Gay Married.... How to keep wife satisfied?

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How do gay guys married TO WOMEN have sex with their wives? (some married men are actually gay, right? and they are able to keep their "secret" for years and have kids with their wives) What brings on the erection if there is no arousal?I have heard that medications are available now for all male sexual problems. Is there a solution to above problem? Heard that Viagra and such require sexual arousal in the first place.This post is very serious, please. Do not tell me should not get married in first place. Need own "family". Never been in gay relationship.Thanks.

Quote:How do gay married guys have sex with wives?Don't you mean husband? Gay men have anal and oral sex.

Quote:How do gay guys married TO WOMEN have sex with wives?That doesn't make sense. Can you please retype your question?

I think you misunderstand, Virtual_Star. Jase is asking about gay men who nevertheless marry women (for whom they have no sexual attraction). This actually happens a lot.Jase, welcome to AfraidToAsk. You are right that Viagra and similar drugs heighten sexual arousal rather than create arousal out of nothing, though they may be helpful if there is more than nothing there. I suspect most men in this situation make use of mental fantasies.I do think you need to consider how this would be for your potential wife, whom you would effectively be marrying under false pretences.

Originally Posted By: JaseThis post is very serious, please. Do not tell me should not get married in first place. Need own "family". Never been in gay relationship.And this is the most serious part. Will you go your whole life in doubt, always wondering, thinking if only, or being tempted by other men? You're already seriously concerned and you're not even married yet!You risk more than your own happiness here, you risk your wife's, and your children's.

Originally Posted By: IneligibleI do think you need to consider how this would be for your potential wife, whom you would effectively be marrying under false pretences. Completely agree. Nothing irritates me more than gay men marrying women just because it's more "acceptable" by society standards. A good friend of mine is actually engaged now, and he’s gay. He and I have fought over this topic to wits end, and he’s still going to do it because he feels it will benefit his career in the military, and plus he wants kids. Sexually he can be with a woman, to him sex it just sex, but emotionally men are what he wants to be with. He’s going to end up like all the other married men who do this and secretly go behind his wife’s back and screw around with other men. He’s already done it while they have been engaged, what makes him think he can do it while they are married?I personally think it’s despicable to marry a woman knowing you are gay, just to hurt her later in life. People need to be mature and be who they are instead of not only lying to themselves but also to someone who loves you.

I'm bi, and married and have never been with a man in any way. I don't know that I can answer your question fully but I'll do my best with what I live and what I have been told by a gay friend who was married for years.For myself being bi doesn't mean I'm equally attracted to both sexes all the time. It means there are times I'm more attracted to one sex than the other but can get turned on by either. At times that I'm more into guys there is less sex between my wife and I (she knows I'm bi). When it does happen and I'm more into men I don't have to fantasize about guys to enjoy sex with her. I'm into it and erect and get off on what I'm doing with her. I don't need to think about guys, that has more to do with jacking than sex. Like I said, when I'm more into guys sex is just noticeably less.According to one guy I new who is gay, not bi, and that was married for twenty years and had kids it was pretty much the same thing. He didn't have to fantasize about men to have sex with his wife, it was just that they didn't have sex all that often... he said, probably less than ten times a year.I'm not going to simply tell you this without asking you to think about what your doing. I'm happy with my wife and love her very much and she never fails to turn me on, but I'm not gay... I'm bi and that makes a big difference. My greatest regret in life is that I didn't experiment when I had the chance. Think about it. Maybe it's something you should at least try before you commit yourself to this woman, just think about it. That doesn't mean an anonymous hook-up either, that means a relationship with a guy that is gay that you can talk to. You don't need to have sex with him, that just means you can talk about, "oh this guy is cute" or whatever... a friend who will let you try out your homosexual feelings. Experience the emotional connection if not the sexual one, which you seem abverse to. The emotional connection is what being gay is about anyway. See how it feels and then you can do what you want. If you still want to get married fine... it's your life but at least you won't be going into it wondering.Gay men who marry women lead some of the most unhappy lives of any of the people I've ever met. Life if to short to go through unhappy._________________________________________________________________I sent you PM just click on the flashing envelop icon up by the "My Stuff" pull down menu.

