Lately my life feels like it has been falling apart. First of all my girlfriend and i have been on the rocks for the past couple weeks due to alot of things, most recently her lying. She lies about little things and then i catch her in the lie and she will deny it up and down even though i tell her "You dont understand do you...your caught" and finally she admits to it. Then she will give me the "truth" and it will turn into this big arguement and she will then later tell me what she originally told me (the lie) was the truth and she just made up another story to cover as the truth because she said i wasnt believing her when she was really telling the truth (what i thought was the lie)and that she panicked and didnt know what to do.She said she lies because she feels im attacking her and trying to force the truth out of her, the thing is shes lied to me so much in the past (big things and little things) i have to pry at her to get the truth and even if i get it i dont kow if its the truth because i dont know what to believe.So i left her yesterday after a big fight that had to do with her lying. Somehow we were on the subject of attraction and other people, and she has always told me im the "only person she sees" because she loves me and no one else matters, and she doesnt look at other people and they dont matter. So yesterday i asked her if that was the truth and she said yes and it basically turned into what i described in the previous paragraph, i was having a hard time believing it because i see her check other people out all the time so i said "i see you check other people out, why dont you just tell the truth its not a big deal" and she denied it up and down and then finally admitted to it. She said she checks hit guys out in front of me all the time and that shes only been doing it for a couple months and im no longer the only one she sees anymore and she doesnt know what happened, so that really hurt me because i was quite shocked. I wasnt mad really about her checking other people out it was the fact we were living a lie for a year about me being the only one she sees. So after this whole ordeal i left her because i couldn't handle her lying.After us both having emotional breakdowns because of the break up we talked it out and she told me she doesnt really check people out she told me that because she said she was scared and panicked and she had to tell me that because i didnt believe her when she said she didnt. I personally dont know what to believe.Thats one of the bad things in my life right now, whats comming up is the worst.I believe my mother is dying. (Shes the only one i have, i have no family in my area, and my father is dead). She can barely breath anymore and its scarring the hell out of me. Shes been a chain smoker for 40 years and i believe she may have cancer or emphysema (my grandma died of it). This has been putting alot of stress on me, ive been crying every night and i dont know what to do. We have no health insurance or money to go to the doctors. I only have 75 dollars to my name and ive offered to by her smoking patches and whatever she needs, i told her i will sell my computer and everything to get money for it and she just wont do it. She says she wants to quit but she cant and last night we got in a huge fight because she couldnt breath and she still went outside and smoked cigarettes. So i got mad at her for it and it caused a fight.I just dont know what to do anymore. Me and my girlfriend are going through bad times and my mom could be dying....im starting college tomorrow and im terrifed of everything right now. I check on my mom several times at night when shes sleeping just to make sure shes still breathing, im so scarred to lose her. I dont know what to do...i just turned 18 im not ready for all of this to happen, right now i wish i was the one dying of cancer so i wouldnt have to be here anymore...i cant believe any of this is happening....im sorry for bothering everyone with my long rant....im going to go.
Things are starting to fall apart.
Thanks Rad, all i can do lately is cry. Its been the story of my life the past couple weeks. I just sat out back with my cats today and cried. Im going to do really good in school, i will never live like this again. I dont blame my mom for our lifestyle, its not her fault. She has had a hard life, way harder than me. What happened to her is not her fault and she has done the best she can to raise me and shes done a great job, shes an amazing mother. Im very worried about her right now, i would do anything to make her healthy.I am going to get an education for her, and im going to succeed for her. So she knows that she accomplished her goal of giving me a good life and guiding me in the right direction. I cry as i write this, god bless my mother and i hope to god she is ok, i will do all i can to help her.All i can do right now is go to college and get an education. Im also going to become the best 135 pound fighter in the United States when i win the National Championship in November. I may be giving up 25 pounds but no other fighter in that tournament has my heart i can guarantee that. They can tear my arm off if they want to but im still going to win and i'll carry my arm home with me if i have to. Im going to succeed in education and athleticism and give my family the lives they deserve.
Try not to feel responsible for everything, MMA. It does sound like your mother may have emphysema, but only she can do anything about it. She will die sometime and when that happens it will be tough, but it's something everyone has to face when it happens.In the same way breaking up is very tough, but it's another part of life that often must happen. I wonder if it's possible for you and your gf to get relationship counselling? Something does seem to be wrong.