I'm a freshman in college, and, although there are plenty of perfectly good straight guys interested in me, the only men I seem to fall for are my gay friends. I've dated a fair amount, but nothing serious, and I'm still a virgin. I'd like to experience a serious relationship, or even strong feelings for someone who has the capacity to like me back. What's wrong with me?
What is it about gay guys?
Welcome to A2A, Alexa. There's nothing in your post that gives much of a clue. It may be that your subconscious is secretly afraid of a relationship, but it may just be bad luck so far.
well, i have had some bad experiences with men when i was a kid. two of my closest friends are gay...one of them says he's bi, and i was into him for a long time until i talked to him about it and he told me there wasn't anything, that we were too close and i was like a sister to him. also, i don't have any female friends except my best friend since like fifth grade...i don't know if that helps, i just really want to know, and no one seems to be able to help me, any advice or insight would be really helpful.
Well, I"m a straight college guy, so I think I may have the capacity to express my knowledge of myself for your benefit.
SO far, from the little information you've told us, it just seems to me you've had bad luck, and maybe haven't opened yourself to enough guys (as in options, not that kind of open).
What kind of guys are you attracted to? Could it be that the attributes you find attractive in a man are those more commonly found in gay men.
Why do you think the guys you've fallen for all happen to be gay?
Are you talking about just a couple of gay guys out of many men who have peaked your interest, or a bunch or gay guys out of a few?
Other than being gay what do they have in common that you like or were attracted to?
Are you attracted to the gay guys before you get to know them or does the attraction come after they become your friend?
There is no punishment. There is no reward. There are only consequences.
I don't really have a specific type of guy that i'm into, i've dated all different sorts of guys. they have to respect me, be fun and interesting to talk to, willing to make me a priority in their lives. all the guys i've been with, with a few exceptions, have done that, they just don't cut it, i'm not able to form a close connection with them, so i lose interest. all the gay guys i've been into, which, by the way, is four, were in the closet when i met them. they came out after we'd become close. three of them, actually, came out to me and my best friend before they told anyone else. they're not flamboyantly gay, you'd never guess it until they told you.
i guess the only thing they have in common is that they need me, make me their confidant. they don't want or expect anything from me other than that. in all cases the attraction came with time, after we'd become friends, but before they came out, obviously. after they came out i gradually made myself stop liking them, but it's a hard process, and i can't seem to work up an interest for anyone else.
as far as opening up to straight guys, they basically make up my friend group. i'm close with a fraternity at my college, and a lot of the guys in it are the people i hang out with. i'm completely comfortable being friends with them, but, although they often want it to lead to more, i just don't have any interest.
i hope that answered your questions, and helps you understand my situation.
Just sounds like some bad luck to me. It makes sense that you'd be interested in men who trust you and depend on you, like where you said :Quote:i guess the only thing they have in common is that they need me, make me their confidant. they don't want or expect anything from me other than that. in all cases the attraction came with time, after we'd become friends,
I would personally prefer a girl who trusted me over a girl who obviously didn't need me, haha.
Sounds like you just had some really bad coincidences, to me, and I'll tell you what I tell myself: just keep going, you haven't got anything to lose and a lot to gain from just keeping going.