Ok, this is quite a long story so please be patient with me
I met this girl, called Wendy, a good few months back and I thought back then she was the most amazing, beautiful, intelligent, funny girls I have ever met. I have got to know her better and think this even more so.
I met her at her party, I was quite drunk at the time, and she came over to me, we got talking and seemed to be getting on really well, and she left really suddenly. I'll tell you later why she did, but at the time I thought I had said or done something to offend her
The second time I met her, it was was in the uni bar, she came up to me asking if I remembered her which I did, we danced I sang David Bowie's Starman to her and had a great laugh.
I met a few other times before breaking up for the summer and really kicked things off
I found her myspace and added her, and we've been talking for ages. I posted a blog, more of a rant about an un-named girl (Wendy) and how I was destraught that she had a bf and didn't know that i liked her.
We got talking loads on msn, and found out we have loads in common. We have the same interests in music, films, same sense of humour, you get the picture
Where this all started was we were talking about the first time we met, she told me she was so nervous about talking to me, she had to be pushed into it by her friends. At the party she was shaking that much whilst talking to me she had to leave. I found out she has liked me for ages, really likes me. She has asked me about if i'm going out with someone, who the mystery girl in my myspace blog was (I told her it was her) and has come to manchester to see me twice.
She has told me many times she finds me funny, that she likes me, finds me attractive etc.
One night we were talking on msn and she brings up her boyfriend, and the fact that he and her are growing distant in her eyes, no interest anymore, boring conversations etc. She has mentioned a good few times that she might be breaking up with him, but hasn't done so far. The two have been going out for 4 years, and Wendy said that her boyfriend is the only man she has known. She has told me secrets (such as her past lesbianism ) that she hasn't told her boyfriend. Pretty much, I'm crazy about her, and shes crazy about me. She was talking to me last night fantasizing about me in my underwear.
Today she came to manchester to see me again, she drove 40 miles just to see me, she didn't have any money to go shopping so it was most definately me she came to see. We had a fantastic time, and had a great laugh. She was flirting with me, giving me "the look", inadvertant touching, playing footsie with me as we ate, fishing for compliments, sharing my brolly (it was raining ) But in my mind, and it might must be me, there seemed to be something in the background between us. I'd told her before that whilst she was with her bf, in my book, shes a nun, I'm not going to come on to her, make any advance, nothing. but there seemed to be something there in the background, between our conversation, the flirting and everything, i don't know what it was, but there was something. It felt like emotional restraint, like something was being held back.
She mentioned her boyfriend today, and the way she mentioned him, it seemed like she was still happy with him, i don't know, it seemed like she was comfortable with him.
I really like this girl, i've not met someone who gets me as well as she does, and I know she likes me a lot too. I need your advice, can you please tell me what I should do? I don't want to push her into breaking up with her bf for the sake of me, yet I really want her as my gf. Shes sending me a lot of mixed signals, and you wonderful people, in an objective standpoint, may be able to tell me what to do. Please help. Thanks for taking the time
A huge problem, extremely confused...
Ok, this is quite a long story so please be patient with me
Don't try anything. She has a boyfriend and should remain offlimits. Think of it this way.. if she's willing to leave her boyfriend of 4 years to be with you, what makes you think she won't do the same and leave you for a new guy? The chick has problems. Stay away.
I hear what you're saying but I've asked her friends and she really doesn't have the reputation of doing that at all. And her friends are guys mainly, and a few are mates of mine, so I know what they're saying is true. She met this guy when she was 16 and has been faithful to him, and is continuing to be really, no advances have been made from her, other than telling me that she likes me, its not like shes grabbed me, thrown me against a wall and kiss me (would be nice though )
Hey, man...I can definitely sympathize.
I don't think she's a bad person, but I would say that you really should wait until she splits from her boyfriend before you try to hook up--that's only fair to the guy and you wouldn't want to be that guy if she were to do it to you. In my personal experience, mixed signals are young womens' specialty...'cause they're young and confused. You seem like you have a genuine relationship building and I really respect your restraint thus far. If you really like this girl, do everything on the up and up....you'll both feel better for it in the long run. Not only that, but would you really want a woman who had another guy as a fall-back position in case it didn't work out with you? Personally, I've always preferred my women to show the same level of committment as me.
Best of luck to you, my friend...she sounds like a winner.
thank you mate, she is awsome, really is. And you know, I've been two timed on before, my girlfriend who I was engaged to was 3 timing me, so I know how much the hurt of two timing is, and I will not subject her boyfriend to that. I'll keep resiliant, and I'm just gonna wait for her to do the right thing, for better for worse. What does everyone else think?
Here's a womans view anyway: I dont agree with Big Jay where he asks "if she's willing to leave her boyfriend of 4 years to be with you, what makes you think she won't do the same and leave you for a new guy?"
I left my fiancee of five years to be with my current partner and I did it because the love was dead in the old relationship due to my ex's excessive drinking, not because I'm a slapper or whatever anyone might want to presume me to be. I fell in love, simple as that, and I've never even thought about being unfaithful in this relationship.
If all was rosy in the garden between her and her boyfriend this girl wouldnt be mad about you, as she seems to be. It also appears though, that all is not dead between her and her boyfriend, otherwise he'd be her ex by now, which, hard and all as it might be to have pointed out, he clearly is not.
If I were you I'd ask her to make a straightforward choice and MAKE SURE that she knows things cannot progress any further between you while she's still with her boyfriend; this may speed her decision making process up a little! If you are meant to be together she'll choose you, if you're not, she wont. Best of luck and let us know how you get on.x
Thank you very much for comments. To be fairly honest, I've been talking to my friends about this, and they all seem to agree that I really need to lay my cards on the table, ask her who she wants to be with etc. I'm just concerned I'll mess up, I feel I'll be putting pressure on her, which I will BUT i feel, you know, she's had a good long time to think about it, if shes liked me for months as shes claimed. I dunno, next time I speak to her, I think I'll mention it. I'll keep you all posted. Thank you all very much, its clearing thing up!
The thing is, Bobwobbaz (hope I've spelt that right, ha ha) when you do tell her straight it'll put an end to all the messin and confusion.
You've also got to let her see you've a full and varied life and may well be out there at the weekends with other women throwin themselves at you. A bit of the green eye can work wonders..
well, she has been asking recently online whats been up with me, and its been this confusion, and yesterday when she came up to see me, nothing was said, but there seemed to be this air of confusion there, me restraining myself from telling her. Yeah, i mean theres this other girl after me at university, and has been contacting my via myspace, you think I should use that to up the pressure for her to decide? Do you think a case of jealousy would really work?
My friend, star's a woman and she's got it straight (no pun there), but I wouldn't piss her off with it--upset women can run the other way. I think all you'd have to do is tell her "hey, sorry I'm late getting back to you, but I was hangin' with my buds and a few girls we know..."
That will definitely put some thoughts in her head. When a person is interested in you, they want to be the ONLY person you're interested in. I will say this, though: never lie to her...if you tell her what I suggested, make sure that's been the case--go out with a few guys and girls so that's the truth. One lie always leads to another and shit always snowballs from there.
Best of luck!