Rock Bottom

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You should definitely see your doctor/psychiatrist (whoever prescribed your meds) and let them know how you are reacting to them. Sometimes it takes a couple of changes to get the one that works. You also might be onto something by thinking you should change the time of day you take them. I had to do that when I was on Lexapro. However, even that should be run by your doctor.As for the job, if you don't have one now, you should consider that having a job would likely go a long way toward curing your depression. Getting out and being with other people as opposed to isolating yourself. I actually did that last year as well. Worked wonders and was really instrumental in my healing. And it will work even better if it is a job you enjoy. Don't just say you want to work with animals, be proactive in finding a way to do so.Do you live with your father? If you do, then he has a right to insist you get a job. Why does he not know you are taking meds? Is it a shame thing for you? A lack of understanding for him?I really think there are some pretty simple solutions to your predicament.Good luck. Edit I just read your previous posts and saw that your father doesn't live with you. Maybe you should talk to your mom about getting him to lay off right now. Or, maybe you can challenge yourself to do it. YOur 19 years old, not a kid anymore. He needs to respect that. Besides, it might actually give you a huge boost to stand up for yourself to him. But do this if and only if you are prepared to take the steps needed to get better.

All my mom is just agree with me,she never helps me.My dad is a dick and I dont like him to much.I am thinking of going to college but I dont know what I will do or if I can do it.I just dont know what to do about the job,I really would like to work with animals and there arent to many jobs that involve animals where Im from.Most of the time I tell my dad how I feel and we fight,I dont like fighting but Im sick of his shit.

While I think you should definitely pursue a job or career that involves animals if that's what you enjoy, you also beed to be open to the fact that you may not be able to do that right away. You should consider taking a non-animal job until an animal job opens up.

As for college - you CAN do it.

I understand I may not be able to get a job I want but I dont want to work fast food or hard labor,I hate them.
I Dont know what else of job to do for now..as for college I think I def wanna go

There are LOTS of jobs that aren't fast food or heavy labor!Think retail, grocery store clerks, or chain department stores, stocking and such isn't too hard. Um, you could get in with a car dealer and wash the cars. As for animals, you could even leave your information at the local veteranarians, and start animal "babysitting" for people who are going to be out of town and need their animals cared for. You could also offer to volunteer at a shelter or some such thing, and then apply at a vets office to do cage cleaning and such. Yucky I know, but it is a good foot in the door You will do fine with college, it is scary starting out, but you can do it!

Great ideas Pepsi.
Several years ago I started dog/cat sitting for people. I did it once and word just got around. It's a fun gig, an opportunity to be somewhere else other than home, and a chance to play with critters.

Like I said life gets worse for me everyday.Today my friend comitted suicide and he was very close to me and my brother.I am taking it very rough because I just saw him last night,he seemed fine and asked if I wanted to go out with him and his friend,I said no because I didnt really want to and I was tired.Then this afternoon I found out he hung himself over a fight his parents had.my heart has broken and I feel so sick and ashamed.

I'm so very sorry. That's very hard to take. Hugs

I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry.I hope you have a good support system around you.Know that people here care about you as well.And PLEASE understand that you have no reason to feel shame.Hang in there buddy. There are better days ahead. I promise.

Thanks guys,Its just a hard time and i cant beleive it.I think i have a good support system,alot of kids loved my friend.Im still waiting for them better days I hope they come soon.

Better Days - the Robbie Seay BandFirst of all thanks for listening to our song We hope this finds you driving in your car or where ever you are breathe out and breath again know that life is hard, but its worth breathing, listen to me now for love, oh love, It's waiting for you just to say Chorus:here come better dayshere come better daysbetter days, and a better place I know.Secondly I'm all messed up so royally I stumbled my way here, but wait, oh wait grace has found meshaken up my soul, grace will followwhere ever you will go, listen to me now grace, oh grace, is calling for you just to say here come better days here come better days, better days, and a better place I know.Green grass and I'm laying in the sunlight of you, the wind is moving through the trees blustering you, and the better days you bring, the better places found, feasting at your table I'm overwhelmed, and I lift my glass drink to thoes who never gave up, clouds pass fading into memories gone,and all I know for life is life and love and peace, what eles could there be?here come better days, oh here come better days, better days, and a better place I know

Hello Coys. Here follows some realisations and perhaps some suggestions. Ive read all your posts and correspondance and i think i understand your position, that may remain hard for you to believe because i am going to say things that may appear harsh or insensative.
Ther are (if not more) at least two major realisations you need to discover. To preface this writing please aquaint yourself with the definitions of depression i offer to the users big straping lad and no feeling, read up my posted replies to their threads.
Ok. Firstly you are not your mam, dad or any other living soul. You are a seperate entity. You are physically seperated from your dad as well as psycologically. You are not in any way an extention of themselves. you are you and you stand alone. i suspect this realisation causes you emptyness and fear.
Secondly, even though you are 19 and in control of your own life you dont want to be. There are many good reasons why you dont want to be, here are a few of them.
If you move out and live in your own place or establish some knd of independance you would have to accept you are moving forward.
In doing this you really have to accept your parents do not understand, value or respect your ability to make your own decisions and have your own ideas about the things that interest you.

In these circumstances you would have to feel the rage, anger and despair that in reality outside the fantasy of your own mind your parents failed to love you.

In order to get real and find out if there is some work or thing you could do with animals you would be acknowledging your real feelings and attempting to exert your identity in the real world. along with this would come the pain and hurt your dad has no capacity to communicate with you or have faith in you as a human being seperate to himself.

