Is there an end?

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Originally Posted By: StillSearchingDon't worry, I'm not worried about it. I don't let words like that affect me.Just be careful about what you say and try to respect other people's comments more, even if they do sound funny/stupid to you. You are absoloutley right and thank you. But the reason why I said it was funny was because for me talking about it never seemed to help. But it seems everything is back on the train tracks so crisis averted and Astrotrain need not be worried.

for me talking about it never seemed to helpI see.> But it seems everything is back on the train tracks I'm glad that you did find an end to all this. Hopefully I'll find my end sometime

Originally Posted By: StillSearching> for me talking about it never seemed to helpI see.> But it seems everything is back on the train tracks I'm glad that you did find an end to all this. Hopefully I'll find my end sometime Hey dude, don't quit alright?! hate to sound like an asshole but it's the truth don't quit. It will end and it will end with the right help. You may not be all happy streak free sunshine but you will manage to get by. I'm living proof that it can happen I've been in and out of mental hospitals and if somehow some way that I can manage to balance my life out then so can you. You will find the way. And it will not end in a coffin.

hate to sound like an assholeYou don't sound like an asshole. You're just stating an opinion/some advice, nothing wrong with that.> It will endI wish I could believe that. I really do.> You may not be all happy streak free sunshineI don't want to be "happy streak free sunshine"-like. It's probably not even possible for me to ever be like that, but that's not what I'm asking for. I just want to live a life without depression (for at least a while, if anything).> I've been in and out of mental hospitalsI wish I could say that I've been to a mental hospital. At least I would be able to say "I have mental problems" or something like that.> And it will not end in a coffin.You're right, it won't end in a coffin. After I die, no one would bother to put me in a coffin. I'll be lucky if I become part of the dirt in the ground.

Originally Posted By: StillSearching

> hate to sound like an asshole

You don't sound like an asshole. You're just stating an opinion/some advice, nothing wrong with that.

> It will end

I wish I could believe that. I really do.

> You may not be all happy streak free sunshine

I don't want to be "happy streak free sunshine"-like. It's probably not even possible for me to ever be like that, but that's not what I'm asking for. I just want to live a life without depression (for at least a while, if anything).

> I've been in and out of mental hospitals

I wish I could say that I've been to a mental hospital. At least I would be able to say "I have mental problems" or something like that.

> And it will not end in a coffin.

You're right, it won't end in a coffin. After I die, no one would bother to put me in a coffin. I'll be lucky if I become part of the dirt in the ground. :-( just promise me, please promise me, that you will talk to someone. Please? :-(

I don't always have someone to talk to. I wish I did, but there's really only one person I can talk to, and he's not always available when I need him for obvious reasons, since he has work, family, etc.These days I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. Who knows what will happen tomorrow? I could be dead tomorrow, you never know.

Originally Posted By: StillSearching

I don't always have someone to talk to. I wish I did, but there's really only one person I can talk to, and he's not always available when I need him for obvious reasons, since he has work, family, etc.

These days I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. Who knows what will happen tomorrow? I could be dead tomorrow, you never know. You have me.

I don't just talk to any random person about my problems. Sometimes I'm even surprised that I tell one person everything that I tell him...And besides, if I talked to someone (i.e. you) it would take way to long to explain everything going on. There's so much weird/wrong shit going on in my life...

Originally Posted By: StillSearchingI don't just talk to any random person about my problems. Sometimes I'm even surprised that I tell one person everything that I tell him...And besides, if I talked to someone (i.e. you) it would take way to long to explain everything going on. There's so much weird/wrong shit going on in my life... Well you may have a point with talking to random people but if that is your choice then I must respect it and you. I only hope and wish you the best.

