Sleep Over with my Ex

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I went out New Year's Eve with my ex to the park. I didn't want to go out with anyone else 'cause 1. I didn't want any expectations (He's nice and I knew he wouldn't try anything) and 2. It would be late after everything was over and I wouldn't be able to take the bus home. He said it was okay that I could spend the night at his place. He lives with his folks so we stayed in his room. Everything was completely PG and he was nice about it. I had been thinking about him a lot lately and he was so close to me when we were sleeping. I could feel his warm body next to me. I just wanted to reach out and cuddle with him. I've been feeling lonely lately and I just want someone to hug and cuddle with. He slept really close to me in the beginning, but later on he moved farther away.I think I'm too close to him, emotionally. I started thinking about him more lately. I still want to be with him. I wish he wasn't still hung up on his ex, an Atheist, and didn't want to have children (I'm still undecided). I just like being around him. I like his presence. When I was asleep last night at his place I had three dreams. Two were good, they involved us making out with some serious fooling around. the other was bad. In the dream he was calling me while I was asleep and when I woke up he was straddle my waste and saying how pathetic I must be to be there. He was saying mean things and I was starting to cry and was getting up, packing my things to leave. I don't remember the rest of the dream I woke up shortly after.I wish I could be with him, but I know I can't. We are a lot a like, we have good chemistry, we get along good. We're a little different, he likes to drink and dance, he doesn't mind smoking pot. I don't drink or do drugs (never have). I just like him, care about him and I wish I could be his girlfriend again and it would be long term (I think I remember him saying he doesn't want to get married either). He so jaded. His was in a long relationship with someone he loved before me that ended badly for him. I feel like I'll never compare to her even though she cheated on him and treated him badly. We were a couple twice and broke up after only two months both times. He was never in love with me. The second times we were a couple I fell really hard for him. It was when we got really serious (physically). I thought I was in love, I don't know now.What should I do? I do I stop thinking about him the way I do when I still want to be around him?? I want a cuddle buddy. Do you think it was a bad Idea to hang out with him for New Year's and spend the night?

Do y'all think I was sending a "message" to him by asking if he wanted to hang out New Year's Eve?

Well, yes.

signed,sealed and delivered

What do you think he's thinking?

You could only find out exactly what he's thinking by asking him (and even then there is no guarantee he'll tell you). I am sure you are at least sending the message "it's not over", but how he interprets that further I can't tell. (Possible interpretations, depending on his character, history, etc, might include "she can't let go", "I still have a chance", "she wants me as a cuddlebitch", "she could be my cuddlebitch", and many others.)

I agree!

I'm afraid to ask him. I'm worried he's thinking/going to say something bad and he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I'm afraid to go "there" with him. I must seem pathetic.

What's done is done, but next time you might want to think twice about opening doors if you don't want to know what's behind them.

I do want to know, but I'm scared it's not going to be what I want. I always expect the worst.