Am I addicted to masturbation?

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You're not alone!

I think that this isn't normal.
Maybe it's abnormal. I am simply so damn unmotivated and procrastinate all the time even to a point where I feel miserable and where I know that I'm hurting myself
by not working. This cannot be normal.

I think it is normal, at least to some degree. Most of us don't like work so we put it off when we can, and then feel guilty about that, so thinking about it causes pain, so we are even less likely to do it. However depression makes it much worse, because it is then much harder to do things. I wonder if your depression needs stronger treatment?

What do you mean with stronger?
I have already tried a couple of drugs (citalopram,wellbutrin,remeron,tianeptine) and they didn't do anything.
Right now I'm on lexapro and it doesn't really do much. I cannot say that I am less depressed,anxious or obsessive.
It's really disappointing. I once read about prozac that when it came out people took it and suddenly they were different people and
abnormally happy. I don't really think that a pill can turn someone who has always been depressed into a totally different person.
the stronger drugs like maoi or tricylics also have much more side effects than ssri and snri. I don't know if I should try them.

There's a lot of differences between individuals with antidepressants, so there's a lot of trial and error involved. Prozac got a bit over-hyped, I think. You've certainly been on a number of different types (though Lexapro is just a more potent form of citalopram). Monoamineoxidase inhibitors (MAOI) are a bit different in how they work, but are not necessarily stronger. Tricyclics are older antidepressants.

Does good news cheer you up for a while, or just leave you cold?

They'd cheer me up. Unfortunately I don't get many good news.

I know someone who tried all kinds of antidepressants and nothing worked and then he went on parnate (maoi) and felt terrific.
But I am much too scared of a maoi. The food restrictions and side effects are pretty insane.
I don't understand why no antidepressant works for me. Maybe the whole theory behind depression is simply false.
Or what I also considered is what if ssris don't work cause I have too little serotonin in the brain in the first place? But doctors don't seem
to think about such things.
I always ask my doc why nothing works and he simply says we don't know.

My doc told me last time to go from 10mg lexapro to 20mg. But I'm scared cause 20mg also increase the risk of side effects.
What especially worries me is the possible heart rhythm disorders which can be dangerous. 20mg lexapro is the max dose.
And if 10mg dont do anything why should 20mg suddenly do something?
What also scares me is the serotonin syndrome. It says you must not take l-tryptophan. But I use protein powders (whey) and they contain
l-tryptophan. I don't know if this is dangerous. My doc couldn't really tell. At 10mg I had no issues.But I dont know how it would be at 20mg.

I asked about the good news, because it's one difference between 'typical depression' (in which good news tends to be ignored), and 'atypical depression' (in which good news is cheering). Despite its name, atypical depression is actually quite common, but it responds differently to anti-depressant medication. MAOIs are especially effective for atypical depression, as is also a combination of an SSRI + and an ADHD drug. Tricyclics, on the other hand, have little effect on atypical depression.

'Atypical depression' often also includes over-eating, over-sleeping, and high sensitivity to rejection, though of course these are not uncommon generally.

We know so little about depression. There is strong evidence that fiddling about with the monoamine neurotransmitters as we do is nowhere near the root of the problem. There have been very interesting experiments with ketamine, and there is a new theory of depression that relates it to loss of synapses as a result of stress, leading to an imbalance of NMDA-type and AMPA-type glutamate receptor activity.

Hi,
then I'd be atypical. This is actually a bit strange. I mean I have been depressed for years and years.
I also have anxiety. I constantly worry about things. I also worry about other people and always fear losing them. I cannot enjoy being around people cause in these situations
I usually think about what if something happened to them what would I do then? It really sucks.
I dont know how other people deal with this. I couldnt have children I'd worry all the time about them.

I dont understand why ssri dont work. There are a few possible explanations.

1. maybe I am serotonine depleted then a ssri couldnt work if there is too little serotonine (but no doctor cares about this, they simply dont even try to find out WHY a drug doesnt work)
2. maybe i lack important vitamins which are necessary to produce serotonine, i was tested for a controversial condition which most doctors say doesnt exist. it's called kryptopyrroluria.
   according to the lab which ran the test i have this. this stuff is associated with low levels in zinc and b6 and it can cause a lot of symptoms like adhd.

also one time i saw a therapist and told him that i'm depressed and this jerk totally freaked me out. he said that i could as well have schizophrenia.
he then read to me all symptoms of schizophrenia and of course some of the negative symptoms also fit to me. he said maybe this is why no antidepressant
works for me.
but i'm definitely not going to try antipsychotics now. these drugs are far more dangerous than antidepressants. i worry that they could really fuck me up.

yes, the glutamate theory is interesting. i think that there is something too it especially since i also suffer from "overexcitability" but in a negative sense.
i have a low stress tolerance and often times i feel like my mind is racing. i have described all these symptoms to my psych but he doesnt seem to be able to draw much from them.

i also had the idea that maybe glutamate is my issue. i tried memantine for a while but unfortunately it made my forgetful and i also cant really say if it helped or not.

i wish there were more anti-glutamatergic drugs out there.

My feeling is that the anxiety may be key. Stress from anxiety could be causing a lot of other symptoms.

I hadn't heard of kryptopyrroluria, and there seems to be next to nothing in the medical literature on it. The concept seems to be based on porphyria.

Here's something about KPU. But it's controversial. Most docs probably simply say it's nonsense.

http://www.kpu-berlin.de/en/Cryptopyrroluria-nitrosative_stress_and_mitochondrial_disease.htm

I definitely have anxiety. But I also have ocd and depression.
I just don't understand why no antidepressant works. Against ocd SSRI should usually work but they don't.
This is really sobering. If psychiatry fails me then I don't know what to try next.