Fiance wants vasectomy

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ok so my fiance doesnt want kids and is getting a vasectomy next year...but i want kids REEALLLLLY bad ive told him i want them but he says he should be enough and that i shouldnt need/want kids....what do i do? should i just poke holes in the condom and try to get pregnant before he gets a vasectomy? HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!

It is very wrong to give someone a child to look after by tricking them. How would you feel if that were done to you?I think you should very seriously reconsider your marriage to this person, if you and he differ on such a major issue.

he told me he doesnt want a baby but if i got pregnant by accident he would be happy and do anything and everything he can to take care of all of us...a few months ago he wanted kids i asked him why he changed his mind he said no reason..what should i do?

were not planning on getting married for 2 or 3 years....if i got pregnant on purpose and he didnt know then i told him later on i planned it he wouldnt be mad...his mom did that with him and his sister...should i go ahead and do it?

No! I would never have children with someone I couldn't trust, and you are not worthy of trust if you go through with something like that. You will have a damaged relationship, and ultimately the child(ren) will suffer.

Stop being so self-centered. Either come to terms with the guy, or leave him and find someone who wants to have kids. Wanting to or not wanting to have kids is a very big deal in a relationship.

I totally agree with Steve and Helms. Children completely change your life. They cost a lot of money, especially in lost wages, but, much more than that, they tie you down for at least twenty years. They take a lot of your time and a lot of your energy; for a long time you can't even go out together without organising a babysitter; you can't go off on a holiday together except during school holidays when everything is scarce and expensive, and even then you have to take them along. Having children or not is not a small decision.If my other half got pregnant by accident and then later told me it was planned, I would be both furious and devastated. I would consider it a gross betrayal of trust.

In reply to:If my other half got pregnant by accident and then later told me it was planned, I would be both furious and devastated. I would consider it a gross betrayal of trust. Very well put.

And important thing to consider when you diside to marry someone is if you have the same values and desires/ plans etc.
If one of you wants kids and the other dosn't, It's not going to work, no matter who much you want it to.
I think you need to ask him why he suddenly dosn't want children and make him give you an answer because there must be a reason for it.
Don't betray someones trust like that, it's so wrong.

I'm going along with the majority here in saying a) reevaluate th erelationship since there seems to be a major area of disagreement.b) do not, under any circumstances, do anythign to have a bay unless he is fully aware and agrees with what you are doing.c) Remember, in many cases a vasectomy is reversable so if you do decide he is your mr right and marry him despite this disagreement on children, it isn't the end of it. Should he change his mind later on he can have it undone.c) Though, as insurance on the vasectomy reversal not being successful, check into a sperm bank and have him store up semen for the future.Just some thoughts to contemplate.

It kinda reminds me of the Roe v. Wade for Men case.Let him what he wants, it is his body, no? Don't poke holes in condoms...That's just.... weird.

Why dont you compromise by asking him will he hold off on the vasectomy if you go on contraception so you can give yourselves some time to talk about this? During that time you could impress upon him how important a family is too you, and if he still dosent come around to your way of thinking then maybe it would be best to leave him so you can be free to find a man who would happily be the father of your kids. I dont think a man who was tricked into fatherhood would be likely to make much of a job of it to be honest, carrying as he would all the baggage of resentment, regardless how he came to love the child.

I don't think adding my agreement to everyone else's concerning the "tricking" is really necessary, so I'll just imply it with this sentence.I think the first thing I like to know about your situation which--as far as I can tell hasn't been asked--is how old are each of you? I know when I was 18 I was completely against fatherhood, but as I got a bit older I started thinking about it and decided that, if the circumstances were right, I'd not only consider it, but welcome it. Peoples' opinions tend to change as the years go by.My next question is this: what are your respective financial situations? Are you both in college? Or "University" as it's called in other locales?What kind of families do each of you come from? Large? Only child?All of these things (and more) can influence a person's desire to have children....it's not as simple as "should we use a condom or not?"

im 19 and hes 22 hes working but im not at the moment im thinking about college...and im from a big family hes from a small one

22 is far too young to have a vescectomy, and over here, they would be VERY loath to do it on someone his age, my manthing was 28 when he had his, and it took a long time, and a lot of convincing too, plus we have 3 kids, 1 of them is his biological son........you know tricking him into having a child would be bad, and if he doesn't want kids that much whose to say he would stick around if you got pregnant!You do however have to re-evaluate your relationship, having children for me has always been the most important thing in my life, i couldn't be with anyone who didn't want kids...........how long have you two been together BTW?

Trying to get pregnant by deception (poking a hole in a condom, etc) is definitely a bad idea. I have to agree with Helms. You two should put the engagement on hold until you sort this out. It's too big a deal to just say "it'll work out". It might not.It's very unusual for a 22yo to get a vasectomy. I'd have to wonder why...