A long and overdue VENT! (long read)

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So i havent made a post regarding my feelings in a long time and i feel its overdue as i dont really have anyone to talk to at the moment and i need to get alot off my chest. This will be a really long read, i appreciate it those that do decide to read and if not i understand.Anyway i will start with my relationship.Its been almost 2 years and yes i am still with the same girl. We have had alot of ups and downs and the past half a year have probably almost split up several times, all due to my initiation not hers. Im having a hard time figuring out what i want right now. Part of me feels like i should be single and enjoy my years as a young adult. Theres a big part of me that wants to go out and party and get to hook up with girls if i want to or even just get to meet new girls (without hooking up) and i feel like i wont be ready to settle down until i get that out of my system and i feel like i need to experience that part of my life. My girlfriend is very aware of the fact that things have changed and that we have drifted apart and it has made her paranoid and clingy (shes always been both nut now its worse than ever). She calls me constantly until i pick up, she gets mad when i party with my friends, she constantly smuthers me when we are together, kissing and touching me almost every 10-25 minutes which does get annoying, i just feel suffocated. But there are times when we have fun, but part of me feels like we are almost just fuck buddies now as it seems thats all we do when we see each other and then afterwards are pretty silent.Next is my homelife.Im living in a small 2 bedroom house with my mom, sister, brother in law, and i 3 year old. Things are very crazy here. I feel like no one has any personal space and due to that there seems to be alot of tension. My sister and her BF arent getting along so that adds to the tension. There are alot of arguements and alot of it over little shit just due to the tension and it makes living here extremely hard. I got into a bad fight with my mom a couple months back that got me kicked out of the house for a few days and that was no good. Its just hard being here sometimes, i love my 3 year old neice like she is my own and i almost feel that she sees me as a second father, but it is hard to have any privacy with my gf, or friends or just alone time when shes constantly comming in my room, and always wanting to see me. I dont meant osound selfish because i do everything for my neice, but sometiems i just need privacy and its hard to get it here. Ive resorted to pretty much being a hermit in my room again, and in the last 6 months ive become a stoner and i usually dont go more than a day or two without smoking now which im not sure i is a good or bad thing.Lastly for now is drugsIve always been curious about drugs and have always had a weird obsession with them, reading about them, peoples trips, etc i have done this since i was 15. Now im getting to the age where i feel like im ready to start experimenting (Mostly with exstacy and shrooms) and this scares me because i have always told myself i would never do these things. My best friend told himself the same things and in the past week hes done ex, cocaine and meth and now he wants me to do ex and shrooms with him. The scary thing is i feel like i could easily pick it up now and do it. If someone gave me a few pills i just might pop them and it scares me that im this willing to try new things, especially since most the crowd i hang with has done drugs and would do them again so its easy to get them.I feel like maybe its so easy for me now is because im looking for an escape. I feel as if im in a battle with depression (have been since i was young) and now im starting to lose that battle so im looking for an escape. I dont really know where my life is right now and i just needed to vent. Everything seems so worthless and all my ambition has died. I no longer feel ike an aspiring martial artist with all the potential in the world, i now feel like an undersized fighter with an average skill set that will never make it to the higher end of competition and now that my ambition for MMA is dying i have nothing left.I feel like my life could start going in a downward spiral very fast here and things could get ugly soon.

Ok firstly I think that girlfreind is just trying to keep your relationship aflote. Maybe if you tried going out on dates with her and not just having sex. I think that if you decide to party it would be a bad choice cause parting leads to drugs eventually. And drugs are hard to get out of ounce you start, I've never done them but I've seen the strugle that my cousin has with them he's in rehab for like the 5th time. Expesially with a kid looking up to you. What kind of example would you set for your niece. As far as she goes you should probably sit her down with you and tell that uncle fill in the blank needs some time alone or with freinds somtimes and it would really help uncle… if you would give me that. Or move out. As the depression goes it probaly because of the houshold if other people in the house are negative or fighting than it puts everyone in the house n a bad mood. But remember you can't change them only yourself so just try to get out ofthe house away from them sotimes.

Well said dude! :smile:

MMA:I was actually thinking of saying many of the same things. Deek just beat me to it. :grin: To expand, though:

With your GF, try just talking to her about the clingyness, etc. Going on dates sounds like a great idea to me, so that way you guys aren't stuck in your house just like "Okay, we're here again. What do we do?" Mix it up a bit, do different things each time. (And here's a good transition, too) Go over to her house/apt./whatever.

