Okay so my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 1 and a half years. He is in the army and just recently got back from being in Afghanistan for a year. So we had been dating a few months before he left. We were completely and totally in love before he left. He called me and texted me all the time and wanted to see me and be with me. He then left, and we talked all the time, he then got R&R for two weeks in the middle of his tour and we were together for the entire 2 weeks. 6 months later he comes home and is acting totally different. He has been home for about 2 weeks, ive seen him twice, so maybe a total of 4 hours since he has been back. He doesn't call me, he only texts me if I text him first, and every time I try to make plans to come and see him, he either is too tired (okay understandable his sleeping is all messed up from the major time difference?? maybe) or he is with his friends. I know hes out drinking a lot.Should I just give him some space? I honestly don't know what to do. I need to do something because I can't focus on anything else. I missed him so much while he was gone, and I still miss him even though hes been back.
Why is he acting this way?
doing what he's been doing can change a person. you didn't say if he was on the front lines or just support, but nontheless, it changes a person. I'm going to guess and say you are both in your early 20's too right?
Each person does things differently. I personally like closure on issues like this, so I would go over and confront front him. Letting him know exactly how you feel and telling him where you are and what your feeling is what I would do.. But be prepared for the worst. He might not realize how he's been treating you or your relationship or things have changed and he doesn't feel the same way for you. Be prepared to be adult enough to ask and except his his reply. You might not like what he says, but you should respect it. If it's over, be strong. Give his a hug and and a kiss and let it go. Walk away with your head held high. Wait until you are not around him or have driven away to let your your emotions surface and let the hurt out.
That's how I would handle it. I like to confront the person. Tell them how I feel. Listen to them and make the decision. Throwing a fit or getting pissed off about it just makes it worst. People change. I.m a strong believer in fate.
As Roc said, you must ask him to be strait with you. You don't want to be messed around and by it being as it is isn't going to do either of you any favours!
Bare in mind that War does things to people, it changes attitude, perspectives and lives! He may well have seen things that have scared him or things he is struggling to comprehend. Drinking would definately sugest this as a way of escape.
You know what needs to be done deep down. Just get on with it, whilst you may well hear what you don't want to hear, something needs to change!
Thanks I just don't think that is what it is though. He seems to be fine, you know as far as going off to war and then coming back.He asked if we could just be friends, and that kind of caught me off guard. I did talk to him and this is an exact quote of what he said, "I want to get married, and have kids. You are only 19. It's not you, it's me. I want to hang out with you and spend time with you and everything. Nothing will change between us. It will almost feel like we are still dating, and you can't be friends?"He is barely 3 years older than me. And he says he loves me and cares for me. I have never said anything about not wanting to get married or have kids. I just cannot do that at this point in my life. Well the kids part anyway. I want to finish school and start my career first. I always made that clear to him from day 1. He then said that he can't wait that long. I am well on my way to finishing college and getting my degree. I don't understand how waiting a few more years can be that long. Also if he really loved and cared for me, shouldn't he wait? Should I ask him about the type of love he has for me?
As Max says above, "War does things to people, it changes attitude, perspectives and lives." It just may be that it has made him grow up a little faster than he would have and accelerated him timeline for life.The fact that you want to finish your education before starting your family is admirable and certainly the right thing for you. If you're not noticing anyone else in his life, you should probably take what he says as truth.
I responded to you on the forum. I see no gain to repeat it here. Good luck!