That's definitely on right track. Heed her words- find something you like doing, because it'll keep you occupied, as well as open you up to meeting new people in general.What's always worked for me was working out. Whether doing martial arts or going to a gym, that took my mind off any problem- even is it was just temporarily. There's even scientific study showing that doing an activity you enjoy releases the right chemicals in your body to get you out of a blues state.By the way, Cenfath, I'm a fan of muscle cars. My dream car is a '71 Plymouth Baracuda, with twin hood scoops. =)
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A turn of events
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Then you should pick a hobby that doesn't have to be set to a schedule. The one thing you don't want to do is give yourself a reason to not take your mind off things.
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Well time for a different type of advice.How can I break up with her, but still leave it so that she can realise her errors and come back with more effort?
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That's an interesting situation. Here's what I want to know: Do you want to break up with her? Or are you trying to teach her a lesson and have her come back?It sounds like you're trying to do both, and to be honest trying to do both will defeat the chances of either one working. You've tried talking to her, giving her a break, giving her an ultimatum, but so far none have worked. I'm pretty sure that even if you engraved what you wanted to say on her forehead, she still may not get the clue, which would make something clear- no matter how much YOU try to "teach" her, SHE won't learn anything from it. So what I'm saying is that you can try to teach her, but it's on her to learn- you can't force that.Now if you're trying to break up with her, then that would be easier said than done- but not impossible. What you have to do is summon all the will you have and simply walk away. If she calls you, don't entertain the call. If she leaves a message, don't return the message. WALK AWAY.If what you're trying to do is break-up with her, so she'll feel guilty and try to come back, that's impossible. You can break up with her, but whether she comes back or not isn't something that can be guaranteed. Maybe she'll see her errors, and maybe she won't.Personally, I'd say break it off and walk away. Give yourself time to heal and do something constructive for yourself instead of letting her take up "space" in your life.
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Here's the problem though. I really really don't wanna break up with her. Everyone is telling me to though, and I guess that it's all I have left to do.The problem is that I KNOW she can be affectionate, and that I know she has the capacity to do this.When I am with her it's the best feeling I can ever experience and it's amazing, and I don't want to lose that, but from what I can see I'm out of choices.
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GOOD. You're both honest with what you want and how the situation is.I think I speak for a good majority when I say we've all been in the situation of wanting to keep trying, because we've all witnessed the capacity for our significant other to be affectionate- even if they're not that way 99% of the time. However, the fact of the matter is you're also correct on the next count- you're out of choices, and here's why. In any interpersonal relationship, no matter how much you try, you can only give 50%.As hard as it may be to see it, you're probably just addicted to the idea of having someone there, but one should keep in mind that a significant other should compliment you, not complete you.
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Well I called her, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
In fact, I cried.
I feel so stupid now. There's a lot of nasty things going on. Mainly rumours are being spread that are totally unfounded, and it's getting me into trouble.
We considered splitting up, but we didn't. Now I'm having second thoughts.
I feel so dumb.
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***Hug***
You're not dumb, sadbuttrue, just caring.
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caring yes, but that doesn't seem to be what girls want.Can you see that there's anything wrong with me, because there must be if I can't make a single relationship work.From what I can tell, before she met me, all she would say is how she wanted to meet someone who would treat her right, and now that I'm here, she doesn't seem to be bothered any more.What am I supposed to think about that?