Home life: Just GET OUT every now and then. Go for a walk, sit at a park for an hour, go shopping, or take up a hobby maybe. I know how it feels to be stuck inside all the time, not necessarily the space, but it sucks. It builds to a terrifying crescendo after a while, and you start to go insane, although I'm sure quicker with so many people under one roof.

Your niece: I agree with deek. Just tell her, that, although you love her to pieces, that you need time for just you, so you can be with your girlfriend, or take a nap, do something with friends, whatever. 3-year-olds can be more understanding than they appear. She likes time to herself too, and explain that too.

Drugs: Escape into something else. Drugs help for 20 minutes, but their effects last forever, esp. if you get busted, have a bad trip, etc...or fall into a coma, etc. Get involved in a class at a community college or something. Start an art interest, collect something. It's easy to get just as lost into those things as it is drugs, and is much less hassle, and illegal/detrimental. :grin: It's good to try new things, but maybe not those things. And if you want to/it's easy because your group is "experienced", then isolate yourself from them, or find another group to hang out with too. They can throw as much a stink as they want, but it's your decision, and you should do what's best for you. If your not in contact with them as much, those feelings will fade.

And for the ambition thing...challenge yourself. And tell yourself that you're good. Tell yourself you're not worthless. It helps, believe me.

We're always here for you buddy. *hugs/pats back*

Luv and Deek had some good advice, so I won't make an echo post.However, I disagree with them about your girlfriend.As I told you before, you need to break up.I believe that the only reason why your urge to go out and see other people is so strong is because deep down you want to let her go. If you're unhappy, then you have to do it. The longer you wait, the worse it will be. I know you don't want to hurt your girlfriend but there's no other way out. You can not change how she is, no matter how long you stay with her. Seeing how you mentioned to her how you feel, it seems it only made her worse. Now, she's latched on to you more than before because of fear. Again, the longer you wait, the worse it's going to be. What if you can't control yourself and snap and end up cheating on her with someone else? I'm not saying you will, but it can happen if things keep going the same as they are now.Do the right thing and be honest with yourself and her. It's going to suck hard with all the emotional pain, but over time it'll be the past thing for you and her.

I agree totally and completely with Virtual. She's right. I think you need to break it up with this girl. If you were really into this relationship you wouldn't be having such strong thoughts of being with other people. And dude, you're young. So honestly... don't chain yourself to something you don't want. And the thing is about girls at least from what I've seen is that when you have sex it just makes them MORE clingy cause they feel so attached to you whether you like each other "like that" or not. She's going to continue being clingy. The constant sex isn't doing anything for you if not making things worse. Couples shouldn't be "f*ck buddies".As for your home life, been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt. I can't even begin to tell you how seriously JACKED UP my home life has been lately. But it's getting better. If you're sensing tension with your sister and her BF just stay clear out of the way and try to encourage and help her when you can. As for your mother, you may have your differences but she's STILL your mother. Be patient with her. Check yourself too. Are you disrespecting her? Are you giving her attitude? Basically, are you giving her a reason to be angry with you? Try doing something nice for her. Helping her out. Being a single parent isn't easy. I'm sure she has her stresses too. Doing something nice for her won't just make her happy but it will also make you feel good. And as for your niece, set her straight. I had to do the same with my little brother. Try and find her some friends. Or do what I did. Establish some time for just the TWO of you to hang out and then let her know that this time is strictly for you, that you need it. Or a better idea, get out the house where she can't find you. haha. A bit immature but she works. It's always nice having a young child look up to you, but once that happens you have a responsibility. How you treat that child will practically determine the kind of person they'll be when they get older. Just show her that love she's lacking from a father.And drugs... seriously dude WALK AWAY. I have your same situation. Most of my friends I always hanging out with always doing and dealing ex, marijuana, cocaine, speedetc etc etc. Just cause they're doing it doesn't mean you have to. You HAVE the choice whether to do it or not. I don't have a prob with weed but the others will jack you up. No joke. I would suggest staying away from them and finding some other thing to "explore" because drugs or no joke, especially if you're one of those people that end up getting addicted. Like my cuz always tells me when I think of doing something stupid "You betta check yourself before you wreck yourself". I swear she got that from a song but I don't know.Look out for YOUR well being. Look out for YOU but in a way that you won't end up in the loony house.