If I were you, Id reconsider getting married at all. THats a fucked up thing to do toa woman that loves you and the children that follow, and its all a lie.Id also pm Roc, hes already been down that road himself.

That's a great idea, Roc [link to his profile] would be prefect to talk to. Like Chance said, he's been down that road. You can send him a PM through the above link to his profile. I just don't know how much he's here though... anymore.

he checks in about once a week, sometimes less and then all of a sudden hes here all day for a few days in a row then gone for a month, a lot of shit going on in his life right now, Iv tried to call him a few times but we just been playing phone tag, our timing is shit, and we always miss each other. He is still around though, just not as often as he once was.

Thanks to all who have responded so far.... though as I expected, attention quickly shifted to whether I should get married in the first place, which was not really my question. To have a relationship with another man is not an option for me, no matter how much I want it. My religion does not acknowledge or condone sexual relations between men, and tells me to get married and everything will work out, then this is what I try to do. The alternative is complete loneliness. As I grow older, I find that all my friends now have families and kids, and a single man is not always so welcome. I do wish for kids of my own, and a family, but I am afraid to make the wife miserable, and therefore everyone else in the process.I understand the opinion that getting married may be selfish, but I have followed my religion all along, never had sexual relationships outside of marriage, so it is only fair that I follow it to the end and get married, being the only morally acceptable way to remain a social being, and not whither out and die of loneliness. And, it is even not just loneliness, I have begun to get accustomed to it, it is the pressure from most everyone in my community to get married and start a family... it has become unbearable.I'm going through a very difficult time. I have struggled with the above for a very long time. Now, the question is NOT whether to get married, but how to make it work, and especially, how to make the extra effort to be as fair as humanly possible to the wife.

This is just another reason why religion isn't always the best option.

A very close friend of mine, an orthodox rabbi actually, had an opinion on this. He said it would be better to live your life as it makes sense to you, then a lie that makes sense to others. I'm not saying immerse yourself in a homosexual life style, but be true to yourself and where your feelings take you. To your original question: because, sex is just sex. If you rub up on a mans penis enough, it'll become erect unless they put serious consious thought to it.

At LTTA: I'm very tempted to say something here, but I won't. I'd like to hear what you have to say. Send me a PM.

Thank you, Java Addict, for getting to the point.Any more thoughts, anyone?

also, I have a few gay friends who can all get it up for a woman, they just don't have the same emotional connection that they get with a man. Its like they can physically sleep with a woman just fine, but they dont... feel the romance. Like its all for the purpose rather then the love.

It's all a matter of your emotional state. If you're capable of having sex now you'll probably be okay in the future. If in the future you start to feel (more) guilty or regretful, then it may become harder to become aroused.Otherwise it's as Java Addict said, physical stimulation is physical stimulation. Although I have personally believe that sex is mentally affected far more than physically.

Java Addict... this is good, but how do they do it? the technique? i am not sure if sitting there and rubbing it to get an erection is very flattering to a woman. what do you think?

Teach her how to rub it for you... then just close your eyes and fantasize.I diagree with most of the other posters. If you want a hustband/wife/kids family, then you should get to have it, regardless of being gay.Being married isn't a statement of your sexuality. It's a statement about your desire to be part of a husband/wife team. Each of you has the other's back. You are committed, together, forever, as a 2-person team. Of course, the two of you can make your own rules about open relationships, gay sex, and what-not. But you are still a TEAM.If that's what you want, then you should go for it. Understand, though, that it will probably be a rough life for HER, since she'll always know you aren't turned on by her specifically.

First off.. do you feel any sexual attraction to you soontobewife.. or wife(sorry im confused at that part) at all? Do you love her in the least.I will bring up the marriage part.. just remember that someday homosexuality will be something that will be WAY more accepted than it is today. And you may want to come out and say "Im gay". You will crush your wife, you will crush your children. You will admit that you have been living a lie for years. If you decide to have children this could completely, COMPLETELY ruin your relationship with them. If I found out my dad has been gay since he married my mom I would probably be traumatized and really fucked up from that.Why do you need your own family?? Is this to get yourself ahead with a job or something else in life?