Sorry if this is the wrong place to post it...
When I was 18 I was with a girl for almost a year...we never had sex because the first few times we tried I could not get it up. I should point out that she never instigated any acts and was very unreceptive. Ok...so after that I felt like a complete tool and went though my entire university career without having sex (I'm very good looking so more often than not I was always in situations where I could of had sex) Anyway when I turned 22 I lost my v plate- the sex was awesome and I had no problems. I didn't cum but I was using condoms and I'm uncut- most of my guy mates have the same problem. But I did cum just not though sex.
So, that was fairly recently but I felt that those getting-up issues were long gone...until I met this really nice girl and felt ready to have sex...poof...no air in the sails. It was sort of hard for 5 mins but she was so tight I could not get the fella in!
'sigh' she was cool about it all and just wants to take things slow- but I dont understand why he decided not to work this time?
If you guys (or girls) could shed some light on this I would really appreciate the help.
Thanks for listening
This is starting to get me down
Welcome to A2A, deepimpact. What you are experiencing is actually very common. The myth is that guys are ready and able at any time. The reality is that first (or almost first) time experiences rarely go well.
You know that you are able to get an erection, so that rules out a physical problem. Most likely your problem is performance anxiety, which is basically a self-fulfilling prophesy--you fear that you won't be able to get it up at the appropriate time and you consciously or subconsciously worry about it. And the worry becomes reality.
The problem, while frustratin, is fortunately, for most guys, pretty simple to solve. Don't worry about it. I know that this sounds simplistic (though difficult) but when you're with your girl, don't be thinking about (expecting) sexual intercourse. Spend a lot of time on kissing and foreplay, both with clothes on and without. Choose times when you are alone and not rushed. Let her stimulate you and when the time is right, you will know it. Make sure that she is well lubricated--naturally or otherwise. Just be sure to have a condom with you.
Thanks for the welcome readytogo and for the sound advice.
If I think about it I did put a load of pressure on myself throughout the day- seeing as sex is still a novelty for me!
When we were making out I was rock hard, but when I put the condom on it fizzled away.
While she is on the pill I still prefer using condoms- I hate them but I don't want to have any unnessisary risks.
The thing about the foreplay is that a girl hasn't made me cum yet. See I can get myself off no problem, but when someone else does it, it takes ages...I end up getting embarrassed and just tell her to stop. I also precum a huge amount- so I tend to avoid foreplay- I feel embarrassed that I make such a mess.
All in all you can see that I'm a bit of a worry wart...but I don't know how to shake these feelings of negativity. I just want a normal sex life and it seems that I'll never get that. It just upsets me, as I don't deserve it!
Ok so enough of my complaining but any advise will be great.
Thank you again, what you said makes a lot of sense
Welcome, deepimpact. What is called a normal sex life in movies and books and what people say to each other, and what is actually usual in real life, I think are very different things. Certainly having trouble keeping hard because of worry is so common that it is really part of "normal sex life". There are no magic answers but familiarity helps, so it gets better with time. (It might help to practice putting condoms on yourself.) In the meantime, follow readytogo's advice: don't expect penetration, but concentrate on making each other feel good without it.
It's also perfectly normal to have trouble reaching orgasm because the situation is different from what you are used to in masturbation - and less under your control. Again, it will get better with time.