Love yourself for what you are, despite this bump in the road. You never know the love of your life could be a carrier as well, or may just accept you for who you are, and not what has happened to you. That's the only reason I'm on this herpes dating sites, the slight chance of potentially finding the one that understands me, and has gone through the same situation.
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Oh, the break-up... Contact, no contact, what...
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Let's be careful @Derekcutts, @michmoriss, @josh123, and @emmakill that we're not hijacking ibezchillin's original thread. @ibezchillin had no STI issues in his problem. While the end result (loss of a relationship) could be similar, we need to be careful not to steer discussion toward those caused by an STI, which was not ibezchillin's issue,
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I can only say in here is Life is not a fairytale but you don't have to give up hope.
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SEPT 2014 Update
And so.. I made a public stink starting after New Years about my friend hooking his boys up with my ex (didn't ruin any celebrations).. and now the 3 found themselves in a nasty mess.. I maintained NC since then.. She tried to dish out an email about how she was happy with her decision (though I didn't read it) immediately after but that was all in NC zone..
This public stink ended up ruining my friend's relationship with his gf as well.. But its all stemmed from their connected actions. Misery loves company, and I pointed out an undeniable trend between the 4 of them that essentially repulsed each one of another.. So 1 year later stepping into that city, everyone's telling me of the deterioration around them :-(
So we're Fast-fowarding Jan--> July, right? lol
Between that time I healed and got my life in order, better goals, all the positives.. She breaks silence by wishing my happy birthday.. I tried to keep it minimal, but she was prying and prying about how I was, how my family was, etc.. June. So I rattled off enough to give her enough of a rundown, but more so the idea of "leave me alone, you're bothering me".. A month later would be the anniversary of the day we broke up.. July. I was able to muster up enough funds to dig myself out the debt I went into to buy her half of the apt and remove her, and a little then some.. Of course she didn't let a day slip by without reminding me of the breakup. But I was able to buy a new car within that time. It was part of a 5 year plan I had set before the breakup, and I was set back only 1 year... Well, since the breakup anniversary she's been going all in with texting me, inviting me to snapchat, etc.. She's already given me an episode of crying through text, about how she screwed up and the latter.. She had a 2012 truck, and talked as much **** as she could about my '95 coupe.. Now I'm riding in a 2014 on my own, and she had to trade in for a much older vehicle, old enough she's too ashamed to disclose the year (its just a car, jeez!)
I'll admit it still a bit overwhelming, yet wierd that the shoes on the 'other foot' now, all by a matter of acceptance, honesty and closure..
She found out I was in her area at one point and was upset I didn't reach out to her (as if I'm supposed to know she "wants to see me".. ?)..
I feel like continuing as I've been doing.. It's not like I came to her town to see HER, it was anyone/everyone else that I was concerned with..
What I do know is out-of-sight = out-of-mind and ignorance is bliss..
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@ibezchillin It's good to hear that you're doing so well. Yours is a good example that taking the high road pays off. You are an inspiration to others who may be in your situation.
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Hope this is good news!! After being diagnosed with herpes, you may feel that you will be short of dating options. However, there are many herpes dating sites (link removed by readytogo- links to dating sites not allowed) that help herpes singles get in touch with others, ensuring that you won't lack for company. In fact, these sites can provide you with much needed psychological succor, helping you ignore your condition to a large extent.
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Thanks for the useful information, will keep eyes on this.
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edited by readytogo-links to dating sites not allowed
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@ibezchillin I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. Most of us have been here and have asked that same question. I can't tell you what to do. Nobody really can as only you know what works for you. If you have decided it was a mistake and you said those words in anger and frustration then let your heart talk to her and tell you from the bottom of your heart and soul how you feel and what you would like to happen. Be prepared for her to tell you its not what she wants but at least all your card , your heart and soul are laid out for her to see. If she says she doesn't want to, then do what you have to do to move past it. Personally I did that and it was not what they wanted to do... and it really hurt. I think I randomly would just cried for what was about two weeks until I just realized it was just over between us and it was time for me to get on with my life without them. It was hard to do. but it took me about a year to recover completely from this and get my personal confidence back and now my soul doesn't ache when I see them. We're better friends now then we we're. I eventually found someone else and I only look back upon this as a life lesson to get me to where I am now. Good luck! It might hurt, but be completely honest with them and yourself... Be strong. You'll get through this... I promise!
hope this helps -
And so I'm happily 7 months into a new relationship, with a childhood crush -- and our connection to each other is beyond anything in this world..!
The no contact with my ex was perfect for me.. I was getting myself into more trouble by trying to stay in that relationship; we were better off as friends. Before making the decision to break up with her I was weighing the options of proposing and marriage -- and that honestly would have been the biggest mistake. I closed the accounts I had with her and paid back her half of the security deposit on our place in Delaware, now that I was able to. It took some time to secure the money but she was patient with me (after giving me an earful as if it was MY fault)... When I was ready to pay her back she was trying to push the idea of me holding onto it (I didn't see why I should though.. I feel as though she was trying to use me as an emergency cushion, to call on me for my debt whenever she hit rock bottom with her bills...) and I wasn't having that.. I already had everything I needed and initiated a transfer to her account. We're officially severed.. The only things keeping us connected is a deactivated Facebook account and a number in my contacts. So far she hasn't texted me to say Happy Birthday, and I haven't texted her either for hers (both of ours just recently passed) and I imagine we'll continue to drift apart. We're on somewhat better terms, but I continue to keep things short. When she has "engaged" me in conversation, she'd ask about the family and things like that -- I keep the information to a minimum since she know longer plays a role in my life that warrants that "privileged information. " Short answers to minimize the conversation, because what's the point?
Anywho, It's now been 2 years and I feel great. Again, I'm 7 months in with the love of my life. Our connection is like no other, completely beyond compare. After the separation anxiety it became clear to me that I was holding onto my ex for the wrong reasons. We were better off as friends, but having had that relationship I can't see us being friends again -- just acquaintances from here on. This thread is ready to be closed. Thank you guys for your words of wisdom and support! It's always a great feeling to receive outside perspectives on some personal matters, especially when you may have clouded judgement.
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@ibezchillin It's great to hear that things are working out so well for you. You are proof that nobody should stay in a relationship simply because that's all they've got. It sure sounds as if your life is now on an even keel. You seemed to have handled the closure very well.
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Now you have herpes, you need to be up front about it. Let the person you are interested in make the decision about whether you are right or wrong for them. It can be a deal-breaker, and you risk losing them and all the time and effort you have invested in the relationship.
Keep dating, and you will find someone who wants to be with you regardless of your condition. There are certainly some who wouldn't mind keeping the intimacy level just short of doing things that could transmit the virus. And of those people, it's likely that at least one will come around, and say, "Hey, I understand there's a risk, but I'm crazy about you, so I'm willing to take it"
Depending on your dating style, you might look for another person who knows he or she has herpes, if only to avoid having to discuss it. If you already use dating services or personal ads, you can also use any of those specifically for people with genital herpes. There are lots of online herpes dating sites for you to pick.
(Edited By Roc - Link was disabled --- Please do not post links to dating sites) -
@handlealone We need to be careful that we don't confuse things. The OP @ibezchillin never mentioned anything about any STI; the thread was hijacked by another when that reference was added.
