I think I have to break up

---

with my BF... I just don't know how...

What makes you think that?The best way is to be as upfront and direct as possible while always remembering that he is another human being with feeling, so be mindful of them.

Things just aren't working out.

I'm fully aware of his feelings. That's what makes it so hard. I don't want to hurt him. I care about him too much. He has no doubt in his mind that he wants to marry me but I know for a fact that's not going to happen. We have too many things set against us.

I've tried breaking up with him before but all attempts fail cause I'm a sucker. I've tried all ways and none of them work.. I just don't know what to do.

Feelings are going to get hurt, there's no avoiding it. You can't be afraid. The longer you wait, the worse it will be.

You need to be strong and honest with both yourself and him. Tell him you care but the break up has to be done. Explain to him why and hopefully he'll understand.

Best of luck to you.

I've tried to explain to him why I can't be with him and he just comes up with excuses and says he's trying to stop. But I don't feel like much progress is being made.I feel horrible.

No, no, no, no, no, no!Don't feel guilty for feeling the way you feel. If you honestly don't believe in your heart that this isn't going to work out based on what you know, then you have to follow it.I'm not saying to stomp on his feelings, let him down easy. But you can't drag this on forever. And don't be so quick to think that if you give him more time, things will change. Before you know it, time will have flown by and everything's the same.I'm sorry that it is a difficult thing to do though.

No break up is ever easy.First things first.. you need to take out the think in your subject and change it to know.Have confidence that this is the right move for you.Being in an unhealthy relationship will not do either of you any good and the sooner it is over with the sooner you will be able to start to heal.No break up is ever easy. When I was 17 I was dating a guy I thought I loved.. someone I thought I would spend the rest of my life with... I was young.. and stupid.. and he hurt me many, many times... and I forgave him every single time.. except for the last time.. I knew I needed out because he was not treating me the way I deserved to be treated.. I knew I could do better. It took me a long time to heal.. I was hurting for a long time..and now I cant even remember that pain.You will find someone who loves you, who will make you feel special and make you forget about all the losers youve ever dated.Dont let him change your mind. Do what is right for YOU and no one else.. At your age you should be doing things your way.. focusing on yourself and not letting men treat you badly..I wish someone would have given me that advice when I was younger.

Originally Posted By: JapanFan14

I've tried to explain to him why I can't be with him and he just comes up with excuses and says he's trying to stop. But I don't feel like much progress is being made.

I feel horrible.

I hope I'm not prying by asking What it is he's 'trying to stop' that is getting to you so much that you need to break up with him.

Thanks so much Steph and Virtual. Your advice helps more than you can imagine. It's just EXTREMELY hard... ugghh..

Quote:

I hope I'm not prying by asking What it is he's 'trying to stop' that is getting to you so much that you need to break up with him.

Unfortunately it's several things but the ones that really irk me is his drinking problem which I didn't have issues with before. But there's only so much verbal abuse I can take. Then there's his need to constantly argue with me over the most senseless things. He jokes around about secrets I've told him and really sensitive about... acting like a dick is what I'd tell him. Him always speaking down to me in general but especially in regards to my faith and anything else I don't agree with him on. I don't mind the smoking so much cause I know it's hard to quit. But also the fact that he's sitting on his butt not doing anything and he's in his twenties while I'm already in college. You can't very far in life with only a high school diploma anymore.

I love him to death. Truly. But talking to him.. our whole "relationship" wears me out. I feel tired and stressed all the time. It needs to end.

Heavens, what a combination! You don't just want to break up, you want to put him in a cannon with enough gunpowder to send him to at least the more distant planets.

I agree Pete!

I don't know the man personally, but by the way she described him he sounds like a huge loser. It sounds like she has given him many different opportunities to change or even select a different path than the one he is on.. It's time she start thinking with your brain instead of your heart.

I'm not a big fan of men that turn into assholes when they drink. They like to get loud, and verbally abusive. These is usually some pretty deep bedded anger issues that could get worst and usually do over time.

If there is one thing I have learned over the course of my life it's that for drunks...it only gets worst.... They usually have to really destroy their lives and those around them. They have to hit the bottom before they realize how destructive alcohol really has on a person..

Sorry... The subject brings bad a really bad time in my life

As you enter and progress through college your world will be expanding and opening up. If anything, remaining where he is and doing what he has been doing, his world will be contracting. I really don't see any long term viability for a relationship of any steadfast healthy value.This is probably as good a time as any to move on, focus on your education and be available to meet new people with who you may share more common objectives and life goals.

With that being said.. you will also find many guys in college that you will find.. very desirable;)! Trust me!!!!Plus, there will be alot of guys that you will find have similar intrests and beliefs!! trust me!!

Awww thanks guys! I love you so much and truly appreciate all the advice With that said, we broke up a couple of days ago so... I hope things won't fall to pieces after that.