Depression.....

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Oldfolks, I can really relate to what you are implying when you feel something is missing and no matter what you do to fill that void it's always there. I have struggled with depression for the last 10 years. I am currently 21. Before I was even born my biological mother cheated on my father. He in turn, left her and was deployed somewhere else in the army. My mother was Vietnamese and my father was Caucasian. Being a single mother at 17 is hard, but it is especially hard in a poor country like Vietnam. So my mother opted to move to USA. She arrived first and I followed about a year later this was when I was 3. But in that year, my mother found a new man and began a family with him. Unfortunately this new guy did not want a child in his family that was not his. So I was sent to live with my grandmother. Throughout my youth, I was constantly depressed and trying to cover up my depression by doing idiotic things to mask it. I got into drugs and alcohol at a young age. Constantly having mood swings, one week id be hanging out with all my friends. And the next I would be locked up in my room staying up all night and never seeing daylight. Counseling helped me a lot, so did getting on a healthy routine of sleep, diet and exercise. Also I started learning to play the guitar and that has brightened up my day.Basically what I wanted to say was, those drugs and materialistic things made me forget about that empty feeling for a day or 2. But in the end we must find out what our true demons are and face them. I found out that I suffered from thinking "I was never good enough". I thought my own mother abandoned me because I wasn’t good enough. I thought my only love of my life so far abandoned me because I wasn’t good enough. But the reality was it was their problem and their loss, not me being not good enough. Seeing the truth has saved me. I was living depression day by day for years. Now i just get into those slumps every once in a while.I apologize if this was too long and boring...just wanted to share.

Thanks very much for sharing that.

What if it becomes a way of life?Well, then it sux. I've been depressed for who knows how long (pretty much my whole life) and it has definitely become a way of life for me.Do I want to live this way? Hell no. Do I have a choice in the matter? Not really.Now how does depression become to be a way of life? I'm not sure, but I can explain how it became a way of life for me, personally. To keep it simple, nothing else worked. I've tried talking to people, keeping myself busy with other things (drugs, games), and medication. Some of these things are short-term solutions to depression, none of them long-term, which is truly what matters.So what to do when it becomes a way of life? How do I cope with it? The answer is, I don't. I just live depressed all the time. I try to get used to it, but I don't think depression is something you can ever get used to, like a new pair of shoes or something.At some point it does get too much, which is when I become self-destructive and do stupid things. Drugs are almost always involved as well.Is this all a healthy way of life? Hell no. But when all you can do is live for today, you're not really concerned about your quality of life. You're only concerned with getting through the day, to do it all again tomorrow.Long story short, I can relate to you, Roc, in depression being a way of life. If you figure out how to solve this dilemma, feel free to let me know.

Wow! I was really depressed when I started this thread. I have been to that place where I never thought it would end. Somedays it was so bad, I didn't even want to get out of bed. It hurt to breathe, but I somehow made it thru it. I can't say what will work for you, but I think I finely hit bottom. I was in the very bottom of the barrel and didn't care if I lived or died...Mind you, I am not a strong believer of organized religion. but one day I was driving home with strong thoughts of just driving my truck into a tree hoping to end the pain. Realizing that this wasn't who I was, I pulled my truck over and sat there shaking and in tears. I remember screaming out loud help me please. I saw this little cute old chapel. I drove to in and went inside. Now I haven't been to a church since I was a teenager, I walked in and sat in one of the pews. I looked around at all the pretty stained glass and pulled out my Ipod and put some music on and laid down. I must have fallen asleep but was awaken by this young priest. He actually scared the shit out of me and I fell on the floor as I freaked out.long story short, we had a very long talk. He was wonderful about listening to me and my life story and just offed me this advice. He said. " I can't make you feel better. Nobody can.... Only YOU can make you better! When you have had enough of the pain, depression and the emotional roller coaster. That is when you'll decide that enough is enough and you don't want to live this way anymore, then you will know what to do." I thought what he said was bullshit! I left and for along time his words were always in the back of my mind, I remember randomly thinking to myself, Is this time the time? Is this the bottom?that was over a year ago and I have made it out of that dark place. Sure, I still have sad days from time to time but I have learned what triggers it and I try my best not to put myself into that situation anymore. I have mostly good days now and have become a happy person. I take it one day at a time...There is hope for depression

I just now realized how old this thread was, sorry. I only looked at the last few replies and saw they were somewhat newer so I went ahead.> Somedays it was so bad, I didn't even want to get out of bed. It hurt to breatheThat was me yesterday. I didn't wanna get out of bed at all cuz everything just sucked, and I didn't wanna have to deal with life.I've thought about randomly walking into some church too... I'm not really a believer in any god, for reasons of things that have happened in the past, but sometimes it'd be nice to know that there is indeed something higher than me that kinda has control of things. The idea itself seems silly to me, but desperate people do/think desperate things I suppose.One of my biggest problems I think is that I am too smart for my own good, or at least I think so. To try to explain, I'm gonna make this story real short. My entire life I've never been concerned with myself, cuz I didn't matter, not to myself or anyone else (I still think this, as you might've seen in my "hello" thread earlier).Anyways, since I never focused on myself, I always focused on others. In school, I would watch and "study" others and figure out why they do what they do, why they say what they say, etc. Call it psychology. After the years, I've become pretty good at figuring people out, and today I can pretty much tell what kind of a person someone is just by meeting them one time.Why am I saying all this? Because I'm also good at giving advice, and I know this. Other people recognize it, as is proven by the fact that people tell me their problems all the time, even if I just met them. I apparently give good advice too, but whatever.Because of this, I have a very hard time listening to other people's advice to me. I think I know it all. You'd think that recognizing this problem would allow me to do something about it, but I don't know what. So if I walked into a church and poured my heart out to some priest, I don't think I would be able to take his advice.Anyway, I'm glad it helped you though. That's one less person who has to suffer through this.> There is hope for depressionPete tells me this all the time. And I tell him the same thing every time... I might've had hope 10 years ago, but I've long since lost all hope.

This was a very inspiring story:). Im proud of u. Thanks for sharing. I'm very happy you went into the church instead of into the tree:(.

we're all proud...!There is hope... Really. I wouldn't lie to you about that

I've been lied to plenty of times unfortunately

NOT by me!!!

I'm sure given the chance you'll find a way to lie to me too, just like everyone else in my life.

your wrong! It's not my MOGiven the chance, I might prove you wrong. Im sorry you're so down

I'm afraid it's too late to give anyone a chance.And don't be sorry I'm down, I don't want other people being sad because of how I am. The sooner I accept I'll always be depressed, the better.

I wish I could reach you somehow...

That's the thing.No one gives a damn. The only people that might even care a little bit are online twice a week.I have no one, and it sux.I've tried hitting up a few older members, but we can't seem to meet up at the same time ever.