Hey I was diagnosed with depression and bi-polar when I was 13. I've been taking anti-depressants and other meds since then (they're finally taking me off of them!) I'm 18 now. I really was a complete mess. From the time I was 13 till about a year ago actually, I was a bad cutter. I attempted suicide when I was 16 and came about 10 minutes from dying. And for a little while after seeing my family around me crying, I thought I could be happy, because I realized that my family really did love me. But it had nothing to do with my family. It had nothing to do with anyone. Depression is all about yourself. Your concept on life. Everyone has shit that happens in their lives, that isn't the best, some people just deal with it better than others. I read how you said you don't like talking about your feelings to people. I know how you feel, I was the same way. I always felt like they were my problems, why bring other people into it? So I kept a journal. Whatever I was thinking I wrote. If I was thinking about suicide, I wrote it (hey I was busy writing, not trying to kill myself). If I was pissed off at my mom, I wrote about how much I hated her and wished she would die.. Of course I didn't mean it, but it made me feel a hell of alot better. I use to write in my journal everyday, I probably have about 5 notebooks, every page filled (its pretty interesting to go back and read). Now I only write when I'm depressed, pissed off, or if I just have something on my mind, because I don't like talking to people about my problems too much. I guess after being sent to counselor after counselor, and psychiatrist after psychiatrist you get tired of telling your life story over and over. So just write it day bay day.. You know whats going on with you. I can't guarantee you that one day the sun is just going to be shining and theres gonna be a great big rainbow, and then you're just going to be the happiest person ever. Most likely that won't happen. I've learned that there isn't COMPLETE happiness. But hey, you only live once, don't focus so much on the bad stuff, look around, there's more good in the world than you think. I was surprised myself! You'll never be happy if you expect a perfect life. Deal with problems one at a time. But for every joke you hear, laugh harder, because for those couple seconds you're laughing, none of you're problems are even on your mind.Things will get better, I promise.Remember 10 out of 10 people die, don't take life too seriously =]Sorry if that was really long, but I hope you read it and got something out of it.

First off, thanks for replying I guess> And for a little while after seeing my family around me crying, I thought I could be happy, because I realized that my family really did love meSo what would've happened if your family didn't care at all?> So I kept a journal. Whatever I was thinking I wroteI've always wanted to be able to do that. I've tried several times to write down what I'm thinking but I just can't do it... I think it would help myself if I could just write down everything that I'm feeling, but I can't ever seem to do it... > you get tired of telling your life story over and overThat's one reason why I can only really talk to one person in the world... he's the only person that will ever know who I really am and what I was really like...> don't focus so much on the bad stuffWhen I'm surrounded by it, it's hard not to focus on it.Then there are times when everything seems to be going just fine... but then I'll get randomly depressed for no reason and just feel like complete shit. Like I've said before, everytime it starts to look like it's getting better, something will come along to make it worse again.> You'll never be happy if you expect a perfect lifeI have enver asked nor expected a perfect life. All I want is for there to be a time when I'm not always feeling down and depressed... it gets kinda old after 18 years, you know?> But for every joke you hear, laugh harderI honestly can't remember the last time I laughed. Or truly smiled (meaning all the smiles I have just for my work are not real smiles, obviously). The last time I felt good was last night... when I was drunk off my ass. Is that the only time I'll ever feel good, when I'm drunk or high? What kind of life is this?

Trust me, no matter how much it seems like your family does not care, they do. They care alot more than anyone ever thinks. Even if they don't show it. But like I said, it isn't all about who cares about you. You need to care about yourself. Even if no one in the the world cared about you which is impossible even though it feels that way sometimes, you need to have enough confidence in yourself so that you can be like "Fuck the world I'm better than all ya'll anyway!" Meaning you don't need anyone to succeed or to make you happy. Do what you know makes you happy. There's got to be something that you enjoy doing. If you can;t write do something else, music, drawing, whatever..

I know it is hard not to focus on the bad stuff because it's around, it will always be around. Find the good in life, it's there, kind of takes alot of searhing but believe me it is there.

You're wrong on so many points that I don't even know where to begin. But I'm too tired to do all that, so I'm going to sleep.

I have to agree with Still here.