What should I do about this? I know it's long, but there's a lot to say.My girlfriend and I have been together for a year, but I am not sure if I should continue our relationship or end it and just be friends. She's nice to me and we both love each other, but there are a few things that are upsetting me: 1) She doesn't always carry her cell phone on her. It's usually in her purse. I can't leave her a voicemail because her mailbox is full (she never checks her voicemail). I don't want to always call her house phone because one time, her mother had to use the phone and my girlfriend got yelled at by her mother because she didn't want to hang up.2) She almost never calls me, she'll send me text messages, but I'd rather talk to her on the phone. And her messages duplicate for some reason. If she says "hi," I'll receive the message twice. The texts also get annoying.3) She lives a half-hour from me, and she can't drive because she has epilepsy.4) We can't be together in the house alone because she could go into a seizure.5) She has to go to bed around 9:00pm during the week because, if she gets too tired, she can go into a seizure.6) I sometimes worry that she'll have a seizure with me, even though I know how to administer her medicine and what to expect.7) When we go out, she pays for items with CHANGE when she runs out of bills. It takes forever for her to count the change, which slows down us and the people waiting in line. I am considering taking her to a CoinStar machine to have the change converted into dollar bills.8) She's somewhat immature, and when she makes jokes, she often doesn't know when to stop, which causes her parents to correct her in front of me (if her and I are with one of her parents)She DOES have good qualities, though:1) She's nice2) We have a lot in common3) She has a good sense of humor, even if she does go overboard4) She's pretty and cute (and has beautiful eyes)5) Her family (mom, dad, and younger brother) is very nice to me and are not overprotective of my girlfriend6) She likes to cuddle with me7) She was a wonderful date to my Senior Prom8) She likes to play games (I don't mean sexual) I really don't know what to do. Part of me wants to break up with her and look for someone else. Am I the only one who has doubts like this?!What do you think I should do?
I Need Some Girlfriend Advice
Most the problems you are describing seem to revolve around her epilepsy. The problems you describe (Going to bed at 9, paying in change, txting) are hardly worth breaking up over if you truly love her.
Everyone has flaws your girlfriend seems to have tiny flaws that could easily be looked past if you really love her. It seems to me its her disorder that bothers you, and i can imagine you knew what you were getting into a year ago, when your relationship started.
If you do not want to be with her for reasons like this then maybe you dont truly love her, because nothing you describe in my eyes atleast is worth breaking up over if you truly love her.
In regard to reasons 1 and 2:Sounds like she hates Cell phones. I like her already. Note: sometimes people don't like talking on the phone. My GF I've known for 3 + years and she hates the phone. I'd say if you lover her as you say, you shouldn't care that you can't instantly get a hold of her. Jesus, she probably has a life too. In regards to reasons 3 through 6:Understandably, her condition bothers you. Think how she feels about it. If you were the one with seizures, how would you feel if she left you. On another note, if you love her, shouldn't you want to be there for her, and protect her through the epilepsy? I mean in honesty, that seems like an awfully superficial reason. Yeah, it's hard. My GF is on medication for depression, and as a result, tends to be a little, insensitive, as well as has no sex drive (to my utter dismay). That just doesn't seem like an applicable reason.Reason 7:I'm sorry? I have a lot of change. Have you asked her not to use change? Have you really asked her, or just mentioned it casually? Realize that sometimes people don't know things bother you until you spring it on them all at once. Also, it sounds like a mundane pet peeve to me.Reason 8:Everybody has a fault. Is it so eclipsing that you can't see past it?------It sounds to me like she has a lot of good things going for her and you. I would say, from what you've stated, that breaking up isn't justified. I think you should really look into what you've said a little more empathetically. Put yourself in her shoes (make sure you put some Arm & Hammer in them, so you can get them back off. A little Humor.). However, what matters here is what you feel. If you love her like you say, then stay with her. Seems to me like you have a good thing going. A true companionship is nearly impossible to come by. However, don't feel like you have to love her just because of time or status. If you think there's something missing, then explore why, see if you can fix it, and if it turns out you really don't love her like you thought before, then you owe it to her and yourself to get out in a dignified manor. If you care for her, you should be able to look past those mundane problems. It seems to me that you're letting some frustrations get the better of you for no reason. Step back and really look at everything you have. Then try again. Good Luck
