Time

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thanks fabmx

ive done it this time jason isnt goin to behappy it wouldnt stop bleeding my head IS FUCKEWD UP WHY DO I KEEP DOIN THIS whay the fuck am i sooooooo FUCKED IN THE HEAD what the fuck is wrong wiv me i aint work the air i breath or the food i drink let alone the life i live shit ican cope god what can i do

calm down fluffy please. Hun, its going to be okay. from what I've been told cutting yourself can become an addiction like smoking. I think you really need to figure out what's causing you to do this, like what are the underlying factors. Once you recognize those you can go from there to figure out why they effect you so much. Remember you have a son, he's your world, what would he do without his loving mom who means the world to him?! I hope things get better..Winger

hes seen it we are going to have a very very long talk i hope he doesnt leave i doubt he will but i have hurt him too

deadinside, I don't have any direct experience of British universities, only Australian; but I'd be very surprised indeed if they'd even think of withdrawing an offer just because you were on anti-depressants. To do that here would be grossly illegal. There are no medicals for university studies here; but even with employment medicals, they mainly have them so that if an employee claims their work caused some illness, they can check whether they originally had it when they started.

ok well we had a long talk last nite and he admitted he was very upset with what i have done again but he has noticed that my attidued has changed latley. Anyhow he is going to support me and help me find what is going on in my head and what we can do to stop me hurting myself. Im glad he has reacted this why but my head still feels fucked. im thinking of going to see a counsellor which is outta my area so then no one from work can find out one of the girls know what i do and are helpping me to but she will keep it under raps. I guess its just all past exsperinces that are leading me to be fucked up in the head a lot has happend well alot of small things have happend and i guess they have all built up and made me feel like this thought i feel like i wanna scream them all out but i cant tell jason cause it would freak him out totally and just wanna scream and shout about what people have done to me and how i have come to realise that they where totally and utterly shitty bad things and that i was just their door mat or a piece of shit to them i fucking hate it. people have walked all over me time and time again i cant do this anymore fuck i am going on about my stupid shit again sorry.

becaus eof the course i gonna be doing, i cant have history of any mental health problems, including depression coz of the relapses and stuff. i cant therefore go on any meds as i wood no longer be able to go and study

i was on a really bad paranoia last night i couldnt believe it i do this now and again jason was like wow whats going on he was really tierd but he stayed up wiv me and mad me a hot drink and stuff....a paranoia night is when i have to check all the doors are locked the fire is off and baby is safe and all the switches are off sounds narmal hey well its like this ...i check the fire which takes me 15mins the doors i check about 7 times the switches i send ja down to check twice then go down my self the baby i just constanly get up and check hes ok and hes breathing and stuff...then i get up and check the whole house again and that the alarm is on it drives jason crazy. Then after all that messing about i start crying for nothing adn end up getting up any way and having a smoke and a hot drink its crazy im going loopy here.

That sounds like OCD rather than paranoia, Fluffy. SSRIs like Prozac are helpful with OCD - have you got back on it yet? It sounds like being off it might be the reason you're getting all these black thoughts.

i was on prozac but i was really stupid and stop taking them im back on them now and the effect is sort making me feel a tad betteralready thanks