Do you ever feel, like, life is just... not made for you? My life has been difficult, and i dont know how much more i can take.
i just feel like buckling down and crying, but its so hard for me. ive always been told that crying made you a lesser man, and now im sitting here eyes watery but the tears refuse to fall...
i miss all the people who have passed and i just cant figure out why it is they've left me. they helped me with so much, when my grandma died, they were there for me, waiting. with open arms, they were my pack of angels.
there all gone now, and i have no one to turn to, i want to cry so bad but i cant. i cut myself, and pour pure alcohol over my cuts to increase my pain because it makes me feel like the punishment that i've felt has been enacted.
we lose so many great people to this world, and we dont know where they've gone. i've done so many terrible things, and i have no idea where im going to go, but i pray to god that it's somewhere better than the place i've been these last 4 years of my life.
im tired of the drugs the drinking and the stress, i want my life to be happy, i wanna just feel good all the time, and i cant figure out how to complete my life.
it feels like i wont be happy till im dead, and i cant just kill myself because there are so many people relieing on me, my mom, my sister, .... im crying now, my nephew, who's mother does next to nothing for him, he's what i hold so dearly to my heart, i love him no matter what, and he's the strongest thing holding me back from death, and yet i still want it so bad.
there are so little things that im living for in this world, and those things can so easily be taken from me...
im going to therapy, ive been to anger management, to a phsychiatrist, i've been to church, but no matter what, its like i go through all that and i still feel and analysis that the only thing this earth has to offer me, is death...