What makes a man a man?

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Okay I am realizing that not everyone on these boards is on the best of terms with me. And you absolutely despise me or I am childish or something of that sort, and I sorry for that. I also know that apologies are nothing without action. And my action will come if you guys and gals can help me.I am having some serious issues with being me...The real me. I may act like a total hardass or some variation. I am not I am really just an emotional and soft guy. I mean I have been in fights, I have been injured, and I do not mind pain. But I am by no means an outright fighter. What I am having problems with is letting that soft side of me show more often. I mean I love my metal music, but I also really really enjoy slow love songs or shit like that. I am just not sure how to bring that part of me out. I get embarassed and hide it. Especially the music, for some reason I feel like less of a man or weak when I do play that music and I am afraid of letting people see that.I hope you all can help me on this, and we can put our differences aside and your views on me. I ask that you help me become me and what I have been or what you see will not be. I am not an ass or childish, I am just in need of some guidance, and I ask that you please help me on this. I have overcome me coming to terms with what I do wrong but now I am ready to get to past it all.

Brother Walken...
There are indeed have been times when I've wanted to reach out and smack you, and I felt like yesterday you were way out of line. But guess what? I think folks can say the same about most of us here. And bottom line, I like you. Don't sweat it. We are all just trying to work it out. None of us have our crap together. It's a journey...and the roadside inn is way less interesting than the path that leads to it. There have been folks here who want to put forth the image that they are 100% together. YOu and I both know that's crap. The good thing about you is that you follow your silliness up with a recognition of your silliness.
That sensitive side...I think we've seen it here.
What makes a man? One of my favorite writers, Donal Miller, said that the one thing a male must have to be a man is
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a penis. Yep that's it. That's what a man is. A person with a penis. What does it mean to be a mature man? We could write on that til the cows come home. But I can tell you that a substantial part of it is learning to orchestrate the important wild part of you and the important sensitive side of you. Be able to navigate them and learn how to control both and when to show either and that kid of stuff. It ain't always easy, is it? But like I said, it's a journey.
One thing I would suggest is to find at least one mentor. An older guy who you respect who you believe has wisdom and experience who you can spend time with and learn from. That would be a blessing to both of you.

In reply to: One thing I would suggest is to find at least one mentor. An older guy who you respect who you believe has wisdom and experience who you can spend time with and learn from. That would be a blessing to both of you. If I really think back through it all I have had one mentor I adored and made me suceed. I never really had one until I got into highschool. I joined the football team and my sophomore, my head coach, Coach Velschow, he saw some talent and a good guy in me. I became best friends with him. He helped me become more confident and begin to grow as a person (as I type this tears are coming up....). He was the reason I tried so hard. He was like the father that I never had. Well now that I think about it... I looked at all my coaches as fathers. It explains why I got along with them so well. They were my fathers through out high school.Coach Monalusky, Coach Moss, Coach Velschow, Coach damnit forgot his name....They were the big supporters in my life....Then there was Mr. Tsui, and 2 other coaches...and a few other teachers.They kept me on track, helped me with school issues, talked to me about everything. We discussed colleges as well. I miss them with every ounce my heart....I have not really had much support from family other than financial...Damn Damien....I think I need a few moments...

LOOK! IT'S JON'S SENSITIVE SIDE!!!Take all the time you need Buddy.

yeah it is just a soft subject for me. I have never had anything like that before...I did bad before in school previous to that, but when I had that support my grades were much better. I just do not know what to do...I have no one I know as a mentor. If anything people are coming to me as a mentor because of who I am...I dunno damien I am like this right now, but I am not like this when I am with people...I have not been able to do that. I do not want to have anyone think I am weak...I dunno...Right now I am just missing highschool...That was when I was happiest....Had lots of good friends, had great mentors, had the respect of the whole school (everyone knew me), I was nice to everyone, I could talk to anyone I wanted without being looked at funny, and I had a really really good friend, Amanda....She taught me so much about socializing and everything. I am just having a hard time coping, that is all gone...I no longer have the strong support I once had. I mean right now my music teacher is being supportive and he is very helpful and so is my business teacher. I just do not know what to do....In essence I am lost. My vission is fogged, and I need some guidance to make sure that I am making the right decisions...I mean you do not send someone into the forest, who knows nothing about survival, and expect him live....I feel that I was just left to hang out and dry...A2A, and some friends outside of A2A, have been my guidance...now this next line is not meant to cause an argument...I feel that when I do come for guidance, and I admit, it is often and it is sometimes a broken record. I mean I post when I need help, and I feel that I have been let down some...I thank you for all your help damien....I am just not sure what I should do...I know that getting back to Purdue is the first big thing, but honestly...I have to get 100% in everyone of my assignments and exams remaining...or I barely make C's in a few of my classes...It is like I get the help I need to late...

