Realities of One-Night Stands

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Realities of One-Night Stands Revealed By Jeanna Bryner, Senior WriterWhen it comes to one-night stands, men and women are poles apart. Guys just want, well, you know, while gals go to bed with the false impression of flattery and a craving for feeling desirable. The upshot, according to new research, is great for most men and the pits for most women. The study goes further under the covers, delving into the nuances of casual sex and its potential as a Venus-and-Mars minefield. Among the findings: Women were not hooking up in an effort to secure a long-term beau, but because they felt flattered by the overnight proposition. They were mistaken. As the researcher points out, men lower their standards when it comes to one-night stands, so the presumed flattery is a fantasy or close to it. "Often [women] said things like, 'I felt so flattered, so happy that he found me attractive. It was so nice to be wanted,'" said researcher Anne Campbell, a psychologist at Durham University in England. "What women don't seem to see is that men drop their standards massively for a one-night stand." She added, "No woman should be flattered because a man wants to have sex with her once." Real feelings, real data While most research on the topic of casual sex has relied on fictitious vignettes or just having participants imagine they had a one-night stand, the new findings are based on self-reports of feelings following an actual hook-up. Campbell says in the June issue of the journal Human Nature that the findings suggest women are not well adapted to promiscuity. Women have much more to lose, while men are in a win-win situation. For the ladies, a baby on the way is a huge responsibility, but a guy can just bail. "The bottom line is the risks are potentially greater for women," said Todd Shackelford, an evolutionary psychologist at Florida Atlantic University who was not involved in the current study. "It's not surprising they indicate the experience is somewhat less positive, but importantly somewhat more negative." However, promiscuity does offer natural advantages for women from an evolutionary perspective, Shackelford said. These advantages could explain why women participate in one-night stands even though they feel so lousy afterward. Flings provide women with the potential to snag the best genes for offspring or they could be spurred by a chemical nudge at the peak of the menstrual cycle. The morning after Campbell surveyed more than 3,300 individuals, most of whom were between the ages of 17 and 40. Of the heterosexual respondents, more than half reported a one-night stand, about evenly split between men and women. Overall women's morning-after feelings were more negative than men's. While 80 percent of men had overall positive feelings, just 54 percent of women had positive feelings. Women predominantly reported "regret at being used," with additional comments including: "I felt cheap," "horrified afterward," and "I felt degraded. Made myself look cheap and easy. Total regret." Contrary to popular belief, women said they didn't view casual sex as a prelude to a long-term relationship. "It's not that they wanted the man to whisk them off and marry them," Campbell told LiveScience. "It's that they wanted the man to understand that they weren't like this normally. That they were doing this for him on this night as a particular event." Men reported feelings of success since the partner was desirable to others and found the experiences much more sexually satisfying than women did. Typical positive comments from men included: "euphoric," "excitement and lust," "I believe that one-night stands are a good way of blowing off steam." For men who reported negative feelings, the prevailing tone was one of emptiness and loneliness. Why women do it Why then, if women feel so crappy after a casual roll in the hay, do they hop in again? They could be collecting healthy genes for their offspring. So even if a woman can't score a lengthy relationship with a guy whose sperm could offer, say, disease-resistant genes or genes for a particular kind of intelligence, her thinking might be, "Why not grab the guy for sex?" "If you've got a Brad Pitt character - absolutely gorgeous and incredibly loaded with money and so on - the chances of getting him to commit himself to you for the rest of your life are pretty slim," Campbell said. "But the chances of him giving you a half an hour on a Wednesday afternoon in a hotel are probably much better."

Originally Posted By: albeitmyselfThey didn't really say why it is women think they have one-night stands.  Quote:Among the findings: Women were not hooking up in an effort to secure a long-term beau, but because they felt flattered by the overnight proposition.

Okay, I see what your saying and your right it doesn't address that at all.If you are a freak let me give you my number and you can give me a call in about a month.

I was the exact same way. I did it just because I wanted to have sex. I certainly didn't feel bad afterwards.

