i had a baby about six months ago. i'm a stay at home mom. i only have one kid but just taking care of him and cleaning the house and trying to remember doctor appointments and paying bills ontime is to much. i feel like my husband doesn't understand. he comes home from work and is to tired to care about my problems he just sits on his ass and expects to be waited on. he only works 8 hours a day and taking care of a kid is almost 24 hours. somedays i dont get any sleep but when he comes home and he's tired he takes his anger out on me. just yesterday we were on the phone and talking fine then his mom calls and asks if we want to go out to dinner and i tell him i dont feel like it but he can go. he starts getting an attitude and hangs up on me. i dont really know what he expects of me. i am so overwhelmed just a situation like that makes me feel like i can't take it anymore. i want to kill myself so bad but i have my kid to take care of and thats the only thing that is helping me get through this. i cant do this anymore. i feel like the only way i will be appreciated and my husband to realize how much i do is only if i died. he doesn't know how easy it is just to go to work 8 hours come home and beable to rest. i dont have that option i am always having to do something... sometimes my son doesn't even want to go to bed. i hate my husband so much for being so not understanding and making my life worse. the other day i said i was depressed and all he did was say "why" in an angry voice.... like i have no fucken reason to be... his fat ass doesn't do shit........
I cant take my anxiety
Having a baby is stressful in itself and not having help from your husband and family makes it worse. However, it seems that you might have a case of Post-Partum depression. The level can be mild to extremely serious. It would be wise to consult your doctor about this.
sdp is 100% right. You sound like you might have some Postpartum depression, to me as well.
If that is the case you do need to seek help, with the knowledge that, should you suffer from it, it in no way speaks to anything about your capabilities or you as a mother. It's just hormones and chemicals. If you can get your own feeling in check you may find it easier to deal with you husband and get him to realize how much he is adding to your stress.
Here is a link to a Postpartum depression site. It has multiple resources and list of phone number down near the bottom.
There is no punishment. There is no reward. There are only consequences.
Looks like you got yourself a winner.
I think you should sit down and talk to your husband about the unbalanced share in responsibilty. Marriage should be a fifty/fifty deal, and if he isn't helping out as much as he should then some things just wouldn't get done. HIS clothes wouldn't get washed, HIS dinner wouldn't be fixed. Let him see just how much you're doing by deciding to not do certain things. Maybe I'm just being immature and taking my advice just might cause more problems in your relationship. My mother always says "You can do bad by yourself."
You shouldn't take your own life, when ther are ways make things better. You have to have hope. I've been depresses, not for the same reasons as you, but depressed none the less. It helps to have a little hope. There are people out there that love and appriciate you. You should try to talk to someone. Sometimes I'm afraid of my own mind.
I've come this far, I ain't turning back.
Hey...I just wanted to voice my support for you too. I can only speak of my particular situation but hopefully for you to hear that you are not alone will help.
My wife and I were in a similar situation. We had to deal with severe complications during delivery and post as well. Once our new baby arrived the normal feelings of being overwhelmed seemed to be more intense.
I don't mean to toot my own horn but I did everything I could to help out. I didn't expect to be waited on when I got home from work etc. I knew that her job never ended. I was worried about my wife and helped cook and clean even had to demand that she take a nap or rest and take a little time away from the little one.
Despite my best intentions I slowly realized that something wasn't right. I delicately started to research the affects of post partum depression and realized the overwhelming feelings my wife was experiencing was quite normal and that a lot of women experience the same feelings you are.
We found a good doctor for my wife to see that prescibed medicine to help get her through the difficult times.
While there may be a difference in the assistance your husband will offer, know that you can research and take care of yourself too. I would recommend contacting your doctor as soon as possible. They should be well versed in handling your condition.
Always remember that your beautiful little baby needs his/her Momma above all else and you are not alone!
I may be in no position for saying this, and I know your having to go through change, but you make your responsibilities sound enormous, my mother did all of those things AND worked a job for 8 hours a day, my mother still does that and I respect ehr for it, if you didnt want the responsibility you shouldnt have had the baby. Your husband is bringing in the money, hes supporting you there and you make it sound like he does nothing.
Er, thatguy, your mother didn't have post-partum depression. And she probably didn't work 8 hours a day when she first had the baby - you can't just leave a baby for eight hours. If she worked eight hours a day someone else must have been looking after the baby - and those eight hours would have been a welcome respite.
A baby is a huge amount of work and responsibility, and no-one realises how difficult it's going to be until they are in it.
and no-one realises how difficult it's going to be until they are in it.
Definitely. Unless one has a baby of their own or is around a baby 7/24...they really don't know how draining it is.
I still dont agree with the fact she says that he doesnt do shit, he has a job and supports them financially.
Well it's hard to explain, but until you've been there, you just won't understand where she's comming from.
I guess not.
Originally Posted By: HelmsmaN
To the Original Poster, you and he really -really need to see a family therapist and learn as a couple how to communicate your needs to (and respond to) each other. Life is too short to continue living that way. You (both) deserve better.
All THREE of them deserve it. This new child is going to learn how a relationship works by how his/her parents treat each other.
To those who don't get it. 8 hrs a day is NOTHING, in comparison to being a stay at home parent with ALL the responsibilities that come with a "lazy" spouse and a home. Try hiring a house-keeper, a cook, a 24hr babysitter, and a laundry service...a normal 8hr a day job wouldn't afford all those benefits! (I won't go there for what the sex would cost!) Just a 24 hr babysitter is gonna run about $21,900 per year in my neck of the woods, higher in a bigger community. That is just for one child. Try working "a real" job, that will pay those things, PLUS pay rent/mortgage, household supplies, diapers, and clothing. Oh yeah... 2 people working "real" jobs can't usually make that sort of money.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Theodor Seuss Geisel <br /><br />