SEMI-RAPE SITUATION >> girlfriend

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In reply to: Dont swear at me, you tard. i can swear at u or who ever i want to.. u tard. u called me selfish and u have no idia about rape... and girls aren't the only ones that get raped. video message are not that easy...and are just as scary and stressfull. u live in a sponge bob bubble... i'm all for people telling they were rapped. but i'm scared for them when protection fails them after they have told... rapes will never end peopel are to mean. it's just not right to be called selfish. encourage then YES.. call them selfish NO.. there scared out of there freking minds.. a fear that never ends and u will never understand. so really this post is a waste of time!wutever..nevermind.. i'm just a selfish tard.now i'm done with this!

If you got raped and you havnt done anything to try and have your attacker locked up, then yes your selfish. How can you live with it? This very second he could be raping someone else, because you didnt go to the police. Someones brother or boyfriend or father or mate could this second be being raped. WHAT ABOUT HIM? Doesnt he matter? Doesnt it tear you up that someone else is suffering because of you? It would me, I wouldnt be able to bare it, it would kill me. Go do something about it! Save the next kid from suffering the same fate.Yeah I havnt been raped so my opinion means obviously means shit. Well I care about those around me and I dont wnat them getting raped. And if I ever get raped, then I will be placing a degree of blame on any previous victims who didnt go to the police.

In reply to: Look, you don't know his situation, so I suggest you shut up before you get in too deep. My opinions are as valid as anyone elses, even if people dont like them.In reply to: Calling them selfish because they choose not to go forward is insensitive and a simple-minded view. I dont have to change my opinions for someone else's benefit. In reply to: You can't blame them for not reporting the crime. Yes I can, for already stated reasons.

Actualy plenty of people have been simply saying I'm wrong. What aboout MY perspective? If you read all my posts you'd know that I have looked at things from their perspective and I havee agreed on certain points.

ur allowed (like every one here) to have ur perspective.
and that's y i have decided not to post the 3 page reply i just typed out.. it really doesn't matter. and i would rather keep my life out of it.
i wish i hadn't said anythign at all really.

I can't believe what I have just read here that there are people who actually think a rape victim is selfish for not reporting it. Those people have obviously never been through any remotely traumatic event in their lives or they would never make such a ridiculous and crass statement.I was abused for 5 years as a child. I'm nearly 35 and I have still never reported or confronted my abusers.That does not make me a selfish or bad person - it makes me a person who is too fucking terrified to even think about it yet.I can imagine going through any unwanted sexual attack brings out similar feelings of self-blame and "what if.." and "why didnt i.."Sometimes blocking things out is the only way to carry on a "normal" existance because you know if you try and deal with it you will crumble.Just be there for your partner - dont question her dont try and force her to deal with it. She will talk to you when she is good and ready.If you demand action and demand of her to talk about it all, you are driving a wedge into your relationship. Let her deal with it in her own time and space. Respect that she is unable to talk about it or act on it for whatever reason - it doesn't have to make sense to you.... because it makes sense to her.I hope you can both deal with this in your own ways and make a life together x

well, everyone thanks so far.
but most of you are carrying on different points than my actual main point of posting this thread. whether or not you may think she is selfish (which seems to be a huge topic) - The reason for posting is to give ways of how I can help her or anything.

But, I found some new news out rather.
Remember - the main topic so far is still really helpful to be talking about because no doubt she feels this uncomfortable feeling time to time.
See when I first came to post in the thread, it was because of this sexual pause we are on right? Sex isnt the most important thing in my relationship by far, I love the girl with my whole heart. I figured out last night, that recently it hasnt been the rape situation that holds her back. Its because for the past two months, whenever we did something along sexual lines, she said it felt wierd/awkward. Like I am just a friend, and somehow it just feels wierd. First I took it the wrong way, thinking she thought of me 'just as her friend' in our relationship (i hate that bullhonkey) - but she said that part isnt true. I know she loves me, its a gimme.

Is this stuff normal in a long relationship? Ways of getting over that factor?

& STILL keep on talking about rape sitautions. I would like to still understand.
Thanks for all posting, this is the best response i have gotten out of one of my threads yet :smile:

Sometimes the dynamics of a relationship change after a year or sometimes longer. It depends. Her thinking of you as a friend is kind of odd. I just wonder if the butterflys and such have basically worn off. Some people start to question whether it is love or not when they wear off.

Again I will say, a rape victim goes through a gammit of emotions that they don't always understand either. This might still be a side effect of it.

Ok, I don't really know what to do about the rape issue, but I do have a thought on the uncomfortable feelings. Mind you, I don't know either of your ages or living statuses, so this idea is somewhat situational.If you can sleep overnight with her, preferably in her bed, make an agreement to sleep naked with each other for a while, no sexual actions, just sleeping. In theory, this will accomplish 2 things. First, even though I'm sure she mentally trusts you, her subconsious could well be afraid of what you COULD do, not what you will. Sleeping with her non-sexually should build that subconscious trust that, while you could take advantage of her, you didn't, and therefore never will.Secondly, the idea of an agreement gives her some control and power over things. When she feels like breaking the agreement, she will. I have a few other ideas along the lines of sex and what you can try. PM me if you want a few of my other theories.

From your post, it appears that the guy concerned & probably his whereabouts/ place of work is known to your gf. This kind of heinous activity injures the soul & the self respect of the victim.In such a situation ONLY the husband/BF can console & do counselling with her. It will also help the victim to think positively & feel secure.The guy, who has carried out this misdeed definitely needs to be punished,i] for his misdeed &ii] to lift the self image & gain self respect for your gf.It is suggested that with the help of social organisations, human rights organisation & maybe the media this guy should be arrested & put behind the bars.This will also be in the interest of the society at large.