Au contraire. You might want to think about why some people do certain things in a subtle manner.If you want someone to go away, you can yell at them and tell them to go away, or hit them and tell them to go away, and so on, but people don't typically act that way.And if you do something "stupid" (actually, something that appears, on the surface, irrational) out of the blue, there's usually a reason for it. Dealing with this one little incident is good, but it would be a better idea to look at the big picture. For instance, if you get hurt while getting into a fist fight, a trip to the emergency room is a good immediate solution, but it doesn't really help you in the long term.> 'When drink is in - Sense is out'.You didn't just discover that truism. You knew it before the incident. So then, why did you do it?Just something to think about. If you prefer, you're free to act instead.
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Stupid move made - help appreciated!
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It must be great being you Steve, someone who has never had a problem or made a mistake in his life. It's just a pity for me you're not Irish, because I'm currently working on a project that details the experiences of Irish minorities. You'd be a priceless find as an interviewee, being so much in the minority as to be absolutely unique.
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I don't understand why you are getting so upset with how we are interpreting this situation. It sounds to me like you should not drink due to your current emotional state with what's going on in your relationship.
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What problems I may or my not have had is immaterial. Whether you're the Queen of England or some guy who's had a bad day, you're correct if you say 2 plus 3 equal 5, but incorrect if you say it equals 3.47.I recomment examining the bigger picture. It's not necessarily trivial. There might be something that motivates a particular behavior, and some overarching thing that causes a set of behaviors.You're free to think about it, or you can just quickly react. You make the call.
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I'm not at all upset actually, just bemused and somewhat curious as to why anyone would take it upon themselves to diagnose the workings of a relationship half a world away among two people they'd never met, with nothing to go on beyond the fact that they'd had a few rows of late, as is hardly outside the realms of the norm. But then, I suppose since you like to play 'psychologist for a day' maybe you like to amuse yourself with imagining you are telepathic also? At least I need to drink ten pints before I start acting stupid.
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We have a saying here; 'When drink is in - Sense is out'. Anyone who'd like to point out that it was a stupid thing to do need only look at the first segment of this threads subject line to see that, since I scripted it, I couldn’t possibly be in need of having that impressed upon me. Anyone who thinks I need an unpaid wanna-be psychologist in my ear need only look at the second segment, which clearly reads 'help appreciated' not 'bullshit appreciated'.
I was going to leave this alone, but you have this thing where if anyone says something you don't want to hear, then we aren't reading close enough. First of all, if you are drinking enough to lose your senses, then you have a problem. It was a stupid decision to pull a prank like that. You had no idea what kind of person this guy was. You are lucky he didn't find out where you live and come to your house (trust me, people do that). It was a stupid decision because you caused yourself unnecessary stress. All this could have been avoided if you had just walked away from the guy. You didn't have to get his number; you didn't have to call him. If you were truly that committed to your relationship, you would have done neither of the two. Instead you did, and it raises some red flags.
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Why do you need to drink 10 pints in the first place. I'm sorry, my dear, but you have some serious problems. Also, this sarcastic attitude--it's not working. You come here and you post your problems. YOU opened up the floor to criticism. YOU invited us to interpret this situation by simply posting your problem on here. Also, by your defensive mode, it seems that we are getting at something here.
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There are certain archetypical behaviors that people engage in that universally indicate certain things; a knowledge of the underlying relationship is not required in order to make certain non-detailed conclusions.Likewise if a member of a couple uses physical violence against the other. It's just more obvious in that case.
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In reply to: I told my boyfriend about the whole thing yesterday morning. He just said "Well that was stupid, but we all do stupid things in drink. If he calls again while I'm here just hand the phone to me" and that was the end of the matter, much to my relief! Ah good. Well, you didn't get an earful about it either. So things may be on the up and up.
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"I recomment examining the bigger picture. It's not necessarily trivial. There might be something that motivates a particular behavior..."There may of course be something that motivates a particular behaviour Steve, as well there may not. What motivates your behaviour re the interest you've displayed in this farcical little event in my life, I would be curious to know? Perhaps you'd like to take a turn in the psychiatrist chair of your own making and turn the spotlight on yourself? Or perhaps you could analyse CBW’s obviously fervent interest? Better still, why don’t the two of you analyse each other?; I'm sure it could be a mutually beneficial arrangement, since you clearly share an enthusiasm for examining the workings of the mind?!
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In reply to:
Why do you need to drink 10 pints in the first place. I'm sorry, my dear, but you have some serious problems.
