Masturbation and marriage

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Truly embarrised so please bare with meI am 22 and live in CT and recently married a wonderful man . Were both Christians and proud to say we both waited til marriage . I lost my mom when I was 10 to BC and was raised by my father and he was very strict. I couldn't even look at the word sex if you know what I meanNow since I am sexually active I have a question about orgasms well a few questions and I am hoping someone can help meDoes a woman have a orgasm from intercourseWhat position brings a woman to orgasmHow do you know if you have a orgasmHow long should your partner last ( TMI ) my husband maybe lasts about 3 minutes of penetrationI read that masturbation helps a woman learn her own body which makes having orgasms easier . I know masturbation is a debate but do a lot of woman masturbate even if there married.I have thought recently about masturbating (again TMI ) but I just can't start . I feel foolish and start laughing . Do woman say " Hey I am going to masturbate now " or does it just happen . I can't see myself saying to myself " Laura go masturbate " . Do woman set up a romantic scene when they masturbatemaybe this is all dumb but I need to talk to someone. I tried our pastor's wife and a nurse at my OB GYN but when it came time to talk I didn't say a word a my face blushedThanks for all your helpLaura

Hey Christianwife22, There is nothing wrong with masturbating as a woman, and there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. My wife does it all the time; most women do (same goes for men, married or not). It's a great way to answer some of your orgasm questions, although it will probably take some time to get to that point. I've never heard of setting up a romantic scene, but whatever floats your boat . In response to your other questions:-Yes, women can have orgasms during intercourse, but it often takes more than simple in-and-out; you should try other things.-The favored positions vary from person to person. You should try a couple things yourself; no one can really answer this for you-Three minutes is short. He'll probably get better and longer with experience.Good luck!

Hi, welcome to the forum! I can try to answer some of your questions:In reply to:Does a woman have a orgasm from intercourse Yes, she can, but not always. Its something you and your partner have to work at to make sure you get enough stimulation from sex to get to orgasm before your husband is done. A lot of women do not get orgasms from sex. Part of the problem is biological: On average, men reach orgasm 5 to 10 minutes sooner than women do from sex. Futher complicating this is the average guy reaches orgasm in 5 minutes or less assuming full penetration and not stopping or slowing down to delay the orgasm. So what usually happens is the guy cums and is done, way before the woman even gets close to orgasm. To solve this problem, you need to make your guy aware of this. He probably has no idea. Get him involved in making sure you're getting at least as much pleasure from sex as he is, including making sure you're reaching orgasm. One of the ways to close the orgasm time gap, is to have him do foreplay before you have sex. Like have him perform oral sex on you, or finger you, etc., to get you stimulated and closer to orgasm before he inserts his penis. Have him get you close to orgasm before you start to have sex, then when he penetrates you, you'll probably reach orgasm while he's inside you. In reply to:What position brings a woman to orgasm This can vary from woman to woman, but the most proven position to bring an orgasm on for a woman is the doggie style position. Simply because it brings the penis in closer contact to the clitoris, as well as rubbing against the elusive "G" spot. In reply to:How do you know if you have a orgasmWell, I can only speak from a man's perspective, but simply put, its the most intensely pleasurable feeling you can ever experience! I mean it is literally breath taking. It feels so good its overwhelming. Usually an orgasm starts as this wave of pleasurable pressure that builds rapidly deep in your groing. The wave keeps building and it feels really intense, until you just can't take anymore, then the wave crashes over you in a wonderful feeling of release and more pleasure, along with strong contractions in your groin, and the contractions continue for a while. For guys, the orgasm lasts only 10 seconds. Women's orgasms can last considerably longer, and they are fully capable of multiple orgasms in a row, unlike guys who usually can only get one orgasm at a time. In reply to:How long should your partner last ( TMI ) my husband maybe lasts about 3 minutes of penetrationAs discussed about, its a little quicker than average, but not too far off if he's going full penetration and not taking any breaks. To last longer, he should pace himself, by slowing down when he feels he's about to cum, or even pulling out completely and wait a minute or so for the urge to cum to pass, then continue. With practice in stop and go, he can last considerably longer. Also, he may want to masturbate to ejaculation before you have sex. The more often a guy ejaculates in a short period of time, the longer it takes him to reach orgasm the next time. So if he just cummed 20 minutes ago from masturbating for example, when he has sex with you, it will require more stimulation and more time for him to ejaculate again. Hope this helps!

