I have been with my boyfriend for awhile now, and my best friend just moved back from texas... everything seemed ok at first but i started noticing that they were acting all flirty, at first i thought it was just them being friendly toward each other but now its making me feel uncomfortable. and it hurts me to know they could do that. I've talked to my boyfriend about it but he's not really taking it as serious as I'd like him to. I don't know though, he's the kind of guy that picks at everybody and tries to be funny so i hope its all in my head. But SHE is the kind of person who loves attention and will do anything to get it, so she may misunderstand him "playing around" with "flirting". I can't stand being around them at the same time, so my friendship with her isn't looking as good as it used to bc i dont hang out with her as much anymore. I think i should talk to her about it but i wouldn't know what to say.
Are they flirting?
it sounds awkward, well, if he's not taking it seriously you should definatly have a "serious talk" and tell him it really bothers you OR as you said talk to your friend, i suggest be direct and ask something like "when you see my bf do you flirt with him?"
OR you could just seperate them, only hang out with your friend without you bf there and only hang out with you bf when your friend isnt there.
Hope you work it out.
I dont think you're likely to be imagining it, a woman can generally smell it a mile off if somebody is flirting with her man. Also, you know both of these people well, so it's not like trying to figure out if a stranger is flirting. In my experience, if you suspect something, these is usually a genuine trigger behind that suspicion, especially when you're dealing with people who you know well.
If I were you I'd take the direct approach, and I MEAN direct. The next time they start that crap infront of you just ask the two of them "Are you enjoying that?" and when they ask you (as they inevitably will!) "enjoying what?" you just say "the flirting; is it doing something for you? And wheather it is or not, could you both find someone more appropriate to flirt with?" Then you turn to your boyfriend and say "in your case, that would be me" then your turn to your 'friend' and say "and in yours that would be your own fucking man - good luck finding one" and then you kick her sorry arse straight out the door.
That may seem extreme to some people, but I dont put up with that sort of shit. The people around me generally know I have a short fuse for bullshit and I dont encounter that sort of thing often as a result.
Seriously, why should you sit there feeling hurt and undermined because they're getting their kicks at your expense?
You probably have it right.
If he is a very mature person, I suggest you tell him it bothers you and ask him not to do it. Hopefully he will take it the right way - it really depends on how mature he is. Pick a time when you are alone and he is being serious.
If he really cares about you he won't want to hurt you and will stop. If he's immature, he'll be unable to handle it properly and resort to acting like it's funny because he can't think of anything else to do and that's his default response. That wouldn't mean he doesn't care, just that he doesn't know how to show it yet.
You might also consider mentioning it to her. If she truly is a best friend, she will understand and back you up.
Then again, being a guy I don't really know all that much about how girls think...
"Against stupidity, the Gods themselves contend in vain."
Thanks for all the responses.. tomorrow she is coming over and my boyfriend will be here too, so i'm hoping the "talk" that him and i had will work and all this shit will stop. But if it starts happening again I'm going to take your advice and say somethin to them both while they're doing it...... I've also had bad dreams about him cheating on me with her, its happened maybe 3 or 4 times. I just hope its not some sort of sign or it may just be that im worrying myself too much.... but this is the worst feeling ever and i hate feeling this way
I really feel for you luv, that is just horrible. Up till you had your talk with him, I'd imagine he probably didnt realise he was being as overt about it as he actually was, he probably didnt realise you noticed it. But I think that if you confront them while they are actually engaged in that behaviour it will be sort of like a caught-with-your-hand-in-the-cookie-jar type situation. But please bear in mind there are reprecussions for being as direct as that and you have to be prepared to deal with them too; for example, they will both inevitably deny it, regardless how ridiculous their denials, so you have to be careful not to engineer a 'them against you' situation - the bloody last thing you want!
That you're having bad dreams about this just shows how much it's playing on your mind and unsettling your thoughts, even while asleep, so it's not something that can be ignored. Good luck and be sure to let me know how you got on.
For what it's worth, I agree completely with star. Unfortunately, what you also have to realize is that guys (I can't say the same for women since I've never been one) love to have their egos stroked and that's flirting does for guys: it let's them know that, even though they're in a relationship with a woman, they're still attractive to OTHER women. And I guarantee if you ask ANY guy the following question, his answer will be the "yes": does it seem to you that no woman wants you until you get involved in a relationship?...and then all of them seem to come out of the fucking woodwork after you?
I'm not positive of the reason for that--and neither has been any guy I've ever asked--but they've ALL agreed with it. I do have a theory, however: when a guy gets involved in a relationship, he exudes a confidence which was lacking up to that point. He knows in his owm mind that there actually IS someone out there who is interested in who he is as a person and will actually spend time with him because of it.
This answer presents a two-fold problem: 1) the guy now has more confidence and begins to wonder if he's made the correct choice since his options now SEEM greater, and 2) there will be women who are going to see the same things that attracted you and he may not be honest enough to tell them he has a girlfriend while he's enjoying having his ego stroked.
I'm sorry to say that there is no good or easy answer to your problem (except maturity in your guy and that's always an iffy thing, I'm sorry to say), but I do want to say that your getting in their faces may very well pit the two of them against you as was previously suggested. Be aware that a confrontation may actually cause what had previously only been a fantasy.
Best of luck to you!
Thanks for all the help everyone.. Things went pretty smooth this weekend, they didnt say one word to each other, and it made me so much happier i just hope it stays this way.. maybe the talk we had helped, and he actually cares about the way i feel. They are both very important ppl in my life and i hope i never have to feel that way again.
That's good to hear, I'm glad for you. And remember, we're all just a few clicks of the mouse away if they start that shit again!
Thanks, If it starts up again i'll def write about it. ya'll made me feel so much better, like someone was actually on my side.