I think the interpretation is flimsy. They take a simple finding, that women feel on average less happy the morning after than men do, and construct an edifice of supposition on it.I'm suspicious of the modern tendency to imagine evolutionary imperatives in everything. Some things may simply be incidental. An important issue the researchers here have not considered is the effect of alcohol, which is usually present in one-night stands. Alcohol makes women feel hornier, probably because it raises testosterone levels, to a much greater extent than it does for men. When the effect wears off, I can well imagine women the morning after wondering why they did it.

This isn't specifically directed to you... but do you guys realize that you speak about sex like it's a sport? It just makes it sound... disgusting.I wonder if people realize that by having sex with one random person they are connected to the other 10 people that person had sex with also. Michael, Jackson, Maria, Karla. The gang is all here.

Jumbalaya. Let me mind my manners and respect my superiors before I start acting like a birdhead.First of all, I responded to your post unintentionally. You're taking things personally unnecessarily. I'm reading through the thread and I'm sorry I just didn't feel comfortable with what I was reading. Second, what does my "religious save yourself til marriage type of girl" OD with the eyerolling have to do with this stupid thread? I wasn't calling YOU GUYS disgusting. I'm calling the ACT disgusting. The casual throwing around of sex is disgusting to me honestly. Like it's a friggin habit. So chillax.I already know most people don't think of sex as a big deal. And that's all gravy. Being religious has nothing to do with it. But that doesn't take away from the fact there are consequences to sleeping with 4 women or men a week. I don't know how people can be okay with that. Like seriously that's what people do with their paychecks now? dang.

Originally Posted By: A.W.whoa whoa whoa! Calm down! See what I see here is misinterpreting of what others say. Remember, we have to be careful not to get the wrong idea here of what people say and then take it the wrong way. That can start up hot debates which can go on and on. Abi didn't mean it in a bad way, and I know from reading what she wrote, that it wasn't meant for it to offend anyone. Albeit is simply asking reasonable questions and seems pretty calm. Just because she doesn't agree with Japan doesn't mean she's trying to get a raise out of her and start a "hot debate". They even acknowledged each other's misinterpretation, so relax.  Quote:I'm calling the ACT disgusting. The casual throwing around of sex is disgusting to me honestly.I personally can't do the causal sex thing myself. It's not for me but I don't find it disgusting. You need to understand that sex isn't created equal. We all have different ideas to which we feel comfortable and happy with. And having a sexual appetite is healthy and completely normal. I believe as long as people are using protection and aren't violating the rights of others, then it's all good. I'm not trying to change your mind about this. If that's how you feel, then okie dokie. But I'm just sharing what I wanted to say.

sigh.. the only reason why albeit said what she did, is because abi said that the act of casual sex is disgusting. and although it wasnt directly to albeit, there wasnt many other people on here that it could be directed to. shes just standing up for herself. if i went into a religious thread and said the act of religion was disgusting, and i replied to YOU or ABI, wouldnt you take offence and automatically assume it was said directly to you?

abi doesnt need a back up person on every thread when a person doesnt agree 100% with whats she saying.

so, whoa whoa whoa! calm down!

we can all speak our mind around here. abi spoke her mind, albeit spoke hers. you spoke yours. i spoke mine. so whats the deal? i can edit too =)btw, i can say what i want on here. as can everyone else. abi doesnt need a "body guard" on every post when someone disagrees with what shes saying. she can speak for herself. so you can be quick with me or however you like, honestly it doesnt bother me. but i know for a fact that if someone else said what abi did, you wouldnt reply on here to back him/her up. am i wrong? like i said, if this was a different topic, and i said something that wasnt directly to you, but it was something you took offence to, wouldnt you think it WAS directed to you? i am so so SO sick of you saying your being attacked on every post that doesnt agree with you.