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I won't say you're dumb, though that can be a level reached in these kinds of situations.First of all, what you just said was partially true: you "can't make a single relationship work." That goes back to what I was saying about relationships being a team thing. YOU can't carry it. It has to be the BOTH of you, and if this girl can't meet you halfway, then I hate to put it this bluntly, but you're screwed.Now, all the hogwash about how she says what she wants, but once you give it to her, she doesn't seem to be bothered anymore? Here's the deal on that: a good majority of people in the world tell you what they want, but that doesn't mean they're being honest. A person could say they want someone who treats them right and cares for them- but what they really want is someone to open up their wallets, or give them attention, without having to give it back. And just to be clear, it's not just women who do this. I've met guys who'll give the line, but it's not the truth. People will say things to help give you the image they want you to have of them.If a girl says she doesn't kiss on the first date, but 3 out 5 times, she'll hop into bed in the first hour- she probably won't say that. She'd probably prefer you see her as some tender flower. A guy may tell you he wants a girl who understands what his goals are- but really mean he wants an easy girl. Now I'm not telling you not to trust people, but be weary. This girl obviously has been running you through the dirt, and if you don't put the breaks on, you'll be on longer for the ride.I love doing martial arts, and have had to spar with friends who I have almost a sibling relationship with. Sometimes the idea of hitting them scares me, but here's the advice that I was given, and I want to pass to you: If you feel that thing in your chest keeping you form being effective, then turn it off and listen to that thing in you head that's telling you how to fix the situation.Sometimes, cold, hard and fast is the best way to end a problem.
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Considering all the problems you're having with this girl, I can tell you right now that you two aren't compatible. You need a girl who wants a lot of the same things you do. Like I said a long time ago in this thread, you seem like a guy that likes a lot of attention from his girl rather than a more independent person.Some things I learned from astronomy class. If a system is complex than you're probably thinking too hard; the key to understanding systems in the universe is simplicity.If you're brain and heart has to battle each other then something is wrong. Be patient and wait for someone that brings harmony within yourself, and in turn you bring harmony within them.P.S. Nice posts Grendel_Prime
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Thanks websexinfo. Just trying to help out another person with what I've learned.
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Well someone suggested to me that if I can't bring myself to split up with her, I should just not talk to her until either she bucks up or drifts away.At the moment I feel like that's the only thing I can do
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You can be passive about it, but you're definitely not owning the situation and helping yourself.I'd say go ahead and do that, if it sounds easier, but if you do that, you should also try staring at youself in the mirror- right into your eyes- and ask yourself if you didn't just slap yourself in the face.Seriously, the longer this goes on, YOU'LL have so much of an attachment to her and a whole lot LESS respect for yourself.
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Well I don't think thats much of an issue anyway. My feelings for her are dropping away because I haven't seen her for so long. And because every time I do manage to speak to her she bitches at me, it's just helping it along.
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Just break it off.
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Here Here! I agree with everything Grendel_Prime has just said. Sorry I haven't been around (dealing with a final..but passed it). It's not worth the hassle anymore sad. Nothing you've done has worked. And to comment on the can't make a relationship work. Here's an old saying for you: You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. Perhaps what she wants isn't what you're offering. Maybe it's something completely different. If it is you shouldn't have to change yourself because of it. Just say, " Your loss!" and go about your business. You will find a girl who care about you. She won't play games and she won't cold. But until then...leave this one alone. Just give it to her straight and say, "I'm done."Oh and hey Grendel...you and I need to talk "shop" in the near future.
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Thanks for the support on that one cenfath. I'll email you This is what we've been saying sad. You can lead the horse to water- and if you're crazy enough, you can dunk it's head in- but you can't make them drink. There is nothing you can do to get her or force her to learn, so with that said, it's best to focus on taking care of yourself. Now, I know I don't know you from a stranger on the street- and I can't tell you what you need- but I'm willing to bet that if you take the initiative and break this off (as opposed to letting it "fade away"), the good it will do you will FAR outweigh how much it could hurt. Just break it off, and walk away.Now I know it may sound like people are coming down on you, but I'm also willing to bet that almost everyone on here who's given you advice has said, "Damn, I wish I walked away from all that drama." We've all had times where we wished we could travel back in time to slap some sense into ourselves, but since we can't the best we can do is pass on the advice to people going through the same situation.So trust me when I'm telling you that stepping-up, making a clean break and walking away will be the best thing you could do at this point.
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This is horrible. A song came on my playlist earlier that I had come to associate with her. Within seconds I had broken down and was crying, and couldn't stop for an hour.Every now and then I just start up again.