OK, small problem. Sadies is coming up in March, and the girl I wanna go with, I know for a fact likes me, and from how much she flirts, alot. BUT, I recently, practically absent-mindedly, told her that I don't go to Church, and from what I've heard, she's really not cool with that. When she asked, I almost lied, but then thought, 'No, if she wants to go to Sadies, and potentionally out with me afterwards, shes gotta know the real{CubsFan1989}'(damn my good morals)Now I'm worried that the situation is as FUBAR as I'm hoping it's not. I just want an opinion or thirty(lol) from some(hopefully) neutral minded, sensible people.If you need more info on the friendship that we've obtained(right word?) in the past few months, just ask.
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Am I paranoid, or is this a BIG PROBLEM?
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I've been asking myself the same question since Friday. I really, really like her, but if she gets 'scared' off, for lack of a better phrase, maybe shes not so perfect for me...
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Why do you think that is a small thing. People who are active in their faith tend to take it very seriously. As such, they want to be with someone who has that in common. It's not trivial, it makes sense. If she were just looking for a buddy, it wouldn't matter so much. But for dating...it should matter. (My next post will make me a veteran! Woot!)
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Of course it's not an issue with you if you're the one with no religious or spiritual orientation. Those who are spiritual would say you can't separate that from the real person. Why should they compromise that for a date? And this is from a VETERAN...FINALLY...WOOT!
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Exactly, and what's important here is the girl in question. While there are people like Bp's mom and dad, there are also couples that if they didn't have the same faith, they would not make it (like my aunt and uncle).
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Honestly, religion is a very important thing that I look for. I don't think I would feel comfortable dating anyone who isnt "Christian".. but if there were feelings there.. why risk something great because of something that could potentially change?In the future, when I'm looking for a Husband this may be more important.. but right now it's really not.You should really discuss this with her and be open and honest with her.
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If she is that set on religiong then it may not work out. Usually for the truly faithful, having someone as devoted as them is true bliss and love. There are things that people can look around in a relationships such as small (not unhealthy) habits, but personality and religious orientation then it is something that you need to have a talk about.
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I think it's fantastic that you told the truth. I wish more people were honest. Why don't you go to church? Is it that you don't believe in G-D? Or that you don't like the people that tend to go to church? Or is it just that you don't like being told how to live your life? I think if you can figure that out it will help you. If you don't believe in G-D. She will never be the kind of gf you want. And if you think about it you'd realize you really don't want to date her. Back in the olden days of my youth I went to a really cool church with less uptight people, the pastor wore jeans and a t-shirt on Sunday in front of the congregation. It was a come as you are kind of church. LOVED it there. Look around you may find something you like and she may look at you again. If you just don't like people telling you how to live your life, well you may have a bigger problem to deal with. There is always someone telling you how to live your life. And you need to learn to deal with that before you need to worry about Sadie Hawkins.
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It's not that I don't believe in G-D or some other higher power, it's just that I've had a few bad experiences in the church setting, like being physically forced to be Baptised at the age of 3, that I've gotten a bit of an uneasy feeling everytime that I've tried to go back to church with a friend or something. Also, it's kinda got something to do with having my life scripted for me, which is how I feel the Preacher/Pastor or whatever you personally call them, is trying to do. Maybe the feeling's personal, but that's how I've always felt.I agree that I'm gonna have to talk to her about it sometime in the not too distant future, which is where I need the most help. I have had one GF in the past, and she was, I'm kinda embarassed to say, on the internet( ) That's where my relationship experience ends, sadly enough...
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I must agree with BigPunisher on this. Your dating, not getting married. That being the case, I think the litmus test she is applying to you is unfair. Rather than appraising you on your merits as a person she is judging you on your rejection of institutionalized religion, which does not even equate to a rejection of god or the concepts behind Christianity. Like I said, personally I think what she is doing is unfair to you, but that is her right and if it's that important to her, it is good that she is as upfront about it as she is. Less the both of you waste a lot of time pursuing something doomed from the outset and, I would think, more likely, than otherwise, to end in animosity. I just don't get why you would want to be with someone who judges you like that. Since you seem to have some serious, and very arguably just, reservations about organized institutional religion, I don't think it wise to shop for a religion, that you find, only, palatable, for the sake of this or any girl or for that matter crowd of peers. Doing that, you are not only being dishonest with her, more importantly, you are being dishonest with yourself. If someday you find the need for organization, congregation and institutionalization and you find a church that fulfills those needs, great, just don't let yourself be pressured into it. If closeness to God is the intent how close can that relationship be if the side of humanity, in that relationship, is either coerced into it or is simply following the crowd.Short hand. I think, you should find someone who will value you for the person you are, rather than, someone who judges you by the club, church, or social strata to which you belong.