So alot went down tonight with me and i dont know what to do other than talk about it. I will try to section everything and try to make sense, beware this will probably be long, so for those of you who love me here just bear with me :laughing:
My Relationship - Ive been with my current girlfriend for a year and a half, and things were great for the first half and they slowly started going downhill after about 7/8 months. Slowly i started to learn more about her and it got harder and harder. She and i are on very different levels intellectually and maturity wise and that alone makes it very hard (me being the higher on both). She is very immature for her age and she is alot like her mom (Who i hate, shes literally the only women ive ever wanted to punch in the face) and that isnt very fun. Ive been trying to work things out now for 8 months or so and it is hard to see where its going. For this story we will call my girlfriend Ali. A girl i once was in love with and now i feel like im not in love with her but i love her (if you know what i mean) and almost feel obligated to be with her, and its hard to imagine being without her. The next part involves another girl who we will call Tay.
Tay** - Tay is a girl who i met through a friend about 2 - 3 weeks ago. Me and her hit it off that night and had a strong connection and an EXTREMELY strong sexual connection. The night i met her there was alot of flirting and a little bit of cuddling and hand touching. After that we talked online alot (flirting) and she invited me to a dance with her tomorrow (Saturday) which i accepted. Now keep in mind she has a boyfriend but he turned down the dance offer with her. So while talking on the internet with Tay i invited her to a movie tonight which is where everything happened. Tay has me very confused about Ali and im trying to sort things out right now.
Tonight - Tonight we went to the movies and sat in the back row, and the whole night i felt her trying to get close to me and i allowed it and then when it got to a certain point she would pull away because i guess she felt it was wrong. After the movies we went to a park and started talking about this and that and then we got on the subject of sex. She has never been eaten out and we happened to be talking about that and i was saying how it was my favorite thing to do and how i loved it etc etc, and she turned away and bit her lower lip like it was turning her on. So we keep talking and out of nowhere we decide to play truth or dare, when i asked if she wanted to play she said "No, because everything i want to do i cant" and i said "Whoa, what does that mean?" and everything just happened to come out. She told me she wanted me to eat her out, that she wanted to have sex with me, how turned on she was by me, etc. I asked if she was trying to get close to me all night she said yes, i asked if she knew us hanging out would lead to this she said yes, we both knew, etc etc. I have to cut some stuff out because i dont want this to be too long but in short EVERYTHING came out about how we felt about each other sexually and about our connection, I told her that when i found out she hadnt been eaten out that i wanted to do it, etc etc.
So as we went on i took a dare, and it ended being me taking my shirt off. (I saw it coming). As i took it off she told me she thought my happy trail was hot, she ran her hand on my abs, and everything. She told me i looked like something out of a movie and from here things just took off. These sexual feelings just shot through the roof and it was very intense. At this point she stood up and we started hugging and rubbing each other. We got very close to kissing a million times but restrained ourselves. So after that we keep going with the game do a few truths etc etc, and i ended up asking her to take off her shirt. She agreed to but the catch was i had to take it off for her. So originally i was going to just pull down the top ( it was low cut) to expose her boobs and i had to reach down her shirt and grab her boobs and physically pull them out of her shirt (she has really large breast). After that i decided to just take her shirt off and i started to rub them.
After that we tried to stop and control ourselves since we are both in a relationship. Some other stuff happened and then it ended with, us sitting on the steps, i was rubbing her thigh, i rubbed all the way up to where her vagina is and then i started to rub it through her pants all while having my head at her chest breathing hot breath down into her cleavage. As i was doing this she was moaning and running her hand up my thigh going for my penis and massaging it. As this was going on we went to kiss and got lips to lips and then broke away immediately. We needed to stop! So we did and i took her home.
We talked about this whole night and everything on the way home and now im sitting here still with this intense sexual feeling. I forgot to mention us talking about having sex and we both agreed that we thought we would have amazing sex, that it would last for hours and it would be very intense. As she was leaving i said "So what happens if someday we both end up single at the same time?" she replied with "Then you can do anything you want to me!".
Aftermath - Tonight was the most intense sexual feelings ive had for another person. I have a great sex life with my girlfriend and ive never felt like that when in the act with her. Things got heated tonight and if we were both single me and Tay would have probably stripped naked and had sex in the park and it probably would have been the best sex of my life. The thing about Tay is she made me feel sexy!! She wanted me to do everything to her so bad and she wanted me so bad. Im 5'4 and this girl made me feel like a 6'2 super model. She thought my body was "like something from a movie" and she thought i was ripped and extremely sexy. She ranked me as a 9/10 with a ten being model status. Ali tells me im sexy and expresses it also but i always feel like its so....i dont know? Fake? Like she feels the need to say it to please me even though its what she actually thinks. Talking to Tay was so nice because i feel like i cant talk to Ali since we are on different levels. My connection with Tay is mostly sexual since we hardly know each other, but i love it. I wish we were both single so i could have taken her home tonight and flipped her world upside down. I want to do "whatever i want" to her. I feel bad that this happened and im sorry for Ali but i feel like tonight wasnt wrong and i do not regret it. I know what i did to Ali was very wrong and i feel terrible towards her, but for me personally it was something i have never felt and i cant regret something that felt so good.
I dont know how or if i should tell Ali, i dont know if we should break up or not. I think i need to think about this alot, but i need everyone elses thoughts. I know people will say "Dont trade something thats just sexual for what you have now" but what i have now with Ali is probably 90% sexual. All we do is have sex, everything else slowly rotted away and now i dont know what to do because i love her but i dont think im in love with her, but at the same time i cant imagine life without her there. Tay is taken and we agreed to no more touching and this cant happen again (even though we both think it will) but we want to stay friends.
I dont know what to do guys. Tay is off limits, everything with Ali has seemed to have diminished and i dont know how to rebuild it. On top of it i cheated tonight (dont have sex), but touching Tays breast, taking my shirt off, rubbing against her, rubbing her thighs as she rubbed mine, everything that i did is a form of cheating whether i kissed or not i still touched. I feel horrible for what i did but i cant regret it because i think it will teach me something, i just need to figure out what that is. Am i bad person guys? I hope not, i feel like the type of person that goes to hell right now :frowning: