um ok...i know im probably worrying about nothing but i would really like input from some more experienced people on this. ok, my boyfrind and i have been together for over a year now, he is my first boyfriend and i love him with all of my heart. i dont know what it is but we seem to be butting heads lately. just about small things, but when we first started dateing we rarely to never got into disagreements....or at least didnt say nething about it to eachother if we were upset. im glad that we are both comfortable enough with eachother to say when we are upset. we really respect eachother, so we never like scream at eachother or nething. but whenever we get frusterated with eachother i find myself ringing my hands because im terrified that eventually that something will happen so that we break up. i quess my question is for those of you with more experionce with relationships....is it normal even in happy relationships to get frusterated with oneanother....and i appologise if this is an adolesent dumb question
It's not a dumb question at all. The way fairy stories and Hollywood movies make it sound, if two people are meant for each other they are always happy with each other.
The reality is that any two people are always going to irritate each other sometimes - in fact, quite often. The first flush of love can blind you to your partner's faults, but that always wears off. To keep a long-term relationship going, you must have occasional disagreements and small fights, not pretending you always agree, because otherwise that means at least one of you is being a doormat. The important thing to bear in mind is that these disagreements don't mean the relationship is rocky: they happen, they must happen, even in the happiest relationships.
Its not a dumb question at all. Every relationship has arguements and such. Its normal and keeps the relationship interesting IMO. My boyfriend hates me saying this but its true, "You can't be happy all the time." No matter how much you love the person you're with or how happy you are with each other, there's always going to be obstacles, frustrations, and arguements. Its definately good that you guys don't yell at each other. You can get things across so much easier by just calming talking. You shouldn't go through a relationship constantly worrying that it may end if you express your feelings. People get upset, and couples have to figure out the best way to calm down and share their side without causing more chaos. If you really love the person you're with, you should be willing to do your part in keeping things honest and open. Don't keep things from him, let him know why you're upset at the time. It just takes time to figure out how your partner repsonds to things. That way you know how to communicate better and without causing more frustrations or arguements while still being honest and straight-forward.
I hope that helped... even just a little.
"Happily taken and protected by the man I love and who I know loves me." <3</b></font color>
thank you both so much. ur insite has really helped alot. you see... he is my first boyfriend, so i dont have any reference points on the matter. others had asked me out before him but i didnt want to date someone just for the sake of dateing them....or jut cuz i "kinda" liked them....so i said no. my boyfriend now had been one of my best friends for the better part of 2years before we even started dateing...so his friendship as well as our romantic relationship is very important to me...it is very nice to have reasurance that this is normal.....cuz i think ur right...they way "perfect" relationships on tv are portraed are "perfect" 24/7...it leaves a fauls impretion of how thigs should be :P </font color>
To be honest Curious, if you said you two never argued or disagreed, I would think you were either a liar or in for a big bloody fall when the relationship eventually arrived in the land of the living.
It's not about wheather or not you argue, it's about how you handle it when you inevitably do. If you both keep the screetching out of the equation and continue to have respect for eachother things should work out fine. I argue with my bloke too sometimes, and to be honest we have not yet found a way to do this without upsetting eachother beyond the bounds of what is necessary, but when the row is over and we're back to normal we play this little game which I think might be beneficial to you:
We cuddle up in bed at night and make two statements to eachother, the only stipulatoin is that one must begin with; "I really like the way.." or "I really like it when.." and the other with the alternate; "I really dont like the way.." or "I really dont like it when.."
I have found some surprising things about the way he thinks and the things he appreciates and dosent appreciate in our relationship through playing that little game that honestly wouldnt have occured to me otherwise.
Maybe you'd like to give that a go? What comes back at you might surprise you too.
i never said that we never argue.....and i didnt mean to insinuate that everything was all daisys and gumdrops and skipping threw fields when we first were dateing....but i think that alot of people at least will agree with me that the first few months of a relationship are kinda blinded by the begining of the romance....so you generally dont see all of your partners faults that you will notice later....i was simply asking if this was all normal even in a happy relationship where you and your partner love eachother...to argue from time to time....and also....when we argue, we do get upset, and sad and pissed sometime....i was just saying we find no use in yelling at one another....neither party gets heard that way =) </font color> </font color> </font color> </font color>
I think you've misunderstood me, so I may not have made myself clear enough. I know you didnt say you never argued! What I'm saying is it's perfectly normal to disagree and even to argue your different views quite forcefully, and that can feel different and strange when it begins to happen because yes, in the first flush of love your new partner could tell you the sky was green and the grass was blue and you'd be sometimes so in love you'd be inclined to agree with them!
The transition into a more grounded reality-based stage of the relationship can feel unsettling, simply because you're entering a new phase, but it's not a case that 'the love is going', it's a case that 'the love is changing' and there's nothing wrong with that. Love matures, just like everything else.
I think we're all somewhat resistant to change though, especially when it's something we cherish highly that is doing the changing. I suppose the thing is to view it as it is, just a natural progression, and I think there's positives to be found in it too, because the fact that you're still together long enough to make it to this period of change says a lot about your feelings for eachother.
I hope I didnt give you the wrong impression with my last post; if I worded it a bit arseways, apologies for that.
thank you very much for your insite ....it helps alot </font color>