So as some of you may know, I used to fake orgasms, I've only achieved a few while being with my boyfriend (probably 10-15). Anyways I made the decision to stop faking months ago, and I never did it again. However I didn't tell him I faked it right away. I just didn't fake it any more and just said it didn't happen etc. I eventually did tell him I had faked it. But to spare his feelings and self confidence etc, I didn't tell him how much. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. When we first started doing sexual things and having sex I was really uncomfortable and bad at communicating. So I was afraid to tell him I didn't finish (orgasm) and I felt like I had to. It wasn't because he didn't try, I just only achieve orgasms through clitoral stimulation, and he wasn't doing much of that. So I lied about orgasming. I knew it was wrong, I just didn't realize how big of a deal it would come to be. This leads me to believe now that I should have never had sex etc, if I couldn't communicate enough. I do have to mention though, that when I was faking, sex was a lot better. Both people were happier, and like he actually tried to get me to orgasm. After I stopped faking he did not put almost any effort in at all. I only orgasm from oral and I guess he doesn't like it or something, takes too long. Anyways all of that is over and done with. I lied about orgasming and faked it for quite a while, and a lot. Last week the talk of faking came up again and he wanted to know when I had faked it etc. He was getting really upset and nasty about it. So despite what I had been advised by other people I was just honest and told him.Now he is completely depressed about it, his confidence has been wounded. He said he didn't even want to have sex with me any more, because he doesn't think I like it like I made him believe etc. He said he feels manipulated etc. I feel really bad about faking, hence the reason I stopped, but he had always put a large amount of pressure on me too orgasm. I never meant to hurt him. Now he says he doesn't trust me etc because I lied so much about it. Which I understand, I had also told him I was experienced sexually when we met, because I was insecure about never having done anything sexual (I came clean about that a little while ago). I'm just not sure what to do. I'm sure I probably have ruined a great deal of our trust etc that we had. Over sexual things, because I was insecure and uncomfortable. I know I never should have been having sex, if I couldn't communicate. Any advice? I'm just not sure how to deal with it all. I've been beating myself up inside about both the faking and telling him I had experience, for months. Now I feel like I ruined out relationship over something stupid.
Faking causes issues
Does he realize how much pressure he put on you to orgasm?
Did you spell it out to him like you did here?
If the answer is yes to both questions, I would wonder if he is mature enough to have sex with you now. You did lie to him, it will take some time to build the trust back, but if he can't get a grip on why you did it then some re-evaluation needs to happen within your relationship.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Theodor Seuss Geisel
Thanks for the advice. We'll see how it goes. He says he forgives me but he is still upset and I can tell. He did end up having sex with me twice. At the end he apologized for not being able to please me and that was about it. I actually sent him what posted here and your replies.
I had told him that I had been posting on forums etc (he knows I post on forums - it's sort of a hobby of mine - been doing is since I was young - except I started with animal forums) and getting advice. He does know one of the forums I post on, however I've never showed him this one. This one is my favorite and I use it to get advice opinions etc, or just to read and help others etc. Now he says he demands to see this one, he wouldn't just accept that I sent him what I said and the replies, I would assume he thinks I'm lying or something. He wants to read any other posts I have on here about sexual stuff. I just think him reading my posts would be digging the knife in deeper that I faked it. But he started claiming he couldn't move on, unless I showed him.
So I have no idea. I have told him everything. I beat myself upside for months and told myself I was horrible for lying about faking and having experience etc. So I'm just ready to move on and work towards gaining his trust back. I am more than willing to discuss any issues he has etc, he didn't seem interested in discussing the faking as much as he wanted to read my forum posts. *Goes off to be confused*
He sounds like a jerk for "demanding" to see this forum, he should have a little trust in you and realize you only only faked it to not hurt his feelings. My husband knows I post on here (and occasionaly his niece) and he knows I either come on here to help others or be a pain in the ass to ones that don't need help :P Try ... and I dunno, explain that to him why you come on here. If he continues to be a pain about it...you might want to reevaluate some things.
Pinatas promote violence against flamboyant animals.
Thanks for the replies. He's not letting up on the forum thing. Something about he can't move on unless he knows the whole story and reads all my posts. So I don't know. We'll see what happens. I just don't see how reading forum posts solves the problem, instead of actually talking with me. Which he doesn't seem to want to do. We were talking and he was telling me a little about how he felt about the faking. He says he feels like he was too gullible. He mentioned that he told his best friend I orgasmed a lot (his friend had asked), and then described it to his friend, and his friend told him I was faking etc. But my boyfriend argued saying I wouldn't lie to him about that. He was telling me he would never be able to his best friend the truth if the subject came up again because his friend would apologize and be sympathetic. My boyfriend doesn't want that. As far as making any effort to fix the actually orgasming etc, I don't think that's what he cares about. I'm not really sure. We had sex again yesterday and he apologized later and that was it.
Originally Posted By: HelmsmaNHis ego is hurt.Hopefully he'll get over it.I didn't make it to the shop over the weekend... Thanks for the reply. I hope he gets over it too. And that's ok, whenever you get the time.
Originally Posted By: HelmsmaNthere's a video he needs to watch. It's by Jenna Jameson I think, can be found on Limewire, called "How to eat pussy".ROFL...Helmsman your awesome!!!Question for Moonlight though, have you ever tried touching yourself during sex? Some guys find it a major turn on and it will definitly give you the clitoral stimulation you need. If he does finish first though he can always take a trip back down and continue on you with tongue and/or fingers.