Although RainNightBlue and MMAfighter already hit the nail on the head, I'll add my two cents.Reasons 1 & 2Why does she need to have her phone ALL the time? It's her phone, and she has every right to do whatever she wants with it. Why do you feel you need to call her that often that you leave her messages? Maybe she's busy, maybe forgot where she put her phone, or she just doesn't want to pick it up.The reason for her duplicate text messages may be due to her network or the phone signal or some technical reason. How is that her fault? And how in the world does that justify a reason for a breakup?Solution: Why don't you tell her, in person, that you want to talk to her at least once everyday or whatever. Find a common ground for your communication. I don't like talking on the phone myself. Me and my boyfriend chat through AIM.Reason 3Uh, so why don't YOU go to her house? Don't use her condition to justify the distance thing.Solution: Drive, get a ride, take the bus or train. Whatever it takes.Reason 4I'm sure that you knew from the beginning of your relationship that she has epilepsy. Why would that change after a year? I assume you knew what you were getting in to.Solution: Be more understanding and even learn what to do when she does have a seizure.Reason 5Are you fucking kidding me?Solution: Get over it.Reason 6Like I said, I'm assuming you knew what you were getting into. If you know how to administer her medicine and what to expect, then why can't you be alone with her (referring back to reason four)?Solution: You already know what to do, just in case. In the meantime, figure out WHY it bothers you.Reason 7So what? Everyone does something that's going to annoy someone else. My boyfriend has a list of things that drive me up the wall. But I learn to tolerate it because I love him. When you love someone you accept the good AND the bad.Solution:Learn to tolerate.Reason 8I'll skip to the solution to this one. If her jokes bother you then tell her to ease it a bit. If she doesn't change it, then nothing will. Again, learn to tolerate.Conclusion:From what I read, you have no real valid points to break up with her. It seems to me, you want to leave her because of her mental disorder. If you knew she had epilepsy, then why did you get with her? Why bother wasting her time if her disorder bothered you so much? The other small things can be easily dealt with with talking and understanding. You only used her disorder to find more reasons.So the main question is: how do you REALLY feel about your girlfriend having epilepsy? Do you even love her?
Those reasons are pretty weak IMO, it looks like you're looking for an excuse. If it were me, I'd break up with her, or at least go on a break. See how I felt, then decide.
I did this with my girlfriend, and it made me realize how much I missed and cared for her, and when I went back I had no doubts at all. Before that though the doubts were nearly eating me alive. So whilst I hate the fact I hurt her, I don't regret the break up at all.
I got lucky though, I had to work my ass off to get her back, and she was forgiving enough to have me. You might not be so lucky, but then again, maybe the break up really is what you need.
Originally Posted By: nesh20073) She lives a half-hour from me, and she can't drive because she has epilepsy.If you're willing to date a girl with epilepsy, then by all means stick with it. You're saving some other poor soul a huge headache.Kidding.Sounds like this is one of your first relationships ... if you're having second thoughts about a girl when you're just starting to get into dating then I would cut things off asap. Too many people decide to stay with someone who doesn't truly make them happy just because they don't know what else the world has to offer. I would try something else, and if that doesn't do it for you then try to get her back.
Some points I want to make that were unknown or misinterpreted:
Her and I were friends for a while before we started our relationship
I was unaware of the epilepsy, I didn't find out until about two months into our relationship
I can't be in the house alone with her because of the epilepsy because my mom (I'm 18) doesn't want me to get too nervous if she has a seizure
I have told her twice about the change situation. Maybe I should express my concern again, but stronger than before.
I'm not questioning my relationship JUST because of her epilepsy
I would also like to thank the members who posted advice for me. I'll try to be more tolerant, but I'll be firm with her when it comes to getting too carried away with jokes.
If anyone else wishes to give advice, please read my first post completely.
Thanks again to everyone who contributed!
Originally Posted By: nesh2007I'm not questioning my relationship JUST because of her epilepsyCould've fooled me, from what I read in your first post.If it's not her epilepsy, then what is it about your relationship you're questioning? Is it the little things she does?And you didn't answer the last question I asked: How do you feel about her?
To be honest and I mean no offense to you what so ever by saying this but, those are pretty messed up reasons to break up with her. As Virtual_Star said earlier, to which I agree whole heartedly, leaving her for those reasons are really really well, dumb. Are those the real reasons you want to break up with her? Cause to me it seems like there is more than meets the eye to that. All I'm saying is if you say you love her you would think long and hard. You may just regret acting rashly.
Thank you for your advice. I reviewed everyone's advice and I decided that I'm staying with my girlfriend. I have also decided that I am going to express my concerns with her.