A turn of events
She's been working so much that I haven't had a chance to see her.
I gave her a call last night just to see how things were, and she told me that she's sorry, and that she doesn't want me to dump her over something like this because she loves me too much.
She sounded pretty tearful actually.
I'm confused? What do you mean?
lol youre so cute.. i meant to him.. hows the relationship.. i have u on my msn.. but u never talk to me!!
I dunno how it is. Not heard from her in a couple of days and not seen her in over a week...and I dunno who you're talking to about msn. You don't have me, I'm sure of it! EDIT: I finally get what you two are on about now...sorry
honestly hunny... drop the girl... i get the vibe shes using you for some lovin and dragging you behind her
Hmm I dunno I was out with some friends tonight, and we decided to go and see her at work.Luckily she had just finished and she seemed really happy to see me, but then my friends started making asses of themselves and it ruined the atmosphere. She then went very quiet and had to go all of a sudden, which sucked.I was so happy to see her though, and it made me realise that I really can't lose her. I'm so worried now though
OK I'm facing a major dilemma here.
I saw her on sunday for 10 mins, which is the only time I've seen her in the past 2 weeks.
It was ok, although my other friends were being dicks and it ruined the atmosphere.
I haven't heard from her since tho. So my ex (her sister) and my other friend are trying to convince me to tell her some ground rules for the relationship.
My problem is that I can see it leading to her dumping me.
Everyone is telling me to dump her, but I don't want to. I love her and I don't want to lose her, so I don't know what to do.
It's tearing me apart and I'm so scared.
This is going to be a little hard for you to accept but hear me out. Sometimes you can love someone but not be able to be with them at that point in time.Now then, you're ex, and other people are telling you to set some ground rules (as I've stated already) and you don't want to because you're afraid she might break up with you. You're gonna get hurt eventually hun. Hasn't anyone told you that love hurts? They weren't lying. You're going to get your heart broke and you may even break a few hearts yourself. My suggestion is that you with this and set some rules because regardless of how or what you see this as she's not being a girlfriend. And you are more or less carrying on a "relationship" with oxygen because she's never around. She's stringing you along because she wants to call all the shots and that's not right. I would plain and simple give her an ultimatum, either make more time for you or you're done. If she's going to dump you, then she's going to dump you. Not laying down a few rules (that means you have follow 'em too) will only delay the inevitable if your being dumped is the case.Honestly, I don't think she's worth but that's my opinion. There's no possible way you could enjoy being treated this way, yet you keep going back for more. Open up your beautiful eyes and look around. Obviously something is wrong. She wants to feel in control and she's using you to do it. Stand up for yourself.
I know that you're right, but I can't get up the courage to do it.I'm 99% certain that making that phone call will result in me being single and losing her, and so I'm having real trouble bucking up the courage to do it.I feel like I'm in the middle of a nervous breakdown.
Well I made the call...we're still together, but only just it seems. We're on a sorta semi-break while she sorts her life out. Apparently she's in danger of losing her job (which would be a good thing cos her current job sucks anyway).She told me she'd put more effort in, and that she does love me.I hope she means it.
Here we go. You've made the call and now here's the catch: Now you have to follow through with whatever it was you told her if she starts this up again OR if she never really puts it down. Stick to your guns on this one. Don't let her call all the shots. If you think she start to pull the same crap again - let her go. And don't let back. Good luck to you.
Yeah I know. We're having a short break while she sorts her work out, and then resuming. If she doesn't make any changes then I'm gonna have to leave her.
Hey there. I just joined, but I've been keeping up on this thread. I've gotta tell you, from experience, don't think like "I'm gonna have to leave her." Considering what you've had to go through, it's time to stick to your guns and say "I will drop her." It's ultimatum time for you, and if she's not gonna meet you halfway, then consider her dropped. As hard as it would be for you, it'll be even harder if you try to take it slower, because there's always that opportunity for someone to want to "try again."
I'm telling you right now, don't dig a deeper hole for yourself. If she can't meet you halfway in what seems to be a crumbling relationship, call it quits, and cut your losses short.
good advice, i think he needs to let her go also, she's obviously the one in charge of the "relationship"
Thanks for the backup on that one Amanda...Seriously, bear this in mind when you go about dealing with your situation:It's better to walk away with a broken heart and some dignity, than crawl away with neither one.If I could go back in time and give myself that tip, I would've taken it, so I'm hoping you'll at least keep those words in mind.
Trust me, I am keeping that in mind.
She has actually been talking to me today, which is something of an improvement.
However, it was her day off today and she went to the cinema with some friends, when I had previously asked her to do the same, so all is still not totally well.
Like a lot of other have said before, no one here can make you do anything we say. All we can is offer advice. In this instance, the fact that she couldn't meet you halfway on going to the movies should be an automatic splitsville for you two.
It's not to say either one of you is to blame here, but this sounds like a cycle repeating itself here, except these cycles lead to nothing but downward spirals. It's not enough that you both WANT to make the effort. You have to already be in the process of doing it. We can want things all day long, but until we actually do something about it, we're not going anywhere or growing any further. Even if YOU ARE doing something about it already, if SHE ISN'T, I can only tell you that this is going to lead you to nowhere, except into heartbreak and dramatics- neither of which are healthy. Like Cenfath sais, "Stick to your guns."
The problem is that I agreed to give her a week to herself without seeing me while she works through her work crisis, so I can't get angry at her cos I agreed to this.
Once the weeks up though, if she still wont see me then I'm gonna get rid.
Well, it's commendable that you're willing to keep your word in giving her a week to sort this out- you committed to it, so you're obligated. However, don't forget what obligations you have to yourself- not as her boyfriend, or even friend- but as your own person.
Remember that no matter how you look at it, relationships are team efforts, and if one person isn't pulling their weight, then everyone gets left in the dust.
Give her the week you promised, but I'd advise picking up a hobby you really love, that you can do all on your own.
I agree wholeheartedly with everything you just said.And just to elaborate a little more on the hobbies things: For example, I enjoy working on my truck, riding horses, etc. etc. So since I enjoy doing those things I am more inclined to go to swap meets, car shows (I love shelby cobras..and in fact there's a show in Tulsa, OK that I'm not at:(), or even rodeos and stables where they're sure to have horses (no guys..i don't do race tracks). You can meet people you have a similar interest with at places like this rather than hitting bars all the time (which pardon me for saying....is rather boring.....same people every night getting trashed). Anyhow, keep in mind that you should find something you really like doing and really get involved in it. You could even start volunteering somewhere. Hospitals are always looking for volunteers.
