I need some help

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the doctor gave me some cream i put on it. hurts like hell tho.

This mark will heal. But how do we stop the next one?

When your feelings are getting out of control, does it happen all at once? or does it slowly build?

Or, Does something just instantly set you off, or is it like a chain of events that gets you to that point?

I am just wondering if there is some way for you to catch yourself, BEFORE your feelings get out of control, so that you can bring yourself out of it, before you hurt yourself again.

I would ask your "nut doc" if he has someone, that you can call any time day or night, to talk to so you can vent. I am not online as often as I used to be, so I don't really know anymore how much talking you get to do there with other people, it used to be a lot...I know you don't like to talk on the phone much, but it might be an option for you, especially when you start feeling yourself getting out of control.

Quote:This mark will heal. But how do we stop the next one? I dk. Quote:When your feelings are getting out of control, does it happen all at once? or does it slowly build? I dk.. Slowly. It’s conflicting feelings. Quote:Or, Does something just instantly set you off, or is it like a chain of events that gets you to that point? I really don't know wut ur asking. U know I’m stupid. I dk if this is wut u mean but the bad thunderstorm we had… it started it and then I drew and made it worse. Thoughts ..memories like good ones and bad ones just …..I saw my opportunity when I saw Ry left his lighter on our pool table so I used it.

First off, I don't think your stupid at all.

You answered me perfectly. I asked the question the same way twice so you would be able to answer.

So, you have a chance, between starting to feel crappy and guilty, and feeling down enough to hurt yourself.

Can you go to your mom BEFORE you get to the hurt yourself place?

Helm's, it isn't attention that he wants. There is a guilt (an absolutely UNFOUNDED guilt) in there that rears it's ugly head, that if he was someone different, thing that have happened, wouldn't have happened. Scars and burns would change his appearance, in such a hurt person, any change can feel good for a second. And a change in appearance, seems to be a way to change who you are.

HOWEVER, Caleb, You didn't DO anything wrong, you aren't anyone wrong. Somehow, you have to stop thinking that "if only", because, your here, NOW, and dealing with NOW, and you can't change what happened, only what will happen from now on.

Quote:This confuses me. I've often thought, if I could have you tag along and do shit with me in my world, you'd go through some positive changes. But, if there's a lot of dangerous "tools" at the shop, and on boatI’d love to sail…cuz I love the water. I miss living on the coast. as for the tools... that's pretty much why our shed (small shop looking tbuilding)is pad locked. Quote:What opportunity did you see when you saw that lighter, and what were you trying to accomplish? I guess I was mad at myself. I don’t understand why I want the bitch to come back……….or why I miss her sometimes. When that collides with how I hate her and wanting to know why I miss some bitch that has fucked up my life…… I can’t really explain it. I know wut feelings make me want to I just don’t how to stop it. U know how when some one gets so pissed at some one and u want to ball up ur fist and punch them….. But there is that in u that says no.. don’t. I don’t know wut has happened to mine. Quote:. If it's purely attention seeking, you could simply call me or Kelly, or any number of other people. If you want my number, PM me. In a way I’m hurt that u said that but then I was expecting someone to say it. I’ll take ur number if u want to give it to me. I have people I can go to. My mom , ryan.. Shannon, even my dad if he’s not busy. why I posted for help. I can’t.. I dk. I can’t think rationally enough to stop myself and stop or go to some one who will stop me. That’s just no place in my mind when my mind gets to that low point. I dk how to control it. I dk wut to …….I can’t rethink. I just dk wut to do. I’ve tried writing my feelings. It helps to a percent and then it either is ok or I get worse. Like the drawing it helps or I get worse….. That’s wut happened I got worse. If I hadn’t looked up and noticed he left his lighter I would have still done something I’d just used my hands and left no proof. My therapist suggested me name things. He even got me to do it in his office to like show me how it changes my minds thinking but I can’t do it. I mean I can and I did it with him but… I dk… I dk wtf to do or try…@ peepsi Quote:Can you go to your mom BEFORE you get to the hurt yourself place?I have b4. But it wasn’t me that stopped it. It was my dad. He asked me if I was ok and I dropped the weapon and came out the bathroom and told them wut I was about to do. it was liek his voice snapped me out of it. that; swut it;s lieik.. it;s liek a trance or somthing... Quote:you can't change what happened, only what will happen from now on.I know… it’s the from now on part that’s scary. i hear this it be ok. and it get better and all i feel is liek it;s gettign worse.

Originally Posted By: HelmsmaNIf it's purely attention seekingWhy Would you say that?

