I dunno why... maybe its just psychological... However, I feel as if I'm being eroded as a person.I use to be pretty good at various things....but, now it seems all my thoughts have eroded.. all my intelligence seems to be gone.I can't really remember anything useful I've ever learned. It seems emotionally every day I go threw a loop. I'll be fine.. then I will sink down.. be lifted back up..and sink down again.I can't pay attention to things to save my life.. and I always move slow... people at work get fed up because I move so slow. They remarked on more then one occasion I seem to be old..I don't know what to do anymore.. No matter how refreshed I wake up in the morning (when I do wake up refreshed it an exception) I just tend to progressively become more and more zoned out as time goes on.I feel as if I am really just deterating. I feel bad because I find myself posting here. I don't know why anymore. I feel as if I'm just coming undone.. I mean I prided myself on civics and american history in school.. I knew pretty much all the details to em.. and now I can't remember it..I guess.. I hate to say it also but, for a long time I just wanted to be numb emotionally.. Now.. I dunno what I want anymore.. I feel frustrated.. like something important is gone ... or missing and I don't know what.. I feel rattled for no real reason.
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Mental, physical, emotional degredation.
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It sounds like low-grade depression.
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sounds like my life... depression sux
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like clinical depression? I have always felt like this to some degree.Right now I'm more on the "i'm frustraited" end of it then anything else..I sometimes wish I could keep up with everyone else.. I hate being slower...On the other hand I've been told to my face I was diagnosed "slightly dyslexic" and "slightly slow" however, she was drunk and she is a mother.. so odds are she probably still tried to sugar coat it. Then had the gall to tell me (an expect me to believe) you can grow out of it.I know my fathers side of the family is...pretty screwed up.. I have a cousin who is retarded... and extreme anger issues. My (real) father is a good for nothing alchoholic. he is one of 6 kids 4 of which had some form of genetic disability. He was actually born with organs in the wrong place according to my mother.I've always accepted the fact that I have a somewhat negative outlook on life.. Hell I would even go so far as to say I was depressed in the past because I was never really happy.I can't say I was ever really that great at anything.. but, I at least had things I was good at.. and it feels like they have all eroded. I can't really argue anymore.. I use to love to debate on forums and such.. but, now.. I just catch flaws in logic and such anymore.I really just don't know what to do.. I would love to just find a random person and go to a movie or ice skating. Right now I want to date but, its probably a bad idea.I've felt like everything in life was bland before and ultimately pointless... Now.. I'm degrading.. reverting to something else...
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I doubt that it's you degrading - it's much more likely that your mood is going down. Depression distorts your perception: it makes good things seem small and insignificant and rare, and makes bad things seem to fill the world. It gives you a false view, through gloom-coloured glasses.
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Erm. I think you misread something. My mom isn't an alchoholic. She was just flat out drunk and said I was diagnosed dyslexic and slow.I guess I should probably comment that I don't feel like its nessicerly my father being an alchoholic has any affect on me. (at least not directly) I was trying to make a point however, it was late and I was tired.. so my main points just sorta swayed away. The main point of that was that it wouldn't surprise me if I was infact dyslexic or w/e. or was a candidate for mental illness.I admit your right.. however, If its not one thing in life its another. There is always an excuse to be sad.I just wish it was as easy as saying "ok I'm going to be happy now" I have told myself plenty of times before "ok I will be happy now" however, it usually last a little while.. then dies off. Usually over the long haul.. I end up right back where I started.I should also point out I've felt sad before.. but, never like I was being just falling apart. I mean like I said.. I can't even really argue points anymore.. I mean take abortion.. thats a subject which I have no issues argueing.. but, lately if it comes up.. I just sorta.. ignore the topic.Also.. its not just an "OH MY GOD THIS SUCKS" type issue. I am just sitting back looking at my habits over the last 3 months or so.. and it seems like I can remember less and less of things I'm interested in on so many different topics.I have on so many different occasions just said "HEY SCREW THE MONOTONY I'M GUNNA BE HAPPY" and usually.. it just winds up biting me somehow. It just sorta seems like everytime something is going great.. something happens.. and bam.. back to square one.