I don’t know why I’m doing this and thing aren’t going to make sense, Ciaran when I get the courage to phone you I will I just can’t see where my life is heading, I just can’t see why people look up to me and always expect me to be happy all the time. I’ve had my mate Alan round tonight and all I can do it cry. I just don’t know. You know, I just can’t feel anything, I can’t feel happy, I can’t feel sad, I can’t even enjoy myself, I sit at home a lot on my own and feel down, I know that there are people out there that love and care for me and want to me to be happy and that I can call on them at any time. But I just can’t, I don’t even know why I’m doing this.It took me an hour to phone for Alan for help, but I just don’t know where my life is leading, I know I have to go back to work soon or I’m going to loose my job, and I know that all the time I’ve had off work is going to knock me back for the job with the service that I really want.I don’t want to do it, I know that if I cut I’m going to let so many people down, but I can’t feel anything, but I know I can feel the pain that it gives and to feel something is all I want.I don’t know, I feel selfish. I know that there are people worse off than me, I don’t know why I have to disillusion myself to people and tell them that I’m feeling better, when I’m just sitting at home on my own, I like being alone but I don’t like being lonely.I don’t know why I’m doing this, I’m just scared, I don’t even know if I’m going to post this, but if I do then I do. I just don’t know, I want to crawl up and die.You know, this girl was chatting me up in Safeways today, she’s not pretty, I would even go to the point of being “ugly” but she’s a nice girl and has a good heart. But I can’t believe she was chatting me up. People keep saying that they can’t believe that I’m single. I’m just scared, I’m scared that if I love someone then it’s going to be the same and I just can’t handle it.I’m shaking now and can’t stop, I f**king hate this, I know when I’m like this I cut again and I don’t want to, I want to be alright, I want a relationship like everyone else, I want to go to the pub like everyone else and be one of the lads, but I can’t be what people want to see me as.
-
Don’t know
-
there is no rule that says you should feel happy all the time i think alotta people look up to you in away that they admire you as really no matter how your feeling you are always there helping all of us and thats a brilliant thing a person can do. we all admire you your the nicest person anyone can ever meet ....this feeling will hope fully soon pass...in the mean time im here for a while you can talk to me i can try and help you like you have helped me and everyone else in the past...thankyou for everything diver
-
check ur Pm buddy
-
It sounds like the depression has hit hard. Don't worry about people being worse off than you - I've seen a serious opinion from a doctor that chronic depression is one of the worst afflictions, in terms of suffering, that anyone can get. Don't worry about feeling the wrong way, or not doing the right things, or not being like everyone else. We can't live a decent life always looking over our shoulders at other people, making sure we are doing the same as other people. There are many ways to live a life that are as good as each other; and great lives often are marked by a great deal of painful struggle.
-
I'm not exactly what to say, but I feel for you Diver and I want you to know that I feel almost the exact same way alot of the time. The only thing I know that makes me happy is the one thing that I can't do anything about.Anyway, I don't post on here too much, mostly because anything I'd have to say to cheer anyone up is said before I get there (which is good though), but I come to read the posts from you guys so I don't feel so isolated. And it does help. Knowing there are people out there with the exact same problems and worries...Now I'm just blabing about myself.Diver man, I dunno what I can say to help you, but I have alot of deep problems and I don't talk about them for whatever reason, so when people share about their own problems, it helps me to know I'm not the only one. Umm... Thanx (I'm not exactly sure if thats appropriate, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart)
-
Hey man don't feel under any pressure, you're not obligated to call.I feel the same way, it's so messed up, I'm like the least likely person to come to for help, and yet the people do continue to. Maybe you should take some comfort from that, people see something in you, something good. Maybe they see pass all the stuff going on and see your soul(?) see who you really are inside. They see the beauty and the strength you posess, even if you don't. Thats why people are drawn to you. No one knows where their life is heading, despite all the rubbish that happens I still believe it happens for a reason, sounds corny but eh. There is someone out there for you, I wish I could just make thing right for you. You know how to get me, til then I'll do the only thing I know, pray.
