Ok, I've been talking to this guy for a little over a month and things seemed to be going pretty well. I asked him if I asked people about him, would I find out something bad. He said no because he just got to the school last semester and no one knows anything about him. He asked me the same thing and I told him he wouldn't find anything about me either. So, we do our searching and he finds nothing bad about me, but I find out from a friend's friend that all these girls hate him and he's a dog and he's supposedly always trying to talk to people to get sex from them. I was annoyed so I went to his house and confronted him about this. He said that these girls think he's a dog becuase he's a jock and he would never use someone to get sex and that he likes me and wouldn't lie to me and use me. I told him that I would let it go because it was hearsay. But I also told him that I was crazy and I wasn't going to put up with any of his shit and he better not mess up because he didn't want to cross me. With that being said, I don't know who I should believe. What do you think about the situation?
What Should I Believe?
Well first off, its gerenarlly not good to tell a guy you like you are crazy, and then try to intimidate him. Second, i wouldnt listen to what others say unless they are close to you. People spread rumors all the time. Stick with ur gut and just find out these things for youreself
I told him that I would let it go because it was hearsay.But you didn't let it go...> But I also told him that I was crazy and I wasn't going to put up with any of his shit and he better not mess up because he didn't want to cross me.A lot of guys would have told you to take a hike after that.> With that being said, I don't know who I should believe.Girls are always playing psychological games with each other. Why don't you forget all that bllsht, give him a fair chance, and tell him to get lost if he's a jerk? Otherwise, it might turn out to be a good relationship, if you haven't already poisoned it.
LOL I did let it go, but I was asking you guys what should I do to make sure I'm making the right decision. And what was so wrong with telling him that he better not get on my bad side? I meant that. That is to let him know that I won't put up with it. If none of that stuff is true, then he won't ever have to see the craziness.
And what was so wrong with telling him that he better not get on my bad side?Starting off a relationship with the idea that the other person is probably a jerk is bad karma. It might give him the idea that he needs to be careful because you might have mental issues rather than that he needs to be a good person. It's hostile.And believing rumors about a person is unwise and unfair.Do you tell everyone you meet that you may have any kind of relationship with (friend, doctor, waiter, etc.), "Hey buddy, you had better not screw up!"
You in no way alluded to anything that he did that made you question his motives, so my response is going to assume he did nothing to bring his character into question.Going by what you said, the one who needs to - not be - "putting up with shit", is him. Personally, I can't believe he's still speaking to you.>>>"things seemed to be going pretty well." So you soil this new relationship by seeking out people you apparently don't even know very well, listening to rumors they have offered up, and placing their council above his actions. Then furthermore, casting speculatory accusations about and laying out ultimatums.Is your life so dull you feel the need to create tension and drama, where it is, as far as I can tell, unwarranted? Are you in the sixth grade?, I hope at least then your behavior, while still wrong, would be somewhat age appropriate. How old are you?Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I think what you did was quite harsh and extremely juvenile.
Calm down, calm down...it's not even that serious. And how long did it take for you to put together that wonderful little response? Now we all know that OldFolks knows his S.A.T words. ::applause::
Anyways, I stand by what I said when I told him I was not going to be putting up with his shit. This was to let him know that if in the future he plans/planned on doing something wrong to me, that I was not going to stand for it. I mean that still. He didn't run for the hills like you think he should have. We talked about it and I dropped it.
So I don't understand why everyone is being hostile towards me?
I told him what I heard and he told me that it wasn't true. I chose to believe him.
You act like I threatened to kill him or something.
And BTW, is your life dull? It made me laugh when I read your response. You spent way too much time crafting it. Get a hobby.
He didn't run for the hills like you think he should have.Either he has a weak character, or he's very horny.> We talked about it and I dropped it.You gave him crap for apparently nothing.> So I don't understand why everyone is being hostile towards me?Because you were being a complete jerk. You were stupid for putting any credence in what the girls (who you apparently don't even know well) said. It was more likely backstabbing cattiness than a moment of sisterhood.> I told him what I heard and he told me that it wasn't true. I chose to believe him.And then you threatened him. I hope you're totally perfect.> You act like I threatened to kill him or something.It's not a matter of life or death, but you're starting out a relationship where you disrespect and mistrust the other person. Why bother? Don't waste your time or his. Just move on to someone else.That was very childish behavior on your part. I don't know how old you are, but hopefully you'll get past it.
