Guy won't/can't cum with me

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Not sure if this is the right section to post this, but... I have had a sexual relationship with a guy for about a year and a half now. We are not in a committed relationship, but are more like friends with benefits. He is usually the one who initiates our hook ups and is always very eager, as am I. Most of our sex is just him eating me out repeatedly. When I try to go down on him, he only lets me stay there for a brief time and sometimes I notice that he won't stay hard while I'm sucking him off. I know guys are different, but I've been with several other guys who have had no problem cumming when I blow them. This guy never cums when I give him blowjobs and he rarely lets me do it for very long anyway.

We rarely have vaginal sex, even though he will often tell me how much he wants his cock inside of me. When I offer him a condom, he'll have vaginal sex with me for a very brief time before making an excuse to stop. We have also tried anal sex and allowed that to last slightly longer than vaginal sex or blowjobs, but he'll still make an excuse to stop without ever climaxing and it doesn't seem like he even gets very close to cumming. He won't let me give him hand jobs either.

Every time, he jerks himself off. I feel terrible because I really want to be the one to make him cum. I've become incredibly self conscious because it seems like I must be awful at sex to the point that he doesn't want me near his dick. This has never happened with any of the other guys I've had sex with. I keep going back to him because the oral sex is great and I really want to please him. I have asked him several times what he wants me to do for him in bed and he always responds that he just wants to please me and that is satisfying enough. I just don't understand why he can't/won't let me make him cum. Is this just a problem with me or is there something on his side that is causing this? Is there anything I can do? Does anyone have any experiences with something like this?

@Gemini3, welcome to A2A. You mention that you've been in a sexual relationship with this guy for a year and a half. Has he been uncomfortable about you being the one to make him cum the whole time or is this something new?

@readytogo It has been this way from the beginning. At first, he would only cum on my face and mentioned offhand that he has heard that some guys can't cum unless it's on a girl's face. I thought it was a little strange, but I didn't mind. He eventually lost interest in doing it on my face, but he still wouldn't let me be the one to make him cum. I don't know if he just likes having control over it or if there's something wrong. He told me that in his last relationship, which lasted 3-4 years, he lost interest in having sex with his girlfriend and spent more than half of their relationship thinking his sex life was over. He always seems very enthusiastic about our sexual relationship, but I can't help but think that it's strange that he won't let me finish him off.

Some guys do find it difficult to cum from blowjobs or handjobs but it seems there is something more here. There is definitely some issue on his side causing this, but unless he tells you what it is it's hard to know how to help him.

@Ineligible i was thinking the same thing but was trying to figure out what was the best way to say it.... It sounds like there are some underlying issues in there somewhere.

@Roc I'm definitely smelling a control issue here, but maybe I'm wrong. @ineligible, the thing that gets me is that he not only "can't" or "won't" cum from blowjobs and handjobs, which I understand, but also doesn't finish with vaginal sex (even with a condom for protection). There is definitely something missing here.

I have never been able to come from a blow job with my wife and I want to but it just doesn't feel as good as vaginal sex to me - I am so turned on by staring at her beautiful face It bothers her that I can't orgasm from a BJ and she takes it personally. It is not her though, it is my issue and the best thing I can do is let her know that. We had major marital problems and separated for a year during which time we both had relationships with other people. The woman I dated was also frustrated that I couldn't come from a BJ. actually, I couldn't cum with her at all, she was amazing and gorgeous but I could not stop thinking about and wanting my wife. She took the fact that I couldn't orgasm with her personally and I felt so bad. I related to your story because I focused on giving her really great head - I love doing that even if I don't cum and it is very fulfilling to me if the woman has orgasms and squirts - I think now that that is all I really wanted was to go down on her.

Your situation sounds like it is his issue and has very little to do with you.

@Recovery24hours Thanks for your response, Recovery. Your addition to the site is appreciated. It is comforting for people to see that others have "been there and done that" before, and that they are not alone.

Well. let him try to treat it with a proper Ed treatment [link removed] or some alternative herbal treatment if he likes it