Yes, a woman CAN have an orgasm from penetration. Though some find it harder than others.Women can orgasm in many different positions. It really depends on personal preference though. Try different positions and you'll get to know what you like. The most popular for women is probably missionary and on top.When you have an orgasm, you won't ask the question, "I think I had an orgasm" because if you ask that question then you didn't. You will know when you have an orgasm. Just a little extra, you may feel like you need to pee sometime before you have an orgasm. If you're having sex or making love, just keep going and you'll pass that "need to pee" sensation and probably have an orgasm.There is no real estimated time a man should last. In my opinion, a man should last for as long as until you're satisfied. I can tell you if you think your sweetie is cumming to early, you can work on getting him to last longer with the stop-and-go method. If you need an explanation of this, just ask.Many women masturbate even when they are married.Masturbation can help a woman learn her body better in which, when having sex, she can position herself to get the good points to get some friction. Either that, or you can show your hubby what he can do to help you hit those special spots you've found.Different women masturbate by different stimulations, as do men. Whatever kind of stimulation needed (be it mental, visual, or anything sensual) depends on the person. For example, many men find pornography visually stimulating and it turns them on. You may need mental stimulation, whereas you relax and imagine something that turns you on. It could be something romantic. Whatever gets you going.You don't have to be shy or embarrassed with our little community here. For the most part you're pretty much anonymous and a lot of us are just here to help.Welcome to the site by the way.

Is it really a proven fact that woman oragsm easiest through doggy style? I always thought it was woman on top, this brings the clit closest and she can move the way she needs to feel most pleasure . I have never been able to orgasm doggy style.
Anyways.
I am married and i masturbate quite often. Usually in the shower with the shower massager directed on my clit. Intense pleasure,i start shaking its so intense.
As far a a romantic scene, i have lit candles ,turned off the lights ect, kinda helps relax you. Dont be embarrassed, its something most of us do. Just relax, close your eyes, rubb your clit,and think "sexy" and just zone out to another world.
If it feels good, then keep doing it. But you have to be really relaxed, and concentrate on how good it feels.
Good luck!

