I feel like one of my best friends is making a really stupid mistake. She has decided, for reasons unknown to myself, to date a 26 year old guy. She just turned 19 four months ago. I don't want to interfere in her life and but I don't think this is right and I don't want her to date this guy. She says that they aren't doing anything physical but at the same time she doesn't want this to be a serious relationship and she doesn't indetend to follow through with it in terms of a long term commitment thing. I guess my question would be why doesn't she see anything wrong with this, or am I the one whose wrong in thinking a man whose almost thirty should not be dating a teenager.
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Best friend is being stupid
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**7 years at that age isn't that big a deal, he is probably only he age mentally anyway LOL................and at 19 she has to be left to make her own decisions, and mistakes if thats the outcome. You trying to stop her could cause a whole lot of problems between you and your friend............be a friend, try not to get drawn into her relationships and be there for her IF things go wrong. **
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Well hun I can see what you are saying but personally I see nothing wrong with the age. What I DO have issue with is she has no issues on making this a long term relationship. Does this guy know this?? If not she might end up hurting this guy who might have real feelings for her.Again as for the age I see nothing wrong with it. Two weeks after my 18th birthday I started dating a guy who was 28 years old. We ended up being together for 5 1/2 years, and it was the best 5 1/2 years of my life. He was and still is an amazing guy. We just have different goals in life. We are still bestfriends today. So age doesn't mean anything really.. it's all about what they both have intentions and/or motives to be with each other that can be wrong.Hope that makes sense.
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i agree with the others, shes 19 now and responsible enough to make these decisions...i dont think the age gap is too bad, i dont really think you can classify it as 'wrong', if they like eachother and are good for eachother its no big deal really.
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Nearly thirty? He's 26, thats not nearly thirty anymore than I'm nearly 20. 19 year old girl with 26 year old man sounds perfectly natural to me, I dont see what the deal is.
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I had to laugh when i read that nearly thirty bit..................OMG im 34 that means im nearly 40............shit that sounds sooooo much worse sob
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Is it the age issue that's bothering you about this or is there more to it? Sometimes people focus on one thing when there are many little things bothering them as well.
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The thing is that she purposly hide from me his age. She said she was dating this guy and that he was really sweet. I found out a few weeks later from a mutal friend of ours. She didn't know I didn't know his age. In my mind the fact that she hide his age from me seems to set off a flag. I don't know, maybe it's just me.
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As I said before, I wouldn't let the age bother you more so than how your friends is treating the situation. I'm more concern this guy is going to be the one getting hurt. But that's me.
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I think as a friend you should voice your opinion and concerns to her because she is your friend but she has to decide what is best for her You just need to be there to pick up any of the pieces if it all falls apart. That's what friends do for friends... They support them even if they don't approve of what they are doing when it comes to relationships... Unless it is abusive or something like that
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hmm... There's so much to say on this, but I'll stick to what is most likely.Do you think she hid his age from you because she is a good enough friend to know that you don't approve dating older guys? Do you think that dating someone who is 7 years older is as bad as someone who dates outside of their species? If you and your friend were both 51, and she dated someone who was 58, would it be a big deal? those are some of the questions I would ask myself. I have had lots of experience with girls dating older men. Hell, my own fiance left me for a 32 year old when she was 23. She actually married him 13 months after I found out what she was doing. The funny thing about that situation was, her younger sister, who was 20 at the time, was dating a 33 year old. A good friend of mine, who is male, married a 33 year old woman when he was 22. He is still married to her all these years later, and honestly, you couldn't look at her and tell her age anyhow. They are what I would expect of a good healthy relationship. When they first got married, they both had different ideas about what they wanted (she was ready to push out a few kids, he was looking for wild nights of circus sex hanging from the ceiling) They found a way to work everything out, and they are fine. Who cares if she gets AARP letters in the mail when he is only 45? It's trivial, age that is...One thing that bothers me is that she knows it won't be anything serious, so is she just using him? Would she say it "could" be serious IF HER FRIEND approved of it? I mean, what if she tells you it isn't anything serious, when in reality it is because she doesn't want you to think bad of her. I mean, what exactly makes it stupid? is it that she lied or dodge the age question with you, so as not to hurt your feelings? Is it the fact that 26 seems ancient to you? Honestly, I can't remember what 19 felt like. I must say, I can see how 26 could seem old. Let's think of how both people are benefitting here. That will be the true question that should decide whether or not a relationship is wrong. When I say benefitting, please don't confuse it for something cliche like, "friends with benefits." Finding love and a deep connection to someone is a benefit to a relationship. Let's think of Jack Sprat and his porky wife. Jack Sprat could eat no fat, blah blah blah, so therefore, the two of them were good for each other. They didn't share the same interest, but together they both benefitted from each other. Should we assume that skinny men should not be chubby chasing, because they are not alike? To me, it's the same thing as being a rockingchair-robber/cradle-robber.Are you the same as your friend? What if you met a sweet guy who was older? what if he looked like he was 19? I guess I just am sensitive to this issue because I have always looked younger than I actually am. Hell, sometimes I still get carded at bars. It's embarassing, when they realize you are a lot older, but I enjoy the attention I get sometimes. I won't post a picture, but I have photos of me at age 25-26 that you'd swear I was only 18 at most. Sometimes is sucks because I get 18-21 year old girls who really flirt with me, and it's hard to ever let them know how old I really am, because I know it will be over as soon as they find out. Even worse, I know I could never date a young woman who hasn't the life experience. That's another thing I worry about with a 19 year old girl. She hasn't had life's full experience yet, if she does decide to marry him, the chances that she will cheat, or end it in divorce are pretty good. How can you say, at age 19, that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone? You need to experience the world, then settle down. That's just my opinion, btw.
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thank you very much for your honest and helpful advice.