The reason you remain depressed is you are at a crossroads. You know you want to work with animals. you know you dont want to cut your hair. Your know to achieve independence and establish yourself you need to do it for yourself.

However, in doing this you deal with the grief you have been short changed. Your childhood is over, you are angry because you dont feerl you have the skills or confidence to be a man. You are angry your father has left you feeling so insecure and afraid of the world by the picture of life you have built up from his guidance.
You remain depressed because you know you need to follow your heart and make the changes you feel are right however if you do this you dont know how to process all the suffering you have experienced. you dont know why it happened. you are afraid you will end up with nothing,

ultimatly you want someone to witness all that has happened someone to record the story and witness with you all that has hurt you and run you down.

If you had that you might them find the mental space to deal with the current time and future plans.

i can help you if you want to talk to me, you already know what you need to say, let it flow.
Take care.

Your friends: Lean on them, and let them lean on you. I feel like such an old lady for all I have been through! But I share your pain, and there ARE better days to come. It's been almost 6 months since my closest friend committed suicide. It is a rough time, but find peace for him. His life was painful, and he couldn't fight anymore, draw strength FOR him to live on. Cry, scream, and get as angry at him as you want, sob and miss him, and wonder why. It is all fair, and correct, what ever emotions you go through. I just caution against blaming yourself, in any way, shape, or form. And remember, he wasn't trying to hurt you, he was trying to escape, and possibly hurt his parents if they were fighting.As you go through this, search for what you should learn in order to be a better survivor than he was...And hold this close to you...NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, you will be OK.You have alot of people here who care, and we don't even know you that well. I trust that the ones close to you do to, lean on all of us.

I would really caution you to be careful.You are not in a positoin to ascribe to this young man reasons he is feeling depressed, or to tell him what he wants, or any such thing. I appreciate your willingness to help him, but the help he needs comes from listening to him and helping him figure these things out, not in telling him what is going on in his psyche and his family as if we are actually there with him.Especially now. He just lost his friend. Did you miss that part? I think now is not the best time to give hime a bunch of psycho-babbly talk.Sorry if that sounds harsh, but as a therapist who cringes at the thought of most psychoanalysis, I just felt you were a bit out of line.And then Pepsi said:In reply to: It is a rough time, but find peace for him. His life was painful, and he couldn't fight anymore, draw strength FOR him to live on. Cry, scream, and get as angry at him as you want, sob and miss him, and wonder why. It is all fair, and correct, what ever emotions you go through. I just caution against blaming yourself, in any way, shape, or form. And remember, he wasn't trying to hurt you, he was trying to escape, and possibly hurt his parents if they were fighting. To which Damien replied:Amen.

hmm, ok, but tricky.Incidently you are ascribing a model in which i should repond to him without you being there in his circumstances. a standard psycodynamic/ humanistic position. What you ascribe in terms of support may not do harm but perhaps may be perfectly useless.I reckon this person is at a critical position without any emotional support. I want him to create a persona of anger that he can use to assauge his existential depression long enough he become independant and then able to consider his own position and its psyche construction under his own esteem without further complication from parents, who are pushing him to catatonia, nilhilism and disaster. its ugly and i may be wrong, however the model you ascribe reqiures susternance in his reality to be of any use, theres far to much room here for counter transaference and narcissitic fantasy towards a 'skilled helper or listener on the internet' as a coping devise while remaining saturated in a stale mate situation. I would agree on your approach if there was real people in his environment to perform this service. even in the post industrail age i still maintain this method of communication as 'immagined community', and therefore we should not allow a person to ascribe or construct identity through electronic postings. I havnt got a magic wand, i do what i can.

Whoaa.. too much psycho-babble...

It would possibly help if the lay-person could understand it!!! lol

First of all, your messy pronoun usage and frequent dropping of words makes it quite difficult to understand what the hell you are trying to say. But I'll do my darndest. In reply to: Incidently you are ascribing I haven't ascribed to any model in these posts. I was just questioning yours. In reply to: a standard psycodynamic/ humanistic position. There was absolutely NOTHING psychodynamic or humanistic in what I posted. Please point out what you think was. In reply to: What you ascribe in terms of support may not do harm but perhaps may be perfectly useless. So you think that the practical advice that I and others on this thread were giving (which is, by the way, one of the main purposes of this board) is useless? As opposed to your pretentious "psychobabble/humanism"? Why don't you ask the original poster what he things about that. In reply to: persona of anger...assauge his existential depression...psyche construction...esteem...catatonia, nilhilism...counter transaference and narcissitic fantasy Well...looks like you certainly read the textbook. Now if you could only make it make sense for this situation. In reply to: and therefore we should not allow a person to ascribe or construct identity through electronic postings. And yet that is exactly what you were doing, and exactly what I was taking you to task for.I am not practicing psychology or psychiatry here. I am neither a psychologist nor a psychiatrist. I am a therapist who works from a systemic, person in environment perspective. Even then, I am not doing therapy here. I, along with others, am attempting to use my knowledge (which I actually happen to have) and my experience (which I also have) to give hope to a young man who has been through a huge crap pile. This is not a counselling model pissing contest. And it is not the time nor the place to bring in textbook psycho-jargon (all of which I very much understand, thank you) and try to psychoanalyze people.He's hurting. He's asking for help. I'm giving it. It would be great if you could do that as well.

LOL Thanks Damien...Lay person grinning!!!!

Well all that matters is Myself,my friends and my friends family are all getting through this,today we sat and talked about him for hours,we had so many good and funny storys,his dad was so happy to have us there,he is so happy to have us and called us his kids and we all just felt so much better.Slowly I will get through this,life wont ever be the same.