NO SYMPATHY FOR TEEN MOTHERS

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I never really found this discussion to be intelligent or thought provoking. Everyone is too focused on being right and not stepping back and giving everyone their space. Getting up in people's faces isn't going to make them think like you! (not directed at anyone in particular)

this thread hits close to hime as my sister became pregnate when she was 17 and the pop isnt active in his life as well and she found out that he got some othergirl preggy as well. well she is now married and happy, but I will never forget what my pop said to me. It's alot harder on women that it is a guy, because all we do is deopsit.

Were better off treating them well, and helping them out. If we don't.. All were hurting is the kid. Make him a fuck up for life.. Thats just stupid. Mistakes happen.. It wasn't the baby's fault, I dont think the mother planned it exactly either. It happens. I mean no matter how much they tell us to use condoms.. birth control.. not to do it at all.. Were going to. Sometimes its just the heat of the moment and it happens. All I'm saying you tell the mother to fuck off and fix it herself all your really hurting is the kid. I agree with you hun. I work in a Doctors office so I see a lot of young teenage girls who are pregnant and I actually feel bad for them. None of them meant for it to happen, it just happened. If you talk to some of them, they realize what a mistake it was. But most of them are strong willed and willing to accept their mistake and raise the child the best they can.My mother had her first child at 15. It was a complete mistake. In those days she was forced to quit school and marry this guy (who was also 15). Their marriage lasted maybe a few months and it wasn't until my mother was around 30 was she able to go back and get her GED and a degree in accounting and now make a damn good living, I am proud of my mother for being so strong after society judged her so hard on an accident.

**I don't think that anyone should be having sex unless they are resonsible enough to deal with anything that may or may not result from sleeping with another person. I also don't understand why people are always calling a girl who happens to get pregnant by ACCIDENT a whore when in reality it take two to tango! She didn't get pregnant by herself, there was someone else involved, and I have alot of respect for a girl/woman who can step up and take responsiblity for her actions and take care of her child. I know a few people who got pregnant at a young age and they stood up and took responsiblity and they are taking care of thier children whereas the fathers of their children have nothing to do with them. My mother was pregnant at 19 and she kept my brother even though her doctor urged her to have an abortion. She took responsiblity even when his father wouldn't, so don't say it's just the girls fault. It's the guys as well!**

I come back to the points I made on another board:

1. In countries where people are more open about sex and where children start sex education younger, the rates of teenage sex, teenage pregnancies, teenage abortions and STDs amongst teens are dramatically lower and the average age at which people first have sex is typically higher.

2. Teenage girls who get pregnant (usually) do so because they're under-educated in the matters of sex and fail to observe the proper precautions (like not having sex!). It's partly their fault and partly the fault of the system under which they grew up. It's appropriate to provide help to them in order that the child they bring into the world doesn't suffer because of his/her parents' mistakes.

Having said that, in the area where I live, lots of 15-16 year old girls deliberately get themselves pregnant for no reason other than that they want to leave home and believe that our local city council will automatically give them their own house/flat if they've got a kid and provide them with thousands of pounds a month to raise the kid. The reality is that they end up living in a crappy single room in some fleapit hostel and in many cases eventually turning to drugs to escape their lives and/or prostitution to finance their lifestyles and/or their drug habit because the £60 a week they get from the government doesn't cover the cost of nappies, food, heating, water and electricity.

In short, I have some sympathy for some teenage mothers but in the UK at least, many of them are mindless morons who bring their misery upon themselves in a failed attempt to cheat the system.

I guess silligirl whats her face has a point there. But you got to have sympathy at one point. Especially if it happens to someone very close to you. It happened to my sister. She's was sexually active but was careful but then she started getting careless and WHAM she's pregnant. Yes I was upset that she had gotten pregnant (and I was apparently bashed on here for that) but I kept it back and I loved her and helped her as much as it could. Still am. Even though I have nothing to do with the baby. But it won't be bad being an auntie. You just have to be more careful. That's all. But it might stink if you're so young when you get pregnant. Stinks knowing your child is in the same school as you... yeah that might suck.

Yes I was upset that she had gotten pregnant (and I was apparently bashed on here for that)You were bashed because you made it sound like you were giving her endless grief...beating a dead horse, unless you were trying to convince her to have an abortion. If that perception was wrong (and apparently it was), then we were wrong.

Yeeeah. I learn from my mistakes reeally quick. And I make alot of mistakes. I really don't mean to sound stupid (unavoidable) or ignorant (once again unavoidable) so it's better when I catch myself in the act. Like I've always heard "think before you talk". Comes in handy.

100% agree with you Katie! It takes two to tango. It really upset my mother when she was forced out of school for being pregnant but they guy was allowed to continue and graduate. It's completed one sided and it's horrible!