God, I cannot stop laughing!We did not start the relationship on a negative note. This situation just happened like two days ago. A crazy person is not the real me. People can just make you do crazy things when feelings become involved. I'm not waiting for him to mess up so I can kick his ass or anything. Stop thinking that.Let's chalk it up to a misundestanding. Will that make everyone feel better? Jeez, you think I threatened to run his mom over or something. You people are jumping all over me, and I don't think that is necessary....
You asked for opinons. You got them.
How would you like it if he pulled the same crap on you?
Since you seem to be getting so much hostility I'll try and help you out.Techinically there's no one to blame. You both decided to find info on each other and you did. He said he found nothing on you. You heard these girls say false things about him. You confronted him and asked him about it and he said no. And you let it go. Enough said. I see no problem. When you said that you can be crazy and that you don't want to put up with anything I totally understand you lol. When you're in a relationship, honest to God I do not want to find out 2-3 years later he slept with 6 girls from Hong Kong in one night and has a child named Charles. That's sick lol. And can make a person crazy. But I go crazy in a good way. My crazy is fun..ny. But if he says it's not true then be cool with it and let it slide because these girls don't need to wreck your relationship. If anything pops up then you know. For now enjoy it.
If you didn't care what people said about him why exactly did you bother asking them? I don't know of any females, let alone several, that would slander a guy in such a way solely because he's a jock. That makes absolutely no sense. If you want my opinion, move on to someone else.
I thought the same thing. And I told him that. Why would all these girls says that about you if it didn't have an inkling of truth to it? He's got to understand that because he is a jock, people are especially going to talk about him. He said he didn't do anything, so I told him that he needs to take a look at who his friends are then and he needs to become more aware of how people think of him because he was definitely oblivious in this case.
>>>"Now we all know that OldFolks knows his S.A.T words. ::applause::"
It's called being articulate (hope that's not to big of a word, would you like a dictionary?) and it is quite handy when trying to convey ideas through the written word. As you said, "Let's chalk it up to a misundestanding. Will that make everyone feel better?" I would suggest you try being a little more articulate and perhaps you will find yourself in fewer misunderstandings.
>>>"I read your response. You spent way too much time crafting it."
Unlike you, apparently must do, as evident by the above quote, I don't have to toil over and craft my words in order to accurately convey the idea I wish to express. I assure you, they come quite naturally and without undo mental strain, effort or time, on my part. Furthermore, even if it did take time and effort, that is the cost for imparting ideas and thoughts as you have conceived them and wish to put them forth.
>>>"Get a hobby."
I have a hobby, your reading it. I certainly appreciate the suggestion though.
>>>"I've been talking to this guy for a little over a month..." in O.P.
>>>"We did not start the relationship on a negative note." to Helmns
A month, or right there about, and you no longer consider it, the start of a new relationship? As I previously asked, are you in the sixth grade?
>>>"This was to let him know that if in the future he plans/planned on doing something wrong to me, that I was not going to stand for it."
In all sincerity, that should not have to be proclaimed in any relationship. If you genuinely feel you must state this up front, I think, it would be best to leave him and move on to someone with whom trust is not such an issue.
But I also told him that I was crazy and I wasn't going to put up with any of his shit and he better not mess up because he didn't want to cross me. OH please.........rolls eyes >>>>So I don't understand why everyone is being hostile towards me? Really???? i can't imagine why either, maybe its the way you come across........shrugsYou're rude, to oldfolks for example, annoying, attention seeking, and getting on my nerves..........