I want to tell you a somewhat graphic story from my own young manhood, 25 years ago. You mention your religious belief and your strict upbringing, so I pray it doesn't offend you. I wouldn't tell it if I didn't think it might be some help to you and your husband, at a point in your young life when you're willing to come to a pretty frank site like this one in a state of evident pain. It goes back to when I was 17 and still a virgin--I had been late to puberty and had only learned to masturbate properly two or three years earlier. I was browsing in a bookstore one day when I met a woman, probably 10 or 12 years older than I. We got into a conversation, discovered we had some favorite books and writers in common, one thing led to another, and suddenly we were in her apartment a few doors away, peeling off our clothes.She looked at me standing there, naked and already erect, and said, "Please tell me you're not a virgin." I thought of lying--guys are vain that way--but I felt myself blushing, so admitted I was. She pointed at the bed and said, "OK, lie down. On your back." I did as I was told. She followed, knelt beside me, and masturbated me quickly and efficently to orgasm in maybe a minute. Then she lay down beside me, began pleasuring herself with one hand, and idly ran a finger through the puddle on my belly with the other. In what was probably my personal best time, I started getting hard again, with a little help from my friend's caresses. When I was fully erect, she climbed onto me, lowered herself onto my penis, and started moving up and down, at her own pace and with her own positioning of our parts. I was in adolescent dreamland--we went on for a half-hour or more, and she did little things to see to my pleasure as well as her own. We exploded at the same moment. I was spouting more semen than I thought was left in me. She was arching here back, clenching my body between her knees and yelling up at the ceiling. For a few minutes, we lay in each others arms, spent and satisfied. I was in love. She obviously wasn't. She got up, fetched a towel, wiped me down and handed me my underpants. As I got up to put them on, she slapped my bare bottom and said, "Good work, kid. You just graduated with honors. See you around." In memory, she got into her jeans and top before I had pulled my briefs up over my privates, and by the time I finished dressing, she already was at the door, showing me the way out. My first affair had lasted about an hour all told. We never saw each other again. I understand now that I was just a real-life sex toy for her, an all-but-anonymous teen-age boy with a firm and reliably ready penis. But I learned a lot from that brief encounter, and some of what I learned could be helpful to you and your husband. One is that woman-on-top position. My wife of 20+ years and I try to keep our sex life varied, but that remains a regular part of our repertoire and has brought us to some of our biggest orgasms. Some men, and your husband may be one of them, think it's somehow unmanly to lie passive and put the woman in control of the speed and tempo. I'm the opposite. First of all, I'm not passive--my hips are doing some thrusting of their own in a kind of dance with my wife's. More important, my penis is giving pleasure and receiving it in often new and surprising ways. And seeing my wife in orgasm makes my own more intense. You and your husband should never do anything you find repellent, but the sexual side of your apparently loving marriage evidently needs repair, and I'd recommend experimenting with this technique. Second, you really should get past that shame that makes you laugh at yourself when you consider masturbating. Practically all boys and probably most girls do it all their lives, in or out of marriage. As my wife and I have taught our three teen-age kids (a girl and two boys), masturbation is a perfectly normal, healthy act--a pleasure in itself, one that will last all their lives, and a learning experience too. It's how we find out about our own sexuality, what we need and want when we get in real relationships and, with a little imagination, how we can please our partners as they please us. The woman who initiated me sexually knew exactly how to please herself and me. Masturbating can teach you the places and the touches you need to bring yourself to orgasm, and if you're brave enough, it can help you communicate those lessons to your husband. Third, your husband's three-minute dash to orgasm really is too fast, for you and I would think for him as well. One of the lessons I've taught my two boys is to stretch out the experience of masturbating--it will make their orgasms more intense now and will help their self-control when they graduate to real sexual relations (as one already has). Perhaps your husband should masturbate to climax a half-hour or so before you get started with serious lovemaking. Better still (again, if you're brave enough), you might masturbate him and make it part of the act of love, an appetizer to the main course. Either way, it should slow his dash to the finish line.And you should be using mutual masturbation as part of your foreplay--if he knows what to do, and you'll have to help him with that, he can give you a good head start toward orgasm before he enters you. Early in our relationship, my wife and I masturbated for one another, so we could each see what touches and rhythms pleased the other. The next step was masturbating one another, each of us guiding the other to the places that pleasure us most. And we talked about it--it was tell as well as show. Communication, to me, is the glue in a marriage. Sex can be difficult to talk about, but noncommunication is worse--each partner needs to let the other know what's pleasing, what's not and what's missing. You've bravely given us an idea of your unmet needs. Your husband may have some of his own, and if he does, you need to find out about them and deal with them if you can. The pain of discussing those needs, yours and his, is nothing compared to the pain of leaving the sexual side of a loving relationship unsatisfied. Courage, and welcome to this forum.

In reply to: What position brings a woman to orgasmThis can vary from woman to woman, but the most proven position to bring an orgasm on for a woman is the doggie style position. Simply because it brings the penis in closer contact to the clitoris, as well as rubbing against the elusive "G" spot. whoa! i totally disagree with that! doggy style is the least effective way for me and many women. there is no penis contact with the clitoris in that position. i won't come unless me or my partner is directly rubbing it. it's quite pleasurable, but if i want to have an orgasm it's missionary or me on top.

oh i forgot to answer any of the original questions!i've been masturbating since about age 13 and i've been married for 12 yrs and masturbate regularly. it's pleasurable and fun. i don't say "hey, go masturbate!" i simply get aroused for some reason or no reason and take care of myself, either with my hand or my vibrator. the only time i masturbate "just because i can" is in the shower. i have a shower massage and often use it just because it's there.