Alright so I met this girl at college and we went out on a great first date...Lunch, Beach, ended with the first kiss. Pretty solid first date and we learned a lot about each other.The problem I am running into is, she is very hesitant to get involved in a new relationship due to being hurt from a past relationship (like physically hurt, not just emotionally, he hit her)I am not quite sure how to approach the topic / divert from it or even move on forward.Obviously she wants to "take it slow" but I'm just...flustered because I don't know how to move around this topic and focus on "us".It is also because of her past relationship I feel like I am having trouble getting into her circle of trust...How can I work to make her trust me and continue to move on from a bad past relationship and move into a new one here?
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New Relationship..
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It will be hard for her to trust, but it can be done, slowly. Most of the time it’s not about what you say but show. “I love you” don’t mean shit nor does “ you can trust me” there all just words. With people that have been hurt and lost their trust in people it takes a lot for them to let someone new in. There is a lot of wondering, thinking…trying to figure out what this new person really wants. I doubt you’ll earn her trust in a year or 2 years time …. Guess it may depend on how many abusive boyfriends she’s had in her past.
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Welcome, PokerPlayer. Trust is hard to get and easy to lose. Unfortunately for you, you still pay the price even though you had nothing to do with causing the loss of trust.
My advice is to take it slow and easy. Keep your dates very public so that she feels safe. She'll let you know when she feels comfortable again. It will happen and she'll love you for it. As CR rightfully said, it's all in the actions, not the words.
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Originally Posted By: *CR!*It will be hard for her to trust, but it can be done, slowly. Most of the time it’s not about what you say but show. “I love you” don’t mean shit nor does “ you can trust me” there all just words. With people that have been hurt and lost their trust in people it takes a lot for them to let someone new in. There is a lot of wondering, thinking…trying to figure out what this new person really wants. I doubt you’ll earn her trust in a year or 2 years time …. Guess it may depend on how many abusive boyfriends she’s had in her past. If you can't earn her trust in a year don't waste your time, she has serious psychological issues that need to be treated.Honestly unless this girl is really worth it, you're just going to be burdened with all of her psychological issues.She really should be seeing someone about it if she hasn't already. I dated a girl in grade 12 who was sexually abused when she was younger, and she was great during the day when there were more people, but when it was just me and her she felt comfortable enough to talk to me about everything. I had no problem with that until it got to the point where she brought it up almost every day and she clearly had some deep seeded issues. I suggested she went to a psychologist/psychiatrist and she blew up in my face... So I just ended it.
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Well I'm quite surprised that she would have even went out on a date and had a kiss with you, because from my experience, most of the female friends I've known who previously has been in a relationship where they were emotionally or physically abused would be very hesitant to go out on a date in the first place, let alone kiss someone that soon.I would be careful, however. This could be a good sign or a bad sign. I mean if she feels that comfortable with you already that is great. However, she might feel worthless and just feel like whatever and give herself up to you quick, and that certainly isn't what you want if you were looking for something long term.
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why are you replying to me? nvtfm
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okay, little updateWe've been seeing each other somewhat regularly, about twice a week each week and just going out and having fun.First, she is really scared to get in a relationship. I accept this and can deal with it and wait, but it is just so frustrating. Everyone is literally telling her to "go" with me, but she just won't take the step. I mean her mom is on my side even and I've never met her. Her best friends(who are "rooting for me") keep telling me to stick with it and just wait but it is just sooooo frustrating.It seems like we've almost regressed. Bottom line is I really like this girl and I respect her so I am willing to wait...and will. Yet, I just don't know what the hell to do. When we go out I usually end up mingling with her group of friends in general because she is so busy and has a lot to do. We really don't get as much 1 on 1 time as we had when I first met her. Sometimes just being around all her friends can be a pain because you can't get the private time or talks you need. We talk every day still whether it be on the phone or via texting, and it seems like that is the only time we ever talk about us. When we're out we're always too caught up in the moment to talk about anything, but that is good I guess...Cliff notes:We don't get a lot of 1 on 1 time because we're always with her friendsShe's afraid of a relationship due to fear of being hurt / not loved backHer friends all want me to end up with her but subsequently sometimes end up getting in the way but I'm too nice to say anything.Thursday we're going out dancing which is fine, and I have no problem going with her friends too. However, Saturday, I am supposed to bring her to a surprise party for her. Her best friend has given me the task of taking her out all Saturday and bringing her back in time for the surprise party. I really don't know what I am asking for or looking for from you all, but any advice or tips is nice at this point. It's frustrating because all I want to do is just walk up to her, grab her, and kiss her. Yet I don't want to be forceful. BlahhhhhhSaturday may be the first time in a while I get her to myself for an extended period of time and I am not sure what I should do or say or try to get across to her.
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also I want to add inher biggest fear is that she will lose freedom in a full on relationship...but we already basically are....