OMG, My board has been resurrected...

ok so im not going to say anything like about how unsensetive that was etc coz every1 has thier oppinion.however i did stumble upon this topic searching for forums supporting teen moms. i am 18 years old and i hav 2 children, my oldest joseph is 5 years old and my youngest Kai is 2 in september. the point i wanted to make is that not all teen parents moan about how hard it is raising children, its just those who moan and cant cope that you hear about. also just because we are young doesnt mean that we are incapable to raise our children, its not about age but maturity and ability to look after your children. there are say 35 y/o mothers who can not look after their kids properly, so id say its not got much about age.some teens do think its cool to have a baby, but others as have been said, have becoe pregnant through something they can not control. i got pregnant at 13 because i was raped and i dont believe in aborting a child when its not thier fault they were made.for the record, my boyfriend is the father of my second child and he has adopted my first, my children never want for anything, they are well mannered and clean and i wouldnt say bringing up my children has been a bad experience, more the opposite really. where as some teens moan not all of us do, and please take into account that some teen mums are very capable of accomodating for their childrens needs, we never leave them with others, we are always there. oh, and i personally am not a whore or a slut as ive given my concent to one person, as im sure other teen moms have done too.this is not meant to be a rant of a lecture im just pointing out that as with all stereotypes, the teenage mother/parent incapable and immature idea is not always accurate. please be aware of this before finishing your descussion.

Interesting. You chose to have a child at 16 after having had one at 13. You must have actually gotten pregnant at or near 12 and 15, which is pretty precocious. How have you and your boyfriend been supporting your family? Is your boyfriend older than you? How could he adopt your first child if you're not married?

my boyfriend and i have 2 days seperating each other so no hes not older. both me and him have jobs, i work spme of when hes home and he has a full time job working nights. we can support our children with hard work. so please dont make the whole claiming off the state point i get the feeling your thinkin. we do get some benefits but only what other parents would get. i obv had help with my oldest because i was so young, and i still get some for him from the family of the guy who raped me, child support and all that.my bf has adopted my oldest in the way that i meant he treats joe and kai the same, like his son. it will indeed be official when we are married. yes i did choose to get pregnant again at 15 and had my baby at 16 becuase we talked about it and knew we would be able to support our childen. i would never have gotten pregnant at the age of 12 voulentarily because sex would have not have been an option. you know its hard trying to bring up your children with people with such cruel views as some of these. surely if the child/ren involved are raised well etc it shouldnt matter about age tho, are u aware that people mature at diff ages so some arent ready 4 kids at like 35 where as others are mature enough to raise children young. and guess what, we sat and worked our finances out.if joe would have gone without we wouldnt have had kai and if we werent able 2 support joe even before anther it would not have been an option. as i said, not all teen mothers are the same, some moan etc yes, but what i was saying was that with me i was in a stable relationship and knew i could a, raise my children and b, support them.i dont really care bout ur oppinion on my situation because i know that we are good parents, i just thought u bunch of cough open minded people would appreciate another point of view to your descusion.

Well I 100% respect you for taking care of your children and beng so mature about it. I wish there were more young mothers like you.Also sorry to hear the circumstances behind your first child. Again is shows your maturity to have the child and raise the child from a rape situation. Truely shows how strong of a person you are.As I stated above my mother was young when she had my brother, and I am proud of her for breaking through all the barriers that were put up and being the successful lady she is today.So reguardless what people might say, hold your head up high and good things will come your way!

Oh congratulations on this and being responible. I think my sister needs to have a little chat with you.

thanks. as i said its different for different people. im glad that some one sees my point, i kept my first son as i said in my first post because i dont believe that its his fault i got raped. its his birth fathers fault, he didnt ask to be conceived. as it goes, i did think maybe hed remind me of the incident, however hes growin up to look like me and he reminds me that out of every bad sit comes something good.

is ur sis on here? id be happy to pm her or talk to her. if u want

Oh no she's not on here. But she does need some encouragement on having a baby. Her bf had gotten her pregnant and since they don't want an abortion or to put him/her up for adoption they decided to go along with the pregnancy. But she still get's those feelings of how it might inflict on her school work and how people may look down upon her.

I think what you're doing is heroic, but that does not mean that I'm gung ho on the idea of a 15-year-old choosing to get pregnant. You've already done what you've done, so my criticisms are aimed more at any 15-year-old girl who might read what you wrote, and have romantic ideas of how much fun it would be to have a baby.Did you and your boyfriend have to leave school at an early age? If so, does neither of you having a high school diploma (much less a college diploma) make things that much more difficult? Historically, women had babies at an early age, which was a necessity when lifespan was short. But modern society is not set up to deal with children having babies. There are families that have the wherewithal to support the young mother and her child(ren), but many mothers wind up on public assistance, and leave school at an early age. Some have parents who are unable or unfit to help.I don't know if you live in the U.S., but here there is not much public infastructure to help. What do you do for day care? Is that your parents' job? There's not much in the way of publicly-funded day care. You have a job? Then you probably don't qualify for Medicaid benefits. What do you do for medical insurance for the kids, or for yourself?There's no way around it: If you choose to have a child at 15, unless the father stays with you (rare but admirable) and is old enough to have a decent job, you will be burdening others, who almost certainly would not favor the idea of such a young girl having a child.I know a nurse practioner who worked at a clinic in an "underserved" (i.e., economically poor) area of Boston, and she saw so many young girls who wanted to have a baby. Many of them didn't get the love and nurturing that they needed from their family, and saw a baby as a thing that would give them unconditional love. Coming from poor, troubled families, they had no idea what they were in for.

It's good that you think that people shouldn't be doing that or that you have such standards for yourself, but to say some of the things you said, well...That was harsh. SOme girls have sex because of peer pressure or because the line "You will if you love me" gets brought up.