It frustrates me and pisses me off

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Obviously that particular combination of genes gave the best result.

You all come from very different circumstances than I. My step-mother and step-sister hated me and I hated them and dad hated the situation praying everyday that he would just die. When I was 19 he did.Why people who can't stand each other stay together is beyond me. If your that unhappy get the fuck out life is to short.

That's a terrible, horrible way to grow up. My parents were both there and are indeed still alive and reasonably happily together, but they only had children because they felt it was expected, and shouldn't have.

Well I lived with mom all but weekends and summer, so it wasn't that bad. I did however hate the summers. I liked my dad and loved him but dreaded going to see him because of them.I got a lot of practice at hate and anger, even when I was very little, which is why I often say that I'm more comfortable with those emotions than with happiness or joy.Why some people have kids is beyond me. I was an accident and accidents happen but damn... I don't know I just think parents have to make a choice when new families come in to play. Choose the new wife or the kid but don't try to force 'em to get along or pretend that we're all one big happy family. Despite what people like to think sometimes we have to choose and sometimes it's a shit choice. Sometimes it's the kid or my life and the things I want out of it. Sometimes we can't have it all. Sometimes we have to leave somebody behind. Sometimes trying your best isn't enough. Sometimes pain is better than suffering.Sometimes I feel like things would have been better in the long run if dad had just gone on with his life, with his new wife and step-daughter and left me out of it. I didn't want to be a part of them or their ways or have anything to do with them. I was from a different culture they didn't understand and thought was a trash culture anyway, besides being weird and introverted, and we completely failed to communicate and quickly stopped trying. Maybe dad could have found happiness if he would have just left me behind, which mom gave him that option, rather than forcing us all into misery for the sake of what the world would think.I hated those people, his new family, and I still do, I guess. I just always wonder if things could have been happier and maybe I wouldn't suffer from depression now if he had just left me....but then I would have missed the good times he and I had together and I loved those times.I don't know it's depressing and I don't like to think about it. A tear at the office... oh well blame it on the shitty ventilation I guess.

Originally Posted By: OldFolks...Sometimes we can't have it all. Sometimes we have to leave somebody behind. Sometimes trying your best isn't enough. Sometimes pain is better than suffering....I didn't want to be a part of them or their ways or have anything to do with them. I was from a different culture they didn't understand and thought was a trash culture anyway, besides being weird and introverted, and we completely failed to communicate and quickly stopped trying. ...but then I would have missed the good times he and I had together and I loved those times.your words are so powerful, scotty. i am speechless to them. i just hope your mom has been/is still there for you and has more than filled the void in your heart. no one ever has it all. you could have had a seemingly "normal" family, but not even begin to love, let alone like, your father and have the few good memories that you still have of him to cherish. consider yourself lucky for those alone.

"I was from a different culture they didn't understand and thought was a trash culture anyway, besides being weird and introverted, and we completely failed to communicate and quickly stopped trying. "Ever see the Green Mile? or read the books?due to that sentence all I can think of is when they are getting ready to execute the first guy, I forget his name and brutus says so paul tell me since hes Cherokee, we are not gonna have a medicine man in here shaking his dick are we?Paul goes on to say something about well brutus, I dont think they shake their dicks, but hes Christian and has elected for a preacher instead.Does it have shit to do with this thread? no not in nearly any way aside form the showing of culture and misunderstood meanings and practices. But it is now stuck in my fucking head!In a shitty mood scotty? then your in the right mood to watch the myst, if you read the novella in skeleton crew, youll love the moive, follows it exactly, all but to the ending, King hinted at the possible ending, but never committed to write it. Frank wrote it and told the studios he wouldnt make it unless he was allowed to keep the ending. I personally liked it, but im a deranged bastard and had already thought if that was me in that situation...

Originally Posted By: Jaseno one ever has it all. you could have had a seemingly "normal" family, but not even begin to love, let alone like, your father and have the few good memories that you still have of him to cherish.I just want to be clear on something here. I don't mean it was, or is, me wanting it all. It was dad. He wanted the normal happy family. He wanted it all when he would have been better off making the decision to either go on with his new life or let his new life go. He spent a lot of time in a pretend situation that made him more miserable than he would have otherwise been, made me miserable, and gave his new wife more reason to be (act) miserable. Dad's failing was in trying to force a situation to work that was a lie. Dad and I were the only two in the whole dynamic that loved each other let alone liked each other.I think, dad valued how he was thought of and the face he presented to the world more than he valued his own happiness. He was a person that seemingly had it all. He was at the top of his profession with national and international recognition. He had all the trappings of wealth. He had a trophy wife and seemingly happy family... from the outside. On the inside though nobody liked the other and misery ruled the day. Everyone hated each other and hated the situation they were forced to live in. He stayed to save face in the small town community, my step-mother stayed for the money, I had no choice.The end for him came in two stages. First, his wife threw a fit about sending me to college. She said because her daughter only went for two years that was all he was going to pay for me. The fact that my step-sister flunked out didn't matter. Second, he caught his wife fucking her daughter's new husband. He died fifteen, or so, days later.Life is to short and far to precious a gift for such misery. Sometime we have to choose to leave someone behind and generally it's a shit choice. He should have gone on with his new wife and had a kid out there somewhere or sacrificed what he thought he wanted for the sake of a kid. Trying to force both and live a lie just made everybody unhappy and miserable.It makes me sad to think about it. Not so much for the shit I had to endure but for the unhappiness he had to live in. I wish he could have had something better. He was a good man, he deserved better. If my not being around could have alleviated a lot of the tension he had to deal with, I wish he would have left me behind. Mom gave him that option. She didn't need money or anything from him. She was and is strong, caring and always there. Part of me wishes he would have taken her offer.I love my dad and he loved me but love in misery is, I think, maybe not worth it.

"It sounds a lot like you feel that you are the blame for your father's misery." Not at all. I didn't mean to make it sound like that. He made his pile of shit and insisted on wallowing in it. I think, for the sake of his own happiness, he would have be better off cutting me loose or cutting her loose, at least in the beginning.While I know that wouldn't have solved all his problems, maybe he could have enjoyed his life a little more, rather than the near daily misery of trying to have us all get along. That's what I mean when I say "it was a shit choice" he was faced with but one that should have been made instead of opting for pretend happiness and continued misery. The longer I was around the more she resented me and him and the more his life went down hill. At the outset when it became apparent there wasn't room enough for all of us to be happy together, I think, he should have let one of us go.

Originally Posted By: OldFolksI think, for the sake of his own happiness, he would have be better off cutting me loose or cutting her loose, at least in the beginning.While I know that wouldn't have solved all his problems, maybe he could have enjoyed his life a little more, rather than the near daily misery of trying to have us all get along. We all get a little smarter when we look back. I'd say, leave it all back there and move forward.... take just the good memories with you.