Thirty something...

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It sounds to me like the real problem is that you're just not surrounded by like minded people oldfolks, but you hardly need me to tell you that. I think it is a cultural thing, and it's just a real pity that you are a good example of a square peg in a round hole, and I hope you're not offended by that, but it seems to me that your temperament just doesn’t suit your surrounds.Where I come from social interaction is considered very important. I, for example, am thirty years of age and have been a parent for almost thirteen of those years. I have been rip-roaring drunk once a week or so for all of those years and have no apologies to make for it. But the thing is, where I come from, the vast majority wouldn’t expect me to make any apologies for it. (and it'd be a right case of the pot calling the kettle black if they did!)Yes the arrival of children and adulthood in general do call for a calming down and taming of sorts behaviourally, but it shouldn’t be expected that people comport themselves like walking corpses upon parenthood or their thirtieth birthday - that's just ridiculous! Irish children think nothing of seeing their parents go out once every week or two and, either falling in the door the worse for wear, or not seeing them till the next morning as the parents have come home long after the babysitter has put them to bed. Our children understand that parents have lives too and that they dont involve swings and roundabouts. There's no parental guilt involved, nor should there be.Reading what you have written has made it very clear to me that half of Ireland would be considered unfit parents were they to emigrate to your part of the world and behave as they had always done at home. To hell with public opinion would be my advice, and good luck with the holiday home, I wish you many wild times there!

"...your temperament just doesn't suit your surrounds."That's the thing though it's the surrounds that have changed. I don't mean just people my age getting older and having kids. Thats why I didn't limit my chastising and questioning to just them. It seems like its everybody over twenty-five. As far as I can tell it's not just my town, my tribe, my county, or state. It seems more like a societal shift. It was like in 1999, or there abouts, someone flipped a switch and all the former drunken perverts became slack-wearing orthodoxy neophytes, regardless of their age. I think Ineligible hit the nail on the head, these are "timid times" or so American society has tended toward, as far as I can tell. Your right, in that I don't fit in, I have no interest living a timid wasted life. I just wonder how far out this lack of living extends are there any places safe from it or is it pervasive to most or all modern American communities.

I cant imagine that it would be common to most or all modern American communities, though of course not being an American citizen I could not swear to that either, but I would be shocked in the most authentic sense of the word if I found that to be true.In any other circumstance I would advise you to throw caution to the wind, sell up and get the hell out of there and never look back, but as you've said you have ties there that go deeper than a lot of people have to their areas of residence. An alternative suggestion (and I'd be interested to know if you've considered this) would be to rent out the property in which you now live and spend some time travelling round America with your wife. If both of you could manage your work around such an operation it would give you the chance to see first hand for yourselves the reality of different lifestyles around America. If you found somewhere you'd like to settle, there is always the option of selling up and buying a small holiday property in the same area you're now living in now. You wouldn’t have to cut your ties completely; you could spend vacation time in 'the buckle of the bible belt' as you call it (I laughed when I read that!) and sure isn’t that what holiday time is all about, spending time with family? I think it could actually work out very well, but of course it would take time and effort and determination and would involve some BIG challenges and commitments and life-altering decisions you would both have to take on and tackle as a team. I suppose such a commitment really hinges on how unhappy this environment is making you feel; if it is making you feel seriously unhappy, you have to ask yourself would it be wise to put down deeper roots where you are now (as in having kids there etc) and then turning round ten years from now when you’re 40+ and thinking ‘shit, I knew we should have got out of here before it was too late’?All I know is that life is too bloody short to be spent in a state of discontentment if there is anything you can possibly do about it..

"One of the guys I work with, who's 38, quit playing jazz sacks in his band or whatever about the time he hit 30 and ever since he and his wife have been sitting and doing nothing other than saving money to "get into a good home." He doesn't mean buy a house. He means to get into a good resthome"By the way, I forgot to say, when I read that it just knocked me sideways; You should ask him has he got his coffin pick out and paid for yet.

In reply to: I just wonder how far out this lack of living extends are there any places safe from it or is it pervasive to most or all modern American communities. I've noticed and wondered about this too, and I think you are right about it. There are pockets of people who fill their days with adventure, and then there are those who do nothing much more than watch other people live their lives, primarily on reality TV PTUI! (turns and spits on the ground)Video is the opiate of the masses, not religion. There are those who live life, and those who watch it. Pick people who don't have cable to hang with. I've seen people on the new airplanes with video in every seat, and they look like zombies when the screens are activated. It's actually kind of scary in a way. It's a drug, and it affects the entire nation. People who can't afford medical coverage will have a bigscreen and cable at home...

>To Star
I would be willing to be the malaise of inactivity is more common to Americans than you would think. Physical inactivity when coupled with the lack of cerebral stimulation only exacerbates the problems of growing older and modern American society seems, to me, in many respects to encourage the problem.

As for the 38 year old having his funeral planned. I know for a fact that he does. He decided to get everything bought now as hedge against inflation. The problem isn't just him though. I hear this same shit coming from half the business associates and rep's. I talk to. If we go to lunch the topic invariably comes up, and these aren't old guys. Just the other day one of them was going on about when he retires he should have enough money to get into some home that has a golf course around it. The fucked up part of this is though that he never goes to play golf now. I don't get it. It's not just the "game" of golf I don't get either. :grin: I don't get that whole way of thinking.

>To Lanky
>>>"Video is the opiate of the masses, not religion."

Couldn't agree more. That reminds me of the Calvin and Hobbs cartoon that showed Calvin sitting in front of the T.V., after he leaves the T.V. is still on and it says, "Karl Marx, you ain't see nothing yet." How true, how true. Personally I refuse to pay for cable. There are some things in life that should just be free. That leaves me only getting 3 networks stations and PBS but I'm a PBS kinda guy so it works for me.

Like I,...sort of, concluded, it's the laughter of gathered friends that I think I miss the most. What I long for anyway. I only get that about twice a year anymore it seems, during the tribal dances. NDNs do love to giggle about shit.

In reply to: Personally I refuse to pay for cable. There are some things in life that should just be free. God, it's good to find a kindred spirit! No cable or satellite dish for me either, although I do like CNBC when I travel. I refuse to pay for ads though. In reply to: That leaves me only getting 3 networks stations and PBS but I'm a PBS kinda guy so it works for me. I did relent and put a Radio Shack antenna on the roof, and now we get 2 PBSs, all 6 networks, 3 spanish, 3 independent, 2 religious and QVC stations. Way more than we need, or have time to watch. DFW is a MAJOR market...PS. I love Watterson's work too! I own 6 of his books...

hey just leave oakland, that place would seem really lame and boring. go to california or something

Huh??

In reply to: Huh?? I think he meant Oklahoma, not Oakland.