When are you going back to Purdue?

Whenever I finish my jeep.

So that will be when I can teach Drew, if she follows through, how to help me do some wrenching...

What makes a man??? Lotsa things. Can't tell ya many of em cept this key one.DON'T HIT WOMEN.Least ones that aren't jumpin your ass in packs of 2 or more for your wallet.

well, i donno bout any1 else. but i like u ive got afue of the same issues. i pretend 2 b abit tougher than i am beacuse this is what my friends expect. im their support system, if it looks like im crumbleing, theyed freak. so sumtimes its easyer 2 put on a show.( and as a result most of my mates have NO CLUE who the real me is)tho, ive reasently learned, the only way 2 b truely happy, its be totally and honestly yourself as much as u can. just no that ur prone 2 playing the tough guy, b awear of it so u can catch urself doing it and stop urself, think about how u REALLY feel, and act on that instead.alota guys have probablems showing a softer side cuz they r conditioned 2 see this as being weak. its nothing 2 b embaressed about really. b honest with urself and ull find ppl will b attracted to that.if u wanna listen 2 love songs, do it! if ur mates look at u funny, stuff them. do what u wanna do. the real you is beautiful, dont try and hide it with a shiny and fake facade

In reply to: well, i donno bout any1 else. but i like u Thanks....I have tried to become that, I also told a lot of people to f'off b/c it was stressing me to the bone...

I am working on it...

I also told a lot of people to f'offi tell ppl 2 fuck off all the time....tho they tend not 2 listen 2 me...i cant stay angry for more than 5seconds, litterally, i just cant hold a grudge or anything. its really anoying

I'll find a reason for you to hold a grude against me so that you can practise

haha, thats a nice thought.lol, but ive tryed really hard 2 hold grudges and b pissed off at ppl...it take 2 much energy and i just cant do it! i forget im trying 2 b mad at them.lol

I'm sure thats a good thing. Feeling ugly emotions all the time will give you an ugly persona. If you can learn to express anger and dislike without genuinely feeling it however, you can have the best of both worlds

i just cant do it. i can b anoyed and i can dislike stuff, but i cant do anger or hate or jealous or anything like that.most other emtions i can do quiter well tho...exept when im haveing a very "emotionally dead"day..or afue days. that sucks. like when my uncle died, didnt feel a thing really...and now the guy im sposta b seeing, i just dont feel anything 4 him right now and its kinda confuseing me

all he wants to know: if ya wanna be a mans man, you'll have to be a leader(that is, have opinions without being persuaded by the popular vote), be goal oriented and successful, and have a way with women. all of this comes with much life experience, so dont procrastinate to start from the bottom. go become a man!

you always knew that I liked you. But the age and distance is a pain. lol Tall, dark, and handsome my friend... tall, dark, and handsome.

pfffft. bullshit.
I know a guy who was dirt poor his entire life, grew up and had kids of his own and stayed poor, had one girl his whole life The kids were fnever hungry and always clothed although it wasnt always with the best or the newest and some of the food came from friends and the local gamewarden who took poachers shit and dropped it off to feed the kids, the clothes were mostly made.
he was never sucessful, the kids grew up and are all pretty successful now that they are in thier 50's and 60's. he never had a way with women, Id still never not call him a man. your ideals of what makes a man a man are pure bullshit.

DAMN STRAIGHT!