Emotional Attachment...

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I fooled around with a guy last night... err Friday night and I almost crossed the barrier but I didn't. Honestly... I don't know what's wrong with me. My main goal was to stay sexually pure and focus on my education. But I feel ashamed of what I did on Friday... like... idk... I'm afraid to do anything sexually with any guy because of the fact that I know I'll become emotionally attached and I don't want that. I can't have that. But I also want to... And at the same time I shouldn't be doing anything sexual at all. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Dont be ashamed!! A GIRL HAS NEEDS!!!!!

sometimes a little fooling around can clear your mind and help you focus;).

Nothing is wrong with you at all!!!

Originally Posted By: StephieJsometimes a little fooling around can clear your mind and help you focus;).What a bunch of baloney. You're no help to her at all. Why don't you say something to help her instead of validating your personal decision on the subject.When you're around folks who are sexually active (especially those who talk about it all the time), it gets into your head whether you want it to or not. That's one of the things that makes college so tough for some folks. It helps if you can find a way not to live on campus, and spend time with friends outside of college. Your chosen field of interest isn't going to make matters any easier for you, to be honest.

Your chosen field of interest isn't going to make matters any easier for you, to be honest. I don't understand what/how that has anything to do with it.

Just be sure you have plenty of birth control handy should that line ever be crossed.

Originally Posted By: OldFolks

Just be sure you have plenty of birth control handy should that line ever be crossed.

LOL! That's the same as planning to fail!

The better she doesn't put herself in a situation where she might be tempted to fail...which, honestly, isn't always easy.

Originally Posted By: sdp Your chosen field of interest isn't going to make matters any easier for you, to be honest. I don't understand what/how that has anything to do with it. Her studies seem to be in a field that deals largely with sexuality. It's going to bombard her mind all the time.

Im sure a female who was in the same place as her 5 years ago knows how she feels more than an old man.Sex is NATURAL. There is NOTHING wrong with wanting sex.You are a major asshole. Dont tell me that Im no help at all. Its not my personal opinion. If it was I would tell her to fuck randoms to get rid of the emotional attachment feeling.. which is NO WHERE NEAR what i said.  Quote:When you're around folks who are sexually active it gets into your head whether you want it to or not. That's one of the things that makes college so tough for some folks. it doesnt get into your head. When i hang out with my friends (and when I hung out with my friends in college) i never thought of their sexual life because Im not a creep!!!

Originally Posted By: thorLOL! That's the same as planning to fail!The better she doesn't put herself in a situation where she might be tempted to fail...which, honestly, isn't always easy.Horse shit... In any endeavor or path undertaken in life the wise man always has a plan for failure all the while working diligently to achieve his goal. To do otherwise is to open yourself up to the possibility that failure can be ruinousness rather than just a disappointing setback.

You're right. Birth control should be around ESPECIALLY if u feel tempted.

The major failure would be to have sex with no birth control and get prego!

Originally Posted By: OldFolks Originally Posted By: thorLOL! That's the same as planning to fail!The better she doesn't put herself in a situation where she might be tempted to fail...which, honestly, isn't always easy.Horse shit... In any endeavor or path undertaken in life the wise man always has a plan for failure all the while working diligently to achieve his goal. To do otherwise is to open yourself up to the possibility that failure can be ruinousness rather than just a disappointing setback. The wise man seeks to not place him(or her)self in a situation where failure is a possibility. And I wouldn't refer to her having sex as a "disappointing setback". She seems to take it a bit more seriously than that.

Originally Posted By: StephieJ

Im sure a female who was in the same place as her 5 years ago knows how she feels more than an old man.

Sex is NATURAL. There is NOTHING wrong with wanting sex.

You are a major asshole. Dont tell me that Im no help at all. Its not my personal opinion. If it was I would tell her to fuck randoms to get rid of the emotional attachment feeling.. which is NO WHERE NEAR what i said.

She has a goal that you obviously have no respect for. When I read your posts in this thread, they look like lists of excuses to do exactly what she wishes not to. And this is what you call helping her with her goal? You just want her to be like you in your choice not to wait.

Quote:

When you're around folks who are sexually active it gets into your head whether you want it to or not. That's one of the things that makes college so tough for some folks.

it doesnt get into your head. When i hang out with my friends (and when I hung out with my friends in college) i never thought of their sexual life because Im not a creep!!!

You mean it doesn't get into YOUR head...and that's because it's already there. You made your choice...let her make hers, and just concentrate on supporting her in it.

Thor:

Quote:

Your chosen field of interest isn't going to make matters any easier for you, to be honest.
I'm trying to major in Women and Gender's Studies which focuses on human, body, and reproductive rights; violence against women; and social marginalization of women of color... it's not focused on sexuality at all. If anything it's minor and it's about women who are homosexuals, bisexuals, or transsexuals that suffer from violence against them because of what they are. It's not like we talk about sex...

Steph:

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it doesnt get into your head. When i hang out with my friends (and when I hung out with my friends in college) i never thought of their sexual life because Im not a creep!!!
This is true. It's rare to find someone on campus who isn't at least a little bit sexually active but being around them doesn't make me want sex. Just like when they drink or get high I make the conscious decision not to partake. I'm not THAT easily influenced, jeez give me some credit.

And Scotty and Steph, you're both right but I feel like I can't and shouldn't do anything at all because it's just instilled in me that it's just plain wrong. And even after I do something minor I feel like crap. Like that Friday night we didn't do much and I just slept over his room but even after he walked me back to my door I cried in my room cause I felt like... ugh...

He likes me alot though and I like him tool And he's not irresponsible he has protection and everything but... idk it's just not normal for me. God must hate me right now...... ever since I got to this damn campus. I hate feeling conflicted.

Originally Posted By: JapanFan14God must hate me right now...... ever since I got to this damn campus.Sorry you feel that way, but even to a blind man there seems to be a connection with the campus and what's going on. Don't you think so?

I'm certainly not telling you to do anything abi. I don't think there is anything wrong with what you may have or have not done. It's your choice and your life. I just want you to be prepared, especially since you like this guy should the time ever come when you do decide to go all the way. Your future is to bright to gamble with.I for one don't think you should be berating yourself over being with him. From the sounds of it you remained in control and he respected your wishes. Don't spend needless energy beating yourself up where no longterm harm is done. If you don't want a boyfriend right now that a decision your going to have to make but it's not one you have to stick to should the right guy come along. Figure out what you want from your life right now but keep your expectations reasonable. Don't set the bar so high for yourself that any minor slip will make you feel like a failure. Perhaps rather than living with the expectation that you should live like a cloistered nun set your own ground rules for what is more reasonable to your life. Only you know what that is. Just above all protect yourself and remember expending effort on self hatred won't lead you to anything but greater frustration. If, at some point, you find that you move beyond what you find to be acceptable behavior, simply use it as a learning experience.

Of course God doesn't hate you, Abi. He loves all people as they struggle with trying to do the right thing, as we all do.It is natural that as you move into a wider world it becomes more difficult to stick to your principles. It is easy to be virtuous when there is no real temptation; such virtue is less glowing. thor's advice to retreat into a smaller world has a long history of monasteries and convents and anchorites in the desert, but I do not think it is the only way to please God. You need to work out what works for you.I do think that sleeping over in his room, even if you didn't do much, is living riskily if you wish to avoid sex. You will also find that others who hear of it will assume it means sex.