I hope it helps. I have often been there online and offered a call. But Caleb doesn't really want to be on the phone. Someone online all the time would help. I can't afford texting or I would offer that up....

i wouldn't mind calling.. anyone acually. it's just my dad pays the phone bills. if he sees a numer he don't know he'd flip. i'm too scared of my dad. there will be a day ( i hope) that i want have to worry about his rules.

There will be a day. But if you ever need a call, let me know too silly. I have offered. I CAN get these stupid phone cards, there a penny a minute, but sometimes they cut you off after like 20 mins. lol.You can talk to your mom, and others that are there, try to talk to them when you FIRST start feeling down. Maybe you can get help through it before you get to the point where your hurting yourself.Or take Helms or whoever up on their offers for calls.hugs

I only read the first part, I have to leave soon so i'll drop my reply hereI used to be a selfharmer, I felt crap about life, my best friend commit suicide, and quite frankly, for me it was the only way to relieve my stress. I knew what I was doing wasnt all that healthy, but I talked to my best friend about it. We talked, for over 5 hours straight about life, and such stuff, and he made me realize that eventhough life doesn't always look that good, harming yourself wont make it better. I didn't stop immediatly after that, I promised him I would stop, but I broke my promise ,and for 2 weeks after that i almost cut myself daily. Around autumn break I talked to him about the same subject again, and confessed that I had broke the promise I made with him. The talk with him made me want to stop it, right there, and I never cut myself after that day.Till yesterday, I woke up this morning, and my bedsheet was covered in blood, there was tissues red of blood in my room and my wrist had several new scars and was also soaked in blood. The thing is tho, I can't remember a SINGLE minute of yesterday night, which is the time it MUST have happened. I even went to my best friend that night, we just watched a movie had fun, and quite frankly, I have never felt that "good" in my life.Story short is, i still harm myself, i'm going into counselling at school (or however you spell it), to see if that helps. I'm not really one that gives a flying fuck about my life, if i'd die tomorrow, i wouldnt mind, i'd give my life for any of my friends, i want them to live happy more than myself to feel happy, so I never really bothered doing that much about myself~edit: I read further and there were somethings which you, and java said, which I recognized in myself. You say it's not something you think about, it's like snapping your fingers, the same goes for me, I cut myself. What I tried to do, is trying to avoid any sharp things as MUCH as possible, i didn't cut myself for over 6 months, eventhough I had urges to do it, but there just wern't any sharp things around which I could use, none. Making it harder to get the sharp objects, also takes away the "snapping ur fingers" idea, cause instead of grabbing the knife next to you, and cutting yourself, it requires thought, and this is what helped for me for a while, since in the time i went looking for something to cut with, i thought, what the hell am i doing. I always hated how my arms looked after I cut them, I actually love scars, but after cutting myself i started to hate scars on arms. The scars from when I started cutting aren't going ayway anymore, but if you try to think before cutting, and think about what you're doing, and remember that you will mutilate your body in a way you do not want it to be, that could maybe help you and stop you from cutting.I hope this was of any help >_>

i'm not worried abotu dieing. i wish it one alot. b4 i did wut i did .. it was liek weeks b4. me and my dad were working on a truck and jumping another tuck off and messign around with the battery and he had the two connect to one truck and i was holdign the other two and i clnaged them togeather. sparks whent fling and my dad turned and asked me if i was trying to kill myself. i was just like yes. and he was ..idk.. so surprised or in shoke he was speachless. then he grounded me and my parents put me on suicide watch. when they do that i can't drive alone, i can't stay at home by myself or even ride my dirtbike. mom buys 200s bottels cuz she don;t want can in the house..why cuz i'm not stupid (ok i am but..) well dough if u cut a can into it will ripp u up. acually whiel i;m sittinghere i can iamgine all the little sharp shit that's inside the tv remote... i can't even take a shit without some one knocking on the door asking me if i'm ok.
i had told shannon ..just out of the blue. just told her i didn't want to die and left her spechless and hten she was liek i don't want u to either. but i do but i don't but i do.. it;s all confusing. too confusing.. i'm so tired of everything i'm just ready to give up.
i've asked my mom if they would let me die. got put on watch again..

i just been cring had to pull myself together so i can fish this so i can go lay down but i don;t want too. i feel liek i;m too big and old to be crurlign up in bed crign liek a fucking baby over shit. my head is like i dk.. i can look back and remeeber the fun shit from last weekend last week this past weekend at the lake but when i got home the shit started hitting me and and driving me nuts. all cuz od f some stuid thing shannons relitive said. ..i'm just so tired of it all.