Worried and dont know what to do. help needed

grvtykllr

My attitude and ideals all changed AFTER I had my own kids.Im alot less forgiving of fuck up sthen I planned on being when I was a kid, all that shit I said Id do as a parent ? fucking gone right out the window after I had kids.Its not a matter of being a dick, its a matter of loving the kids and wanting whats best for them and keeping them safe. I suffered alot for my mistakes of youth, should I let my children now repeat those mistakes and suffer as well?If I did that then Im not doing my job as a parent. my job is to grow them into responsible, respectable contributing adults and hopefully to get them to that stage in better shape then i was upon reaching it. after that my concern is that they do better in life then I did. I dont do the things i do to my kids and make the rules just because Im bored or ffeel like I should be able to control evry aspect of thier life, I do it to set boundrys and try to guide them. the mroe responsability they take and the better they handle it, the more freedom they are given, they fuck up and I start taking freedom away.one is going to be 16 in september and the other turned 13 recently, they will never be too big or too old for dad to kick thier ass when they need it.

Ineligible

I agree with mazkat on this one. Monitoring my children's conversations is something I will not do. It would stick in my throat. Children are people, not possessions, not some sort of slave belonging to their parents merely because they are economically dependent on them.Hey damien, you'll find that a "zero-tolerance" policy on the things you mention as intolerable will make your home a war zone. Some tolerance of lying and answering back is absolutely essential if your children are to grow up as independent people, which is what you want, surely?

AIRBORNE101

IAM A 15 YEAR OLF BOY! All that stuff is normal, i think 99% of all 15-18 year olds look at porn. I tr not to but i just get so horny i cant think stright some time. But for the cheat thing i thought is was funny. I did stuff like that ALL THE TIME to see how far i can push some one or something along them lines then i would post it on a forum such as this.You have nothing to worry about.

damien

I don't totally disagree with you. I was not saying at all that parents should monitor everything their kids say or do. You're right. A big part of growing up is pushing bounderies, establishing independence and identity, and even being a prick from time to time. And I agree that most parents would be better off by choosing their battles wisely.My point was that, if a parent has a suspicion, it is their right as parents to "snoop". Particularly if the motivation is to know if their kid is up to something that needs to be adressed or to protect their kids. I don't believe that the snooping every day for the purpose of snooping, as described by an earlier poster, is alright. That's dysfunctional. My bottom line point was that the parent's obligation to parent trumps the kid's desire for privacy.

Ineligible

I'm sure I would do some investigation if I believed one of my daughters was in serious danger, so we probably agree in principle, though we may differ in how serious the situation would have to appear before we felt it was justified.

damien

I think you're right.Plus fact that I have never had children so I can only speak from principle and what I've seen and other families, not from my own experience like you and others are. I still have that to look forward to.

Ninjasword71

Yes porn is normal for a 15 year old and diaries are personal, but if your son has a computer (must be windows98 or he must give you the password if XP unless he doesn't have one.) I would only hope that he is either monitoring perverted men for legal use or just playing around. At least by posing as a giirl, he probably has no intetion of meeting them. I have a 14 year old daughter who has had her privacy on the computer stripped. I found out that she was talking to older guys on MSN. We had to put a stop to it and report him after I went under her chat and talked to him. She was 13 at the time talking to a 27 year old. He expressed that he hanted sex with my daughter after I told him that "I" was 13 years old. I had to put a stop to this A.S.A.P. Monitor the computer and ignore the porn even if it turns to bizzar. Just protect him from potential perverts. Phone the police if you have to. As an adult, my duty is to protect my family the best I can from pervs.

llama salad

Thanks for the feedback guys. I do see how someone would feel as though their privacy would be violated if their computer was examined. But being his mother I would much rather have my son's privacy invaded by me, than by stalkers on the internet or worse. But a lot of people seem to want to bash me on this... As i said, its not like I read his personal conversations with his friends, his friends all seem like good people and I am not too concerned with that. It would be nice to remain blind to all the stuff that goes on in your childs life, it is a lot less to worry about; but you can't if you want to keep them safe and help them be a productive member of society. His father and I have had a talk with him about everything. Everything has been settled. He was certainly upset, but he also understands what the concern was for. I let his father deal with the porn. From what my son tells me, your assumptions were correct. He tells me he was doing it for fun, for a laugh for he and his friends. After hearing it from him, I have to admit, some were quite funny if you look at them with a twisted humor. Anyway like i said, everything is sorted out, and thanks