Greetings. First post here to everyone about myself. Let me start by saying that this is NOT a joke. Literally. Most of you, (probably 95%) of you will laugh at or send (stupid that's normal) comments to me about this, but it's a scaring thing for me. I've tried suicide and have been to pychitrists (spelling) on this. had some meds which worked some but unfortunately put me to sleep.
A little about me so you (the 5%) might be able to tell where I'm coming from. I'm _not_ gay, but think about this like a one who feels they are being forced to be different.
I've always been attracted to older women. since my first attraction. Never felt any different. I've have dated several seniors and gotten married too. My preference (may shock) has been 55+. Younger ones never turned me own. I didn't know why. Always wished I was like everyone else but felt like an outsider because of my age preference. It wasn't anything the seniors offered that I went for (sex, money, mature). It wasn't that at all. I've been attracted to the body. Turns me on sexually and yet never could figure out why.
Through counselors, I've found that it may have been dealing with the development process during the adolescent years when you sexualy desires are altered or designed through your world (parents, tv, school). Nothing ever happened for young females for me. I was actually sickened when I saw young couples kissing or such. Playboy was like looking at little children (picture them as 3 year old bodies that society tells you to be attracted to and you'll understand my reaction).
Anyways, to speed this up for you, The problem (or change) is 3 years ago when I went back to college to continue a degree, I met some guy friends who were fine with my preference yet wanted to find out why i didn't get turned on by younger women. AGAIN I tried figuring out what was it about them that I didn't like. and I looked hard at it this time. I watched their body movements, they're talk, etc to figure out what it was. well anyways, at this time several things happened to me (all within a month):
I recently left my girlfriend (60) after 5 years. depressed, I went to see a friend (who introduced me to another older lady 60ish) where we hit it big the first day like sparks and then the next day her sister freaked her out and she stopped talking to me. I felt like no one wanted me, and at this time too I was working at a college dorm as a desk clerk and getting "fake" hit ons by usually drunk have dressed girls trying to get into the building without being a student or such, and the media shows I was watching seem to be showing more "visual" scenes of young women have clothed shots.
well, the situation was this and is to this day. My mind tells me (gross to young. sick to stomach thinking these girls are trying to seduce me or something) and body does this (gets warm, throat closes-literally i can't breath, body gets sensitive). --- so you know, no sexual changes happen. no penis growth, no thought of having sex (other than thinking they want me and I want to run).
as stated before, think of a gay person (if you're ok with one) who feels like they are being converted to being straight and how they might feel if their mind says oneo thing yet the body (not fully sexually) says another.
-- sorry for the long story but PLEASE know, this is serious to me. I'm scared to death. I don't understand what I should do. I've tried suicide yet been stopped, have taken meds which only one has actually helped (risperdal and lexipro).
I was told by physcs that I'm having an anxiety attack. they say I'm not changing to like younger women but because of all the information I told them (not all in this message). A year before this all started I was also increasing fears - spiders and driving which similarly give me the same effect.
- PLEASE anyone. has anyone heard of something like this or someone?? I don't know where to go or what to do.