when i was bullied, and on my last full family vacation, i got this feeling. i dont have it now, but im not sure if it was depression or not. Its a kind of feeling of being eaten away inside, a physical ache inside of me, and its inescapeable because you cant run or sleep it away, and the more you think it through the worse you feel. I remember in Greece, back when my dad as alive, i lay on my bed once and just cried, and felt like i wanted to die. I remember in my first year of school, i think shortly after my second time being beaten up, i walked down the stairs, and my mum smiled at me, while she knew i had been beaten up at this point i had talked it out and she was just giving me a friendly glance, i cried and i felt pathetic for crying at age 12 so i cried more. I think thats depression, though im not sure what kind. Chilling thing is, when my dad died, and i was right by his bedside, i cried when he gave out a death rattle ( final breath, very noisy, croaky kind of wheeze someone gives out that signifies that they are dead ) and i knew he had passed on, but i didnt feel that depression. I didnt feel it after. I dont feel it now. My dad is dead and i want to cry and feel depressed and devastated, but i dont. I still think hes going to walk through the door, i still say 'man my parents are gunna be mad' and then i realize i only have one. Sorta went off track there. Anyway any suggestions?
Horrible sinking feeling.
Perhaps we can call it Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? It sounds horrible. What a lot you have had to endure, and have endured.
When people close to us die, or other bad things happen, we don't always feel the way we think we are supposed to. From movies we get the idea of the "appropriate" reaction, but in real-life it's not like that. It's normal to feel numb, and it's normal to feel that it didn't really happen. All sorts of feelings are normal, so don't blame yourself for not feeling the "right" feelings.