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> I'm almost afraid to say this because I don't want him to go but I'm thinking I'll be almost relieved when it's finallly over and he's gone. So he won't be in anymore pain.
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There's nothing wrong with thinking that, cenfath. It's the way we all feel when it gets to this point. In fact, it becomes selfish to wish him to stay when it is only pain for him.
This is the way that most people die now - a slow death. My father-in-law took years, during which moving, and later breathing, became difficult and painful for him. God does not want people to suffer or to die, but in our fallen world it is so.
My mother-in-law died this year. She had been suffering progressive dementia as well as getting increasingly frail. In the end she stopped eating, we think deliberately. We decided not to force-feed her.
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Depressed
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yeah,i dont beleive in god for that reason.just btw.my friends father died today in the hospital,so,i'll be at the funeral tomorrow.i told my mom i'm so sad he sufferd,and it proves there is no god,or no god worthy of praise.my mom said that according to his wife and children since he became sick a year ago he changed completely in everyway,he told them all he loved them everyday and he was such a beautiful person for that period.i dont dont know if that justifies suffering or anything,but maybe things do happen for a reason.you just keep doing what you have to do,i'm really impressed with your dedication and the responsibility you've picked up.i get annoyed everyday when i have to put on the old mans hearing aid that lives here. i shouldnt shirk it anymore but go and do it graciously,cause thats what life is about helping and being helped.sing for him man!thats admirable.i just came off anti-depressants.if you feel you need them take them,no big deal.it's not permenant.it can help you through this period.on the other hand if you feel you can manage then just look after yourself properly,make sure you're eating right,being physically active,and doing things to cheer yourself up,and keep your spirits up.be cool.
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We went out to eat with my neighbors this evening. Before everyone says that's good...we got a phone call from my aunt telling us to come quick. They said his breathing was different now and his temperature spiked again. When we got there it seemed like Shane Stokes which alternating betwen not breathing at all and gasping for breath very rapidly. When the hospice nurse finally came she said he had the 'death rattle'. My grandmother asked me to come sing for him. He can't see me. But the said he can hear me and that hearing is the last of the senses to go usually. I'm so scared.My mom and my aunt were saying that even though he can't see he had his arms reached out to someone earlier today and he was yelling, "momma! Momma!"I can't say there isn't a God but I'm just wondering if my faith in Him will ever bounce back. I wonder if I'm really going to be okay. I don't cry in front of people. I cry behind closed doors so no one knows how much this is really tearing me up. I mean I can remember playing with Mr. Potato Head when I was about 4 or 5 years old and thinking I didn't like the plastic potato and the parts looked better on me and my grandparents (i have them on a disk if anyone would like to see them....they're cute.... ). I used to crawl up in his lap and fall asleep. I used to sit and listen, enchanted by the stories about when he was a kid. When he bought his telescope I used to sit outside with him for hourse and just look at the stars. And now....now I won't get to do that with him anymore. And the worst part is all of it, fall asleep, mr. potato head...it all feels like it just happened a few days ago even though I know it didn't. I can remember it so vividly and I'm scared I'm going to lose the memories. The way he smelled and how particular he was about his hair. Mom gave him a haircut yesterday and I said, "grandpa, mom's trying to give you a mohawk." And I know he heard me because his eyes got real big like, "excuse me? She's what?" I just want him to look like what I remember him as. I love my grandpa. If he had known what was going to happen he would've wanted someone to shoot him. He can't control anything anymore. His arms, legs, his bowel movements....nothing. And if there is a God (and I'm pretty sure there is one) he's gonna get one hell of an ass chewing when I'm done grieving. And it's sad when he looks at my grandmother and says, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It wasn't supposed to be like this." For the longest time my mom and her sisters had been preparing for my grandma to go first because she's had some pretty bad health problems. My dad had been talking about building a ramp for my grandma to get to the house wth using the steps up to the porch. Who'd have ever though we'd have needed it for my grandpa?I've even reverted back to when I was still just a baby. I curl up in my grandpa's old recliner and just sleep when i'm over there. I don't know anymore.....
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He seems like a lovely Grandpa.
God doesn't like it any more than you do.
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He died this morning. Around 4 a.m. is what my aunt Kim said. My mom and my aunt Christy stayed with them last night. I don't know how it happened. I don't know who found him or checked on him and realized he was gone. I just know I was over at their house and it was wierd. I kept looking around as though I were going to see him come out of the bathroom and through the hallway to meet us all in the back part of the house but he never did. I'm not sure I can handle this.
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I'm so so sorry babe, but at least now you know that he is at peace.
Things will be hard for a while, but I know you can pull through this.
Paul
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so sorry cenfaith,but as diver said,he isn't suffring anymore,and one day we will all join him wherever you go after here.life is strange.we all come,we all go.i know you miss him,but the memories are sacred,and he will always be your granpa,and you his grandaughter.
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I'm so sorry, cenfath.
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Im so sorry cenfath. You and your family are in my thoughts.(((HUGS)))
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Thank you all for everything. I'm saving my "break down" for after the funeral. I think I need to be strong for my family right now and just be there for everyone. So I'm going to try and be the wall. My Nana gave me the earrings he bought her (the first jewelry he bought her is what she said), one of his belts that has his name in it and I also have a lock of his hair which the last two are going into a shadow box so I can hang them up. People at work have been really great. My mom's work has been excellent...they all came over to my nana's house today and brought everyone food and stuff. They're just awesome. I'm writing something for the funeral and I'll post it here later along with the songs I'l be singing. I'll welcome any thought and/or opinions.