AHHHHHHHHHH!

---

Ive been with my boyfriend 13months and things are great but my dad....oh my dad! For you's that dont know my dad is totally against the idea of me having a boyfriend, totally flipped out when he was told sayin i need to do my universtiy work and ill probably end up pregnant, etc, etc. Anyways.....we're still only seeing each other when we can but it just isnt enough. I mean yea we'll see each other at work and stuff but outside of work we'll see each other once a week, two if we're lucky and thats because ive had to lie to my dad (i know its wrong but its necessary). I feel terrible when he my boyfriend asks me round and i have to cancel on him because i dont want to lie or i cnt pluck up the courage to tell my dad where im really going (oh and im 20 by the way). Its really getting me dwn to the extent im crying myself sleep, dreaming that my boyfriend is going to cheat on me(which he wouldnt but wouldnt blame him if he did) and all sorts. We even had a big arguement the other day about it and didnt really speak for 2days!I just dont know what to do anymore. Im stuck between a rock and hard place and theres no light at the end of the tunnel!Anyone have any advice it would be much appreciated! (sorry for going on and on)

I've gone on and on a lot longer than that luv so dont worry. At twenty it's really time your Dad started to treat you as the young woman that you are. Have you ever discussed his irrational attitude with him, maybe on a calm day?

Ive tried that and theres no point he doesnt listen to word ive got to say in the end i had to just let him talk because i got fed up with him just talking over me. I really dont know whether im in the wrong here anymore. At first i thought im right im 20 (19 at the time) and hes bein unreasonable but now im starting to wonder

Oh, sweet Lord. Sorry, girl, but you're going to have to remind your dad that you've grown up and you remember all the things he taught you about being a person--now it's time he let you go out and prove you can do it. Just remember, no one is perfect, we all make mistakes and often fall flat on our faces. I'd be willing to bet that more than anything, he just doesn't want you to get hurt...but you know what? You will. I'm sorry to say it, but everyone does at some point or another. He's going to have to realize he's got a grown woman on his hands and will have to let you go at some point...and the sooner the better. You're alive....time to have yourself a life.Best of luck! Let us know how you're doing.

They are right, he is going to have to start exepting that you have grown up. He doesn't like that you're dating? Tough luck, you don't need his permision. Go ahead, if you feel bad about lying to him, DON'T. You have nothing to worry about, what's he going to ground you? I don't think so, you aren't a litle girl anymore, he better start exepting it.

They are right, he is going to have to start exepting that you have grown up. He doesn't like that you're dating? Tough luck, you don't need his permision. Go ahead, if you feel bad about lying to him, DON'T. You have nothing to worry about, what's he going to ground you? I don't think so, you aren't a litle girl anymore, he better start exepting it.

With a father like that the only solution in the end will probably be to move out, but that may have to wait until you have an income.

Maybe it is time that i move out. I mean i have some sort of income coming in as i work part time as well. My boyfriends parents have said that i could stay at theres if things got bad at home which i thought was really generous. But if i do move out i wonder if that means i'll fall out with my dad?

I'd be willing to bet there'd be a falling out, but it would probably only be short term, because the thing is, if you do move out, he's going to have to come round to the idea that if he keeps on behaving irrationally he may not necessarily see you at all.Perhaps you ought to go full time at work, or if that is not possible you could always find another job where you can work full time. With a decent income you could live independently both of your father and your boyfriend.I would actually recommend that to be honest Sellie, you are a young woman in the prime of your life and it would be a shame not to have at least a few years of independence behind you before settling down. It wouldnt mean you'd be single, just that you wouldnt be anchored to your boyfriend either. I had a few years of living just with my little boy, and believe me, there is a lot to be said for a life independent of a man. Of course, there is a lot to be said FOR living with a man too, but I think it may be time you experienced the other side of the coin!As Binther said, be sure to let us know how you get on, x.

I'm sorry Sellie, have just read back over your original post and see that I forgot you are at university, so full time work is not an option. Could you supplement your income working from home perhaps? It is a very flexible option, and the only thing I can think of that might be workable in your situation.

Your fucked.Life is a bitch, get a helmet.Look, your an legal adult, and your dad has to sooner or later realize that your going to be with men and have your own life, I think its harder to do with a daughter thena son.Whos paying for your schooling? Piss him off he may just cut thsoe purse strings.Yes you should be able to do what ya like as far as that goes, but your not paying your own way, and part time work doesnt pay for school and cost of living.Keep being aliar and sooner or later he wil find out, everyone that is lied to always finds out at some point in time, and that means the trust is gone, trust is a real mother fucker to rebuild.Parents want what is best for thier children, they want them to do better then they did for themselves, thats how you know you were a sucess as a parent, when your children have a better, easier life then you do. He is trying to help that and do what he can to make sure the dream becomes a reality. You are simply fucked, your going to have to have a sit down with daddy, talk shit out and come to some sort of understanding. Its either that or lie to him, and wait itll he finds out, nothign is worse then knowing your child lies to you and losing that trust. Or dump the BF, or move out. Moving out isnt so bad, parents expect children to do it at some time, what matters is the circumstances you move out under.Moving out tobe witha boy, that shit doesnt sit too well with parents. now its a fight to try and regain control, cut off funding for the uni, any other bullshit he wants to pull to try and make you "come to your senses".Its a ll a gigantic fucking mess no matter what you do.Keep in mind he wants whats best for you, with that in mind have a nice long sit down, try to understand his point of view and try to get him to understand yours. see what compromise can be reachedf, as uncomfortable as that is for the father, Im betting its just as shitty for you, its also the onoly way to keep things right, but only if both of you have an open mind when you do it.

Most of my time is taken up by university so i could only manage one job. Arghhh i dont know what to do im so confused. i love my boyfriend so much but you only get one dad :confused:
Anyways thanks for all your advice guys its really appreciated kinda makes me realise that my dad is being unrealistic.

"..kinda makes me realise that my dad is being unrealistic"

He is, he really is! pm me if things get tough girl!

I have a very over protective father as well, so I can relate. My father has disapproved of everyone of my boyfriends. To be honest it wouldn't matter who you brought home noone will ever be good enough for you, in your father's eyes. Yes he wants whats best for you, but you are the only one that can decied what that is. You should always be respectful, however your personal life is none of your father's buisness. I don't care if he does pay for your schooling, that has nothing to do with your private life. I know its hard but you have to learn to keep things seperate and not by lying. If your father doesn't approve of your relationship, don't talk to him about it. The most important thing for you to remember is that your father LOVES you and always will no matter how much your decisions disappoint him.

thanks foreverjaded that advice really helps especially coming from someone that kind of knows what im going through. I know lying is wrong and i shouldnt but that seems to be the only way to keep the peace in the house. When my aunt tried to reason with him he werent happy saying if i was old enough to have a boyfriend i was old enough to move out and live on my own. I mean he went ballistic when i was 17 and had a boyfriend which i can understand now but im 21 in like 5months i think its time for him to let me live my life, its just telling him that. Sorry for going on....x

Woah! They are all right, your dad's attitude is going to just push you further away because you are an adult now. Now if I was your bf and with your approval I would approach your father. Your dad sounds like the alpha male/over protective type and your bf showing the courage to confront/introduce himself may just throw a curve ball at the old man. It will also show what kind of bf you have and there is a good chance earn some respect from the pops. Your bf might feel afraid of approaching your father, just remind him that your dad puts his pants on one leg at a time like the rest of us.