"Drugs: Escape into something else. Drugs help for 20 minutes, but their effects last forever, esp. if you get busted, have a bad trip, etc..."Speaking as someone who has a list of drugs not done that is far shorter than a list of drugs done, I think some shit needs to be said here.drugs last way more than 20 minutes, atleast most do, fucking wiffits are seconds, but anything else is much longer. a bad trip?thats only left down to a few, x, lsd,peyote,pcp,MAYBE even include shrooms in that group.I had many bad trips on lsd, it never stopped me from taking it again. peyote was intense, but it was nto a "bad" trip I had on it, pcp? lots of bad shit on that, but once again it never stopped me from doing more.a trip is a trip, bad or good its a one time thing and just because you had one bad one does not mean youll have another.As far as weed goes, i do not even count it as a drug, its a bullshit, racist, mass oppression of the people, that its even illegal.As to getting busted?that is the only part of this subject you got right.1 bust means a life time of shit that you can not escape.I can agree that turning to drugs for relief is a stupid bullshit idea, but thats it.

Well, in the end, we agree.
They were just examples. I've personally seen drugs, mostly marijuana I'll have you know, jack up friends lives beyond repair.

Joe Rogan said something I completely agree with, those people whos lives are going to be ruined by it? that will lose their jobs and be worthless? they are going to fuck it up anyways, with or with out weed.

Like I said before, I do not consider weed to be a drug, I use it myself, have for , jesus christ, I dunno how long. 38 now, been smoking it since I was 14, still managed to be productive, pay my taxes, make alot of money over the years, have a happy marriage, raise children, own my own business, currently in the process of opening a new, bigger business, owned a few houses, before where i am now, with the one i am in now being paid 100% off. My life is fine, if its going to ruin your life, there are 2 ways it can do so.
1 your a lsoer piece of shit who is set to lose no matter what, or 2 the stigma and bullshit laws associated with it fucked you because you got caught.
Now keep in mind, I used to drink a bottle a day of vodka straight from the bottle, chase that with a 12 pack of beers after work, and on weekends be fucked 3 sheets to the wind form the time I got up til I went to bed, if I even went to bed. drove drunk as fuck, all the time, including at work hauling radioactive waste. I was brought in several times for smelling like booze on the job, talked to and sent back to work. One rumor of a joint though and your on unpaid leave till you get results from a drug test at the hospital?
a new study shows that driving while stoned (I can not believe it myself, I drove drunk as fuck for years and I would never attempt to drive high) has nearly zero effect on your ability to operate a motor vehicle. and a positive drug test resulted in you being turned in to the police for it. All because anyone said I think he uses weed!
Only 1 time was I actually tested for booze, and it was the one time I was sober, I was acting "different" (cause I was sober!) so they brought me in for a breathalyzer because someone complained about me.

Weed is harmless, research even shows that it helps defend against certain types of cancer, and has never caused cancer, emphasima, and when looked at, the study recently that said it leads to fucking schizo?
well it happenst hat the same percentage of people who never used it end up down that road as those that did.
Its recreational use is fantastic.
I can go out, smoke a fatty, get blazed and baked off my ass, never get violent, and 2 hours later drive home, sober.
or i can go out, have a few drinks, get mean, and drive home drunk several hours later, still well over the legal limit and over the actual impaired limit.
medically?
there is not enough space on this board to get in to the medical aspects of weed.
legalization is far past its time, its one of select few causes I champion and fight for and donate money to the cause, volunteer time, and fight for.
Weed has never destroyed a single life, impossible to overdose on, short lasting effects, treats more ailments than any man made drug,and can not be linked to any deaths or disease.
it only ruins anyone's life, because of an unjust bullshit war on it. All in the name of money, by a society that is so hysterical, it even went so far as to make it illegal to grow fucking hemp, a plant with so many uses and a neutral carbon foot print that contains nearly zero THC.
It is beyond time to step out of the racial bullshit and lies and propaganda that led to its being shit on in yellow journalism and made illegal in a time it was illegal for a black man to step on a white mans shadow or look twice at white women, and brought to the front of society, used by responsible adults, for medical and recreational use, and taxed and sold in the open.

