Kay..im gonna make this very brief if u need more details just ask. I met this guy named John. We hit it off immediately and he ended up kind of moving in with my mom and I for 2 months till we decided to get our own place. We went on social assistance. everything was grand till he started to become to controlling long story short he ended up cheating on me (after he THOUGHT i cheated on him), abused me and my pets so obviously I should leave him right? Well I "was" in love with him. I stayed with him 6 months after all this crap again slowly realising everything he every said to me was a lie, and that he was really unstable..and was a pathological liar. eventually after packing up 3 times and leaving i actually stayed away and moved back in with my mom. It's been 2 and a half months since then.
I feel like he has destroyed me emotionally, I can't trust anyone anymore. I am no longer comfortable with myself...basically I despise myself because I'm taking everything he did to me personally and I know I shouldnt be but I cant help it. Im better off at home I know that but i feel like I can't function the way I did before I met him. Before I actually was interested in things, had hobbies and basically everything I was doing for myself got put on pause for John since I loved him and just wanted him to get better and get off the streets...I devoted so much time and effort into him its driving me nutz that once i left he went back to the way he was..and is even now dating the girl he was before me. im not even gonna get into how i feel about that...
John and I still talk.Ive tried so numerous times to delete him from my life thinking it would make it easier to forget him but I always cave in and answer his calls or call him. I know he still loves me I wish he didnt it would make it easier for me to let go..
I just wish there was a way to be the way I was before all of this. Change is good..but it was for the worst.
Trauma like that is going to hit you hard, and it will take quite a while to get your strength back. Try to keep yourself active - especially, try doing some new things you haven't done before.
There are plenty of good men out in this cold dark world, just be patient and you can meet the right one if you keep looking. You need to meet new people, be careful not to fall for the first guy who reaches out, get to know some people and just don't lose hope, live your life and move on. Lots of love.
Yeah right now im trying to reconnect with old friends that I lost wen i moved out of my hometown to be with him. Its going well its kind of cheering me up. Just i need constant distraction. Thank you for your input