Talking to my son

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hi folks, been reading the stuff on this site for some time...and finally have the need to ask something!basically, im a single mother, my son is 12 years old, and i think now is the time to go into further detail about sex/masturbation with him. when he was 10 i explained the biological side of sex, and we have quite a close relationship, where he feels he can talk to me quite openly about things like this. however, i think he is definitely going through puberty, and i wondered if anyone has any advice on how i can broach the subject of masturbation with him?i know they tell the kids basic information about sex at school, but not about masturbation or sexuality....so how would people have preffered their parents to discuss the subject with them?thank you!

don't be shy......i need help!!

IDK.. I think masturbation is something he can/will discover on his own. What are you trying to gain by telling him he can masturbate? I guess the only thing he can get from it, is that it's OK to do.

thing is.....i know he's already discovered it. i just think i need to discuss it with him, in terms of his privacy needs and the inevitable kleenex demand .is putting a lock on his door a bit extreme, or would it make him feel more private?

I think you should just leave it be. Let the kid discover his own creative ways to masturbate or whatever. I think most teenagers would prefer to have their parents stay out of their lives when it comes to masturbation.

Well... I'm 14 with a girlfriend.. I still masterbate....Sometimes you can notice if he does do it cuz he'll spend a good amount of time in the batheroom,shower or bath.Well.. it's good and it bad that you want to talk to him about masterbation.. I member my mother did.. she told me she knows i do it, and it's okay, just don't be somewhere where you can be caught. it's good, because you wanna help him, it's nad cuz well... if he does do it he wouldn't wanna talk about it, he'll be shy or tell you he knows the stuff..give him the rythm..sex is when a guys informationenters a girls communication to increase the populationof a younger genarationnaa j/p... i suppose you shouldn't be freaked out if you find porno addresses on the computer.. cuz it makes it easier with a video...address him at a good time, like when he is in a good mood. my mom did and i can tell her mostly everything that goes on in my relationship.

just leave it to him, hell have no probl he doesnt need a lock ... because U SHOULDNT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO IN HIS ROOM! u want sumthin, u knock and wait for a response. never enter sum1s room without asking first

i always knock.....but he's only 12 nearly 13, so i still ahve to tidy up, nag him about school, change his sheets etc, so i do have to go into the room sometimes. plus he has a younger sister, who barges her way into the room occassionally

I'd suggest that you talk openly with him about it, the fact that it is perfectly normal and healthy. If you'd like, visit www.jackinworld.com and take a look around. IF you think its appropriate, then suggest he visit the site as well. Then the two of you can talk about things he reads there. Sure, some of it may not be appropriate...but he's gonna learn alot more that's innappropriate from others if you don't continue to take an active role.

Some guys VERY much prefer if their mother never says anything about it, because it's just too embarrassing a subject to talk about, especially to your mother. They'd much rather she looked the other way and pretended not to notice anything.You could always give him the address of this site.

thank you, i'll take a look

If anything his dad should talk to him about masturbation. That's like my dad talking to me about the menstrual cycle or good ways for females to get off. That's just weird....sorri, but it would make him feel even more ashamed I think.

I think a lot depends on the son's personality. If he's very outgoing, he might like to get things into the open. If he's shy, he probably would find it excruciatingly embarrassing.

Please don't talk to your son about masturbation. Take it from me a 15 yr old. I have a open relationship with my mother and can talk to her about anything,yes sex included. I would die if she spoke to me about my masturbation. I know she knows that I jackoff. It's just one of those unspoken subjects. How would you feel as your sons mother if he asked you about your sex life? Trust me he'll learn about masturbation on his own,or by talking with his friends. He won't hurt himself,he'll experiment on his own and will do whats right. In our house we must knock before we go into anyones room. We were taught to wait until were told to enter. His younger sister needs to be taught that. Oneday when she's older, she will want privacy. I have a younger sister and brother and we respect each others privacy. Of course there the accidental catchig each other naked or in underwear,which is no problem. We were taught to respect and be proud of our bodies. We don't go around the house trying to see each other naked, but it happens. I did one time get caught by my dad jackingoff on my bed. I was so into it I did'nt hear his knock. I was totally embarrased, but after a day my Dad spoke to me about it. He told me that is was ok and natural,and to treat my penis with care and respect and to not hurt myself. He also told me about the time he was caught by his mother when he was 14. So if I was embarrased by being caught by my dad,imagine you talking to your son about masturabting? I can understand you mean right,but think back about when you were a teen,about how your body was changing and the sexual feelings you had? It would of probably been embarrasing to have your dad instead of your mom talk to you about sex. I think your son will discover alot about masturbating from his friends and on his own. From a teen boys point of view let him do it on his own. Also in our house we don"t have locke in our bedroom doors,but we each have door stoppers that we wedge under our doors. This acts like a lock, because we all need some type of privacy. On last thing be sure and have plenty of tissues for your son, and don't make comments about him using so many tissues. Like I said my mom knows I jackoff, but it's unspoken. Good luck! Your son will be ok.

I dont think you should talk to your kid about masturbation. He will find out on his own. And no boy wants his parents to start talking to him about this kind of stuff.

well....sorry to prove most of you wrong, but we had a talk about it and it went very well. ut then my son and i are very close, so maybe you lot arent as close to your parents.

and if his dad was still here, he would be talking to him.

Well good for you. In my opinion though no matter how close you are with your kids there are some things left better unsaid.

and thanks to piercingshort04 for all his help

great post

Well.. i try to be as helpfull as i can.. i'm glad i met Ineligibl. he is a really nice guy and i can learn from im also.. i hope your future chats with your son go as well... I still kinda wish mine would talk to me about it.. so they wouldn't bother me..

well, heres some more advice from yet another teenager. I am 15 years old, and feel much the same as the other teens on this post... Dont talk to him about masturbation...its just going to embarass him, no matter how close you are...it would kill me if my parents did...I personally learnt everything i know from my friends...and im sure your son will talk alot with HIS friends about it...and theyll learn and mature together...just knowing he does it, and he knowing you know is good enough...Another thing is Pornography, if u find it...dont be concerned...Many mothers i know have almost died after finding porno on their good-son's computer...mostely every boy i know looks at it and it is perfectly normal...to a certain extent that is...tell him you know about it, and tell him your concerns about it...I know MY mother did when she found porn on my computer when i was 14 and past it off for me "expirementing"...she also told me her concerns tho...about how she feels its demoralizing to women and so on...and i accepted those views and made up my own decision to continue or not...