Originally Posted By: Grvtykllr

Only 1 time was I actually tested for booze, and it was the one time I was sober, I was acting "different" (cause I was sober!) so they brought me in for a breathalyzer because someone complained about me.

In other words, you were lucky.

Not everyone is lucky. Drugs of any kind, including alcohol, are a dicey thing. You play the game long enough and eventually your number will come up. Then again, some folks' number comes up the first time they play. Your choice.

Whoa whoa whoa, Chance!Calm yourself, dude. I just said don't do it, becuase in my personal experience, it's been nothing but trouble for people.Besides, like your sig, your entitled to think that, but I can still think it's a drug all I want and it's horrible to use.>>Thor, good to see you know where I'm coming from.

Originally Posted By: LuvMyCats

Whoa whoa whoa, Chance!
Calm yourself, dude.
What are you talking about?

Quote:No matter how gifted, you alone can not change the world. - LAbsolutely untrue. Though very difficult to do so by design, it occurs by happenstance all the time...and often according to the character of the individual in question. Interesting, huh.

He seemed to be getting a bit vehement about my saying, just don't do it. Seemed to me I pushed a button, that's all.Not saying he's wrong...just that was what I thought (the post below his.)

Thank you all for the great advice and support, i appreciate it.On that note ive talked to my mom about the situation and we are trying to figure things out to make things better. The major thing with my neice is i always get stuck watching her against my will. Its not that i dont like watching her, but for instance i come home from work and i want to go out but they dump her on me, they say its for 30 minutes but it ends up being like 3 hours everytime, shit like that is disrespectful to me and gets me angry.With the girlfriend i know things need to get wrapped up here and soon. I will likely be ending this relationship in the coming month its just difficult and will take time for me to do.With the drug thing i am a stoner and i know that, i am not ashamed as i am responsible and like Chance i do not see the harm in smoking it nor do i even consider it a drug. As far as Ex and Shrooms and what not, i likely will say no to both.I felt better after the vent i just needed to get it out.And Deek and ILuvMyCats you guys are right, we do need to get out more (me and my gf) and do stuff other than stick around at home. This passed week me her and her friend have been hanging out and its been really fun. Though getting out helps im not sure it solves the major problems of the relationship which are the fact that me and her are on way two different levels in life and she is a emotionally immature and just alot of things missing that i need to be there.Anyway thanks again guys, i will keep you posted!

Originally Posted By: thor Quote:No matter how gifted, you alone can not change the world. - LAbsolutely untrue. Though very difficult to do so by design, it occurs by happenstance all the time...and often according to the character of the individual in question. Interesting, huh.True or not (though, I guess it's a matter of opinion), it's nothing more than a line from a silly movie. Interesting enough, the character in question not only changed the world, but saved it. Japanese hollywood is quite an amusing conundrum.  Originally Posted By: LuvMyCatsHe seemed to be getting a bit vehement about my saying, just don't do it. Seemed to me I pushed a button, that's all.Not saying he's wrong...just that was what I thought (the post below his.) It's Chance. That's how he always is; so deep and passionate with his words. It's nothing to get nervous or defensive about.

D I love you man!! Im here for you if you ever need someone to talk to. I just want to say something right off the bat. If you do any of those drugs I will come to your house and bitch slap you! Trust me.. not a good idea. You are talented!!!!! I see something good coming your way in the martial arts industry. Drugs will not make that happen.  Quote: I feel like maybe its so easy for me now is because im looking for an escape. I feel as if im in a battle with depression (have been since i was young) and now im starting to lose that battle so im looking for an escape. this is not the escape that you are looking for. Doing these drugs will make the depression worse. Please dont go into this path. Trust me.. cutting back on the weed may improve your relationship and your home life. It did for me. I decided to stop smoking for 3 weeks.. as before I was smoking 3 times a day.It improved my relationship 150%. Things at home got better.. and all in all I felt alot better.  Quote: We have had alot of ups and downs and the past half a year have probably almost split up several times, all due to my initiation not hers. What is this telling you?? A relationship shouldnt be so up and down.. it should be steady.. you guys should be happy together.. but it doesnt seem like you are if you get annoyed when she kisses you  Quote:She calls me constantly until i pick up, she gets mad when i party with my friends, she constantly smuthers me when we are together, kissing and touching me almost every 10-25 minutes which does get annoying, i just feel suffocated. Read this over in your head again. Now think if you should stay with her or if you should break up?