Worried

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hey i'm new here. but i just thought that maybe u could help me out,maybe some suggestions. here's the thing, my bf was deployed back in May to afghanistan, well he's coming home in a month and a half on leave. i'm worried cuz i don't know how it's going to be when he gets home. he's changed and i've changed, but never my feelings for him have changed.i'm just worried that he's going to be different, and it will feel kind of like having a stranger in the house,if anybody knows what i mean. any suggestions or has anybody else been in this same situation with the same worries. anything would be helpful. thanks!!!

First off welcome to A2A I can tell you that him being overseas and without you is just going to make his heart ache for you every day. I know many people who have been overseas in the Mid East including my brother who came back with an even more burning passion for the love ones. I would bet that he misses you every single day he is over there and not with you. Most likely he's surrounded by many other guys so you don't have anything to worry about. The only thing that you might notice a change in him is his experiences. Fighting and war changes people's entire lives dramatically forever. If he sees people being killed and his own life is in danger then he's probably going to have a much different view on life and appreciate you even more. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Just, when you do see him remember to shower him with love until he can't take it.

He will have changed in ways but unless he has been in some pretty horrific situations, it probably wont be so significant he'll be a stranger. Not everyone who gets sent these places is dealing with the kinds of horrible situations you see on the TV. Most of them will go over, do a job and come back.Don't worry yourself too much about it, you wont know if he's changed till he's back anyway. He will most likely be almost exactly as you left him but with afew stories you havn't hurd befor.It can't be easy being left behind to stress about this stuff. My partners in the armed forces but due to leave at the end of this year. If he had been sent overseas I'd be beside myself with worry everyday.

my dad left 2 waR because he was [stop lost] it suxed 4 the hole family but when he got back he changed so much but it dident matter we were so happy he was home

Originally Posted By: guysopinionmy dad left 2 waR because he was [stop lost] it suxed 4 the hole family but when he got back he changed so much but it dident matter we were so happy he was home The next time you post, at least attempt proper grammatical format, okay? Punctuation wouldn't hurt either....

i'm really glad that i have u guys to talk to. that makes me feel a lot better. i'm probably just worrying too much about it. it's hard cuz i feel kind of lost without him, but then again i think i'll be kind of lost with him here.lol.and i can't relate to things that he has seen happen over there, and will never be able to. and i guess i don't know how to help him when he gets home cuz he's told me that he's not going know what to do when he gets back after coming back from a combat zone. But i guess the best thing i can do is give hime all the love i can. sorry i'm going on. i just really don't have anybody to really talk to about this. but thanks a bunch for ur suggestions.:)

sorry on mobile hard to typey u care

why do i care???

i guess i care cuz i would like to be the one to help him through whatever he has gone through.it's kind of hard when u can't relate, that what i was talking about.

There's confusion.Jezzebel, guysopinion was talking to Amped94, not to you.Please refer to the top of each post. It'll say "Re: username".

no no im sorry i was reffern 2 the other guy getin upset about the way i type sorry 4 mix up

lol that's ok, it happens. don't worry about it.

i just want u 2 know dont ask him about the war 2 much my dad breaks out cryin wen ever he talks about it

Sorry Star i didn't even think to look at the username i just read the message.my mistake. i'll do that next time

Well, I have to say, I'm in the armed forces, so rather self evidently have a whole lot of friends who've been to.... well, frankly sandy and warm places, I've been there myself!While I was in one of those sandy and warm places, I got mortared the first night I was there, which was, to quote one of today's hot topics "freaky deaky" as i'd never been to a warzone before, we were also shot at on our way in... it's something you deal with in the forces I can't deny that it changed me, because that's the benefit of experience... every experience we have changes us in subtle ways, most of us don't really change for having gone to the sunny and warm places, we just grow up a little bit, I haven't been away now for a coupla years, but I know that unless your bf is in a combat unit, he's unlikely to ever go outside the "fence" which means he is unlikely to be in any more danger there than he would be on a camp in whatever country of origin you share with him!!For the main part, it takes a bit of getting used to when you're there, but for most people (tradespeople rather than infantry) it is no different than being on a camp back in [insert country of origin here] because there are people on the gate guarding you, the fence is patrolled, you know you're gonna get mortared, but you sleep in hardened bays, and you know what to do if you get mortared Probably the hardest thing, now I've typed it, is getting used to sleeping in those bays, because if you're claustrophobic (puts hand up) it's very very freaky and can feel like a coffin, which isn't really the feeling you're looking for when you're in a war zone!!As soon as you get used to the little differences though (like the fact that if it's summer there, which it is at the moment, the sun shines constantly every day) then it's fine... most of the downtime is taken up by hobbies that are considered acceptable even over here... such as a few drinks, xbox/playstation, lil parties etc I'd like to think I have the same humourous personality I did before I went, I just know that spending so much time away from my family made me grow up that lil bit more than the majority of people I know, especially those who haven't ever been away anywhere... just let your fella enjoy his time, cuz he in all likelyhood will (after all, any time overseas is what you make of it... nomatter where you are) and just be there for him when he gets back Hope this helps a lil bit

when u came back from the warm sandy places, were u afraid to come back home. my bf said he was a little scared of coming back home, he won't know what to do with himself after always having to watch ur back and being told what to do all the time and etc.(you know what i'm talking about u've been there lol) But is that normal, did u feel that way. i guess that's what worries me too. and he has been outside the fence and some of the stuff he's told me is scary.

I think Jezz that what you'll need to do when he gets back is to see what he needs and wants and accomodate that. What I mean is: he may need some alone time to process everything; if he does, don't feel rejected or upset in any way. Or he may not want to be alone at all for a while. Maybe he'll want to talk about the experience, or maybe he won't for a while. Just do whatever seems right. Surely you're instincts are good. And doubtless he'll be thrilled to get home and see you.

He might feel at first that he dosn't know what to do and how to act but I'm sure he'll settle back in to his old routine quickly.

as C'n'C so aptly pointed out, he'll settle quickly into his old patterns, it'll just take time... I think the first coupla days I got back, I just spent catching up with friends/family!!I had a million and one stories, though I've never told my parents about being mortared/shot at... I really don't think my mum could cope with that, as I'm an only child :SThere are always going to be some things that don't get spoken about, but the majority of your time overseas just chills you out when you do get home... you realise what you have in your life, and you start to realise more what you want out of life I think... yeah, it's scary to come home, because the rate of progression is immense... it's hard to imagine if you've never been away, but, things change a lot in the months that you're away... when I came home, just as an example... whole shops had come and gone, there were new speed camera's to contend with, whole roads had been dug up and re-laid, and that's just the transport stuff!!!From day to day, things change... try and think of the smallest thing you can that might have changed... an Ice Cream stall closing for exmaple... I guarantee first time you go shopping, it'll be something like that he notices... it's re-learning all the stuff he takes for granted that is scary, but trust me... that'll last all of a coupla days I'm not saying things will be how they were, because things are different now... you have experiences of being without him, worrying over him, and missing him... he has experiences of being out of the country, away from you, doing a job in a country that not many people get to do or see, we all signed the dotted line though, we know what we signed on for... just be there for him when he gets back, that's all you can do

thanks for the advice sounds like i'm worrying for nothing. u guys have been a great help. thanks.:)