You seem blinded, albeit, by the fact that I'm some religious type girl as you like to put it. I became a Christian about... 3-4 years ago. I haven't had the idea of "I am holier than thou" burned into my head since I was a youngun. Yah right. Before I even became a Christian or a "religious save yourself til marriage type of girl" as you like to put it, I have hated the idea of throwing around sex. I don't know what casual sex is. I didn't say casual sex though, I said the throwing around of sex like its just a habit. If that's the same thing then... yah that's what I'm talking bout. Since before I was saved I've hated it. My uncle used to come home with a different chick almost every night. It was DISGUSTING to me. He's not disgusting...well actually he is but that's something else. But the act was disgusting to me. What he was doing was disgusting to me. I didn't understand how he could use up a woman for one night. That's it? Like just using that person for sex? Like a prostitute almost if you ask me. I have always thought this way. When I was flirting with boys every chance I got, getting into fights, not caring who I talk to in any old way I still didn't like the thought of sex that way. And I still don't.I'm not nor was I speaking about anyone in particular. I should have made that clear. That's just my input. People don't like what I have to say. But by having sex with one person you are connected to the other 5-10 people that person had sex with also. And so on and so forth. I don't know how people can give so much of themselves away like that. To Fred, Michael, and Carol who you just met not too lon ago. What gives them the right to have access to your body like that? Eh. They must be some smooth talkers.

Ay papi, I love you! lol

Originally Posted By: JapanFan14

But by having sex with one person you are connected to the other 5-10 people that person had sex with also. And so on and so forth. I don't know how people can give so much of themselves away like that. To Fred, Michael, and Carol who you just met not too lon ago. What gives them the right to have access to your body like that? Eh. They must be some smooth talkers.

I'm pretty sure this is the reason that they're trying to put an emphasis on the use of protection.

As if it actually works.

It does, 99.9% of the time. That's why it's also important to get tested.You make it seem like having sex in general is a bad thing.

I see what you're trying to get at.I understand that a disease is something no ones wants and having sex with multiple partners does increase your chance in getting one. But as long as you play it smart, you should be fine. I know that not ALL people do it, but what can we do?But having sex with people, whether they have a disease or not, and being responsible isn't a bad thing at all.

No offense, but you guys have a tendency to turn things around to make it what it's not. When someone says having sex with more than one person is a "bad thing". They're not saying the person they're saying the action. Otherwise they would have said a PERSON who has sex with more than one person is a "bad person" or "bad." So no, that doesn't eliminate the "majority" of the world. OD with the comparison.I'm confused as to why I'm repeating myself for the umpteenth time that the "throwing around of sex" with multiple people is disgusting to me. When did I say that sex is bad?And um... 99.9% of the time? really? Over 47 million abortions in 33 years proves otherwise.

Yes I can. And I do all the time every time. If a girl has slept with 20 guys I don't think she is a slut nor do I think less of her. And I don't see myself superficial to her. I do however think she needs to value herself more and not give so much of herself to these random guys going in and out her life when she deserves better. I don't know if she's sleeping with random guys because she gets abused at home, or she has insecurities. It could be anything. I tend to sympathize with people who do things like this.

You can't be serious. Is this really the way you think? People actually think this way? Dang abi, I must sound like a weirdo then . It now makes sense though. So then you know what, you're absolutely right. See, I can't understand this from your point of view. And vice versa. You say I'm being condescending as if I think myself to be so high and mighty when I know for a fact I'm of no greater value than the prostitutes and drug dealers on 3rd avenue 5 blocks from my home. You think I'm just blabbing my big "religion type girl" mouth making assumptions and judging people, and I'm just speaking from experience. We are not on the same page. So, it's all good. I can't think like you. And you can't see my way. So there's no point really. And I apologize, because I should have realized that from the start before I just jumped my big behind in the conversation instead of minding my own. In a way, I can't agree with you. But what you say is probably right to most people so... I can't rebuttal against it.

Actually... you really haven't. I was never a "good Christian girl". Don't know what that is. I have never only kissed a boy. People think I'm some good girl. If you only knew. But I'm glad you don't. Cause I've done and been involved in things I wish I hadn't that have affected and are still affecting me to this day.  Quote:I myself have not slept with 20 people. But if I do end up doing that in my life, I will not be a different person than I am now.Even though you not too long ago accused me of thinking lowly and condescending of some girl as a slut who may have done the same thing.Added:I find it funny that people get angry with Christians for being "judgmental" and whatever crap like that when just by the fact that they say they are a Christian you do the EXACT same thing. How ironic.