I'm not sure you understood what she was saying (or maybe I didn't, if so, I apologise). She was saying that while it demands a large amount of alcohol for her to act stupid, you appear to act stupid while sober in your attempts at a psychological analysis.
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“Why do you need to drink 10 pints in the first place. I'm sorry, my dear, but you have some serious problems”You know nothing about Irish social culture obviously, lol, ten pints at the weekend is taking it easy here (my dear!)“YOU opened up the floor to criticism”And that is how a lot of people see a2a, unfortunately; posting a problem should be in no way taken as an invite to criticism. It is an attitude that really lowers the tone around here. And you’re supposed to be a moderator?!“Also, by your defensive mode, it seems that we are getting at something here”Anyone who is a regular reader of these threads will know that you are taking your current stance because you made a fool of yourself recently regarding your inept commentary on the Rwandan genocide. I pointed that out to you – and you just resent the hell out of that, as your behaviour here is proving in spectacular style. “getting at something”? – Dream on.
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Spot on Bob!
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Thanks Websex; he wasnt exactly what you'd call pleased about it, but then who would be - not me! There was no earfull anyway, thankfully, ha ha! I think it just proves my theory that honesty is the best policy.
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Well Steve and CBW, you can keep up your analysis in my absence as it is 12.15 and I'm off to bed. Since you've no problem giving me advice I'll give you some of mine: you might want to consider going to college and studying for a degree in your chosen field; that way you will have the benefit of getting paid for it.
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as well there may notThat's rarely true, but I'm glad you were able to say what you said without implying that I'm too dumb to walk, or that breathing doesn't suit me. As I said, what I say stands (or falls) on its own; my own personal situation is immaterial. A better way to handle it might be, "OK, I'm not interested", without the insulting comebacks. Then what could I say but, "Well, OK, I tried, have a good life"?But anyway, what you did was surely not triggered by a cosmic ray happening to have stimulated just the right neuron at ther right time. There are certainly complex reasons behind it.It's good that your boyfriend took it well, and I'm sure that he understands that people sometimes do ridiculous things when they're drunk, this is something that will always be in the back of his mind. Even if there are no repercussion from this incident, what would you think that something similar won't happen again? And if it happens again, what effect do you think that would have on your relationship?It's as if you were caught driving drunk and were seeking help in how to get out of the situation without being convicted, while not considering what got you in that situation in the first place.> She was saying that while it demands a large amount of alcohol for her to act stupid, you appear to act stupid while sober in your attempts at a psychological analysis. If you're stupid while sober, or if you know you're stupid when you get drunk and then you get drunk, is there really any difference? You're in the same boat either way.
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> You know nothing about Irish social culture obviously, lol, ten pints at the weekend is taking it easy here (my dear!)
I hope you're kidding, because if you're not, Irish culture is pathologically broken. Drinking ten pints of beer regularly is not consistent with good health, and that's even more true for a woman.
If your society really is that sick, you as an individual still do not have to have to engage is self-destructive behavior.
(Dealing with alcoholics and drunk people is indeed something I have a lot of experience with.)
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In reply to: There are certainly complex reasons behind it. That isn't really true. What she did, she did for a laugh while under the influence. It was a mean thing to do, but she was drunk. 'When drink is in - Sense is out'. There was no hidden reason behind it, she was looking for some entertainment and her joke backfired.The purpose of this thread was her concern over the man's repeated phonecalls and her boyfriend's reaction. This has for the most part been resolved.
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If you look at it very superficially, then you are correct. If you look at it realistically, you are not.HelmsmaN, you still have a very big chip on your shoulder. When do you think you'll be done sulking?
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Alcohol is a large part of the Irish social scene. We drink at all hours (not constantly) in most social situations. During and after meals (that can be dinner or lunch), after work, at weddings, at funerals, in fields, the list goes on. Whether this is healthy or not isn't a question, of course its not. But neither is smoking yet it is done in horrendously large amounts. Drinking at the amounts that Starfish is talking of isn't a daily thing, it happens maybe once or twice a week, usually on weekends. Irish people are a very social people, we're known for having "the gift of the gab". Alcohol has a very positive effect on the atmosphere and people enjoy it. Obviously there are negative side-effects that can result in people being seriously harmed, but it is something that for years people tolerated. Recently there has been much reform in trying to lower the rate of consumption, ad campaigns and the like. One of the strongest being the ever increasing tax on alcohol. But you can't change a society over night.