To OldFolks,Being articulate and being an ass are two different things. I didn't like the tone of your response. It was condescending and I took offense to it. I'm glad my post was the place for you to showcase your vocabulary skills though.To Angel Witch,I still stand by my previous comments. You are damn right I'll go crazy if I become seriously and emotionally involved with him and I find out he's playing behind my back. Damn right. And I told him that I meant that. And guess what? He is still here. Gosh.Oh yeah, that's silligirl84, always rude and attention-seeking...this whole board is full of rude and attention-seeking people...including yourself.
You are damn right I'll go crazy if I become seriously and emotionally involved with him and I find out he's playing behind my back.But that would be true for anyone, wouldn't it? Would you say this to every guy who asked you out? If someone did that to me, I'd assume that she had just gotten out of an abusive relationship, or that she had a psychological condition.There are thousands of things that you expect other people not to do, but you don't lecture people every time you see them. If so, I wouldn't want to go into a restaurant with you.If he cheats on you, you dump him. You wouldn't cut him up, would you? Lecturing him up front at best won't do anything, and at worst will make him resentful. It may come up later in the relationship. He may get the idea that you won't trust him, no matter what he does.Also, believing rumors and hearsay from people you don't even know is just...unwise. And very unfair.
Weren't you once sillygirl84, and the author of such threads as:
NO SYMPATHY FOR TEEN MOTHERS ("Your stupid asses should have kept your legs closed.")
Re: F*UCK DEPO! IT'S ALL ABOUT THE NUVARING, BITCHES!! ("I guess no one has a sense of humor anymore. Oh and if you really took offense to the "bitch" part...then you might be one!!")
I'm so pissed...I can't even think straight... (intense attratction to a man-whore?)
Hoping she loses her baby... ("I'm pissed because it's with some fucking bitch I cannot stand. I hate her some much...")
**Can't Let It Go... ** ("I look back and see that I was mean and difficult.")
Re: One Night Stand ("I had a one night stand once...it wasn't so bad, until the guy thought that it was going somewhere. I couldn't see how he figured it would turn into some kind of relationship. The he really started to get on my nerves and now he just disgusts me.")
You have accumulated a lot of anger. It's corrosive, and won't serve you well.
This is pretty relevant to this thread: Dating and Men
In reply to:
I absolutely hate the state of dating!
It is so hard to find ONE decent guy!
This is why I've been single practically my whole life because I don't trust guys. I've had a guy lie to me about having a girlfriend and kids. I have tons of guys lie about being single when they're not. Why do guys think it's OK to be deceitful? I am always honest with them, but most of them are never honest with me. So I don't put up with it. If I get vibe that something isn't right, I just stop talking to them. It is such a turn off and that person becomes ugly in my eyes. At this rate, I'll probably be single for a long time, but I feel I'll cut out a lifetime of drama and misery. But I get frustrated and a little lonely. Should I just take the risk of being hurt or should I wait for the right person to come along?
Now I see where the trust problem comes from. It's something that will interfere with all of your relationships. You will always be waiting for the other shoe to drop.
It would really be worth addressing your anger and trust issues.
**woah sherlock, you need to change your user ID steve..............sherlock, columbo..........?? LOL ** :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:
"I'm glad my post was the place for you to showcase your vocabulary skills though."Point taken. I shall henceforth, assume any reader of my post has little, if any, command of the English language and as such, may be easily offended by its use. Furthermore, I shall write, to the utmost of my abilities, in a manner congruent with the lowest common denominator of society in a continual effort to avoid perceived offensive, demeaning or belittling rhetoric.Awwww Shit!.....There I go show-boat'in, again. Guess there's no hope.>>>"It was condescending..."If so, then that's because I thought your course of actions had been extremely juvenile and ill conceived.Lastly, not that you care what I have to say at this point, I would encourage you to take Steve's advice and seek help for what seems to be some serious trust and anger issues. ____________________________________Steve, that's a rather enlightening discovery. You are quite the sleuth.....oh, I mean detective.....is the word detective okay?....or would fact-finder-looker-upper-guy be better?And my vote is for Columbo. I always liked Columbo...I'll send you the wrinkled tan overcoat,.....with